After writing one hundred and…alright, look, I’m not exactly sure how many Monday Dares I’ve written. I tried several times to tally up the total by counting out loud while moving my left index finger down the screen, but inevitably, I would have to scroll and then I would lose my place. So let’s just say it’s somewhere between one hundred and two hundred Monday Dares.
Because I’ve failed at so many Monday Dares, I needed to boost my self-esteem by sharing something sensational. My first rap.
I haven’t titled this little ditty yet, but that’s because I’m really taking my time, not because I’m a quitter and I don’t have follow-through.
You’re the best.
Not a calculus test.
More like a bowl of zest.
With no crawly pest.
Cuz they in they’s nest.
This ain’t a jest.
A few additional notes/ free nuggets of wisdom:
-I took Harv to Medieval Times for his birthday last week. Why so fancy, you ask? Using my astute internet sleuthing abilities, I discovered that spectators get in free during their birthday week with the purchase of one full-price adult ticket. You may be thinking, “Wait just a goddamn minute, you mean to tell me that I can enjoy a majestic three-course feast and select non-alcoholic beverages while watching a carefully choreographed ballet of intense fight scenes and shit FOR FREE?” Yes, that is exactly what I am telling you. Criminy, please fucking pay attention.
-For a nominal extra fee, I could request a personalized birthday announcement during the show. The “nominal” fee was actually $16, so Harv did not get a personalized birthday announcement. Everybody gotta set boundaries, you know?
-There was a group of bachelor party peoples at Medieval Times. Somebody done fucked up that party planning. If your friend is getting married, please do not take him to a dinner and tournament show. Go to a place with utensils.
-Oh, and I got my 8th tattoo
“He is exactly the poem I wanted to write”
Images: Instagram (username: flourishinprogress)
Another good way to get at me because I’m on that shit so goddamn much that people tried to stage a fucking intervention
once a lot of times:
Flourish in Progress on Facebook. Holler.