dares

Every Monday, I’m picking from the List of Things to Do, Places to Go, Possible Acts that Help and Possible Fun to Have. It’s a list I made before The Shopping Project started, and I’m still adding to it. If you have suggestions, please, feel free to throw them my way. I’m calling the list my Monday Dares, as I get overwhelmed just looking at the words “challenge” or “goal.”

P.S. This is not a complete archive of all posts. Sometimes, I blog on other days besides Monday. Just sometimes. Those are usually the days I ingest a lot of sugar or drugs. Just kidding. Probably. To see the complete list of posts, please refer to the Archive section in the sidebar.

2013

Monday Dare: Thug Wife
This week: Become a rap educationalist

Monday Dare: Drugs? Yes, please.
This week: Drugs. Take some.

Monday Dare: Ugly People
This week: Trust others less. Trust myself more.

Monday Dare: C.R.E.A.M. aka Cash Rules Everything Around Me
This week: Spend wisely

Monday Dare: That’s mine, motherfucker
This week: Own it

Monday Dare: No sir, I don’t care about my safety
This week: Schedule a car tune-up

Monday Dare: That couch is NOT for sitting.
This week: Get comfortable

2012

Monday Dare: Big Things Poppin’
This week: Think big. Follow through.

Monday Dare: Even at the age of 7, I was an asshole.
This week: More contentment, more of the time

Monday Dare: I’m sorry I stole money from you.
This week: Celebrate. A LOT.

Monday Dare: I see you on that Facebook grind
This week: Put down the goddamn phone

Monday Dare: Happy Shanksgiving
This week: Trust my first instinct

Monday Dare: Harvard, Hoodrat Style
This week: Work the Ivy League (not really) grind

Monday Dare: Cashin’ Out
This week: Spend, spend, spend

Monday Dare: Payback’s a bitch
This week: Speak out

Monday Dare: What level of Hell is this?
This week: Overcome writer’s block

Monday Dare: Hard Knock Life
This week: Take better care of myself

Monday Dare: Time management for idiots
This week: Set realistic daily goals. Learn to manage my time.

Monday Dare: Bitches and Brains
This week: Stop comparing

Monday Dare: Embracing (t)hug life: Part hood. Part good.
This week: Less hood. More good.

SHIT. Another yearlong project? Kill me now.
This week year: Attempt another yearlong project

Monday Dare: Cake time, fuckers
This week: Act like a lady

Monday Dare: It’s always your favorite sins that do you in
This week: Real talk

Monday Dare: To live and die in L.A.
This week: Call a truce with nature

Monday Dare: This is why we can’t have nice things
This week: Stop losing shit

Monday Dare: The Underachiever’s Guide to not setting your home on fire
This week: Learn to cook

Monday Dare: Why is your uterus still empty?
This week: Deal with Baby Bullshit

Monday Dare: Choose your own adventure, dummy
This week: Learn the easy way

Monday Dare: I’m a loser
This week: Stop wasting so much time

Monday Dare: Let’s do this shit
This week: Do it up big

Monday Dare: Whatchu gonna do when they come for you?
This week: Face a fear

Monday Dare: Is it really stealing if it’s free?
This week: Stop embarrassing the shit out of people I know

Monday Dare: Dumb as a sack of rocks
This week: Learn me a skill

Monday Dare: How much do new teeth cost?
This week: Just roll with it

Monday Dare: Rich people ambitions
This week: Get outta here

Monday Dare: Ugh Life
This week: Let go of grudges

Monday Dare: Cha-ching, bitches
This week: Don’t lose my shirt by trying to save some dough

Monday Dare: Thug Passions
This week: Figure it out

Monday Dare: Oops
This week: Stop dressing like a homeless person

Monday Dare: To the person who stole my Taco Bell Gordita Savings Fund
This week: Vent

Monday Dare: Are you a runner? And not the kind on a treadmill.
This week: Quit quitting

Monday Dare: Are you dating a mofo? An assessment checklist
This week: Dish out dating advice

Monday Dare: Running away? Pack well. Trust me.
This week: Share. Celebrate.

Monday Dare: Toeing the motherfucking line
This week: Be less “awesome” and “wonderful”

Monday Dare: At least I’m not on parole
This week: Stop thinking so much

Monday Dare: Six million ways to die
This week: Get my groove on

Monday Dare: No more Friday knife fights
This week: More real. More nice.

Monday Dare: Mommy, I hope you don’t go to jail.
This week: Cut the cord

Monday Dare: Don’t eat cocaine. Don’t smoke cigarettes.
This week: Quit smoking

Monday Dare: Dragon Water
This week: Stop procrastinating

Monday Dare: Sometimes, I try to act like a ninja.
This week: Just say no

Monday Dare: Lying saves lives.
This week: Tell the truth

Monday Dare: How do you like them apples?
This week: Happiness is not a zero-sum game.

Monday Dare: (T)hug life
This week: Come at me. Let’s hug this shit out.

Monday Dare: 1/10/02
This week: Keep moving forward

Monday Dare: Check yourself before you wreck yourself
This week: Stop. Reverse.

2011

Monday Dare: Are we just friends because of my money?
This week: Win the lottery

Monday Dare: Do not disturb. Busy doing nothing.
This week: Do jack shit

Monday Dare: I’m a rapper. Best believe.
This week: Be happy. Keep it real. Fuck the fuckers.

Monday Dare: I should probably just stop talking
This week: Parenting skills. Get some.

Monday Dare: This one may kill me. Nice knowing you.
This week: Swallow my pride

Monday Dare: Let’s be friends. I pay top dollar.
This week: Friends. A whole group of them

Monday Dare: Yes, you too may use this idea
This week: Read gooder books

Monday Dare: This urge overtakes everyone, yes?
This week: Refrain from thievery

Monday Dare: Harv let me out of my cage
This week: I don’t even know

Monday Dare: Rap star living…for $100
This week: $100

Monday Dare: Hospital gowns are a good look on me
This week: Try to get the fuck out of here. (YES, this is a cry for help. RESCUE ME.)

Monday Dare: Wait? What?
This week: Forgive

Monday Dare: If you can’t spot the sucker…
This week: Don’t lose at poker. Again.

Monday Dare: I offended a granny. Again.
This week: Stop swearing. Again.

Monday Dare: Clearly, I’m a terrible friend
This week: Thank Joe

Monday Dare: I was raised by a pack of wolves
This week: Acquire phone skillz

Monday Dare: It’s almost cake time, y’all.
This week: Don’t be a quitter

Monday Dare: Sir, your hand is on my ass.
This week: Say it

Monday Dare: Uh-oh, you got found out
This week: Fuck the fuckers

Monday Dare: The joys of thug life
This week: Enjoy the small things

Monday Dare: I’m starting a gang.
This week: It’s your turn.

Monday Dare: I’m not in a gang.
This week: Brag

Monday Dare: I got your back, kid.
This week: Try to teach Cal a life lesson without using the word “asshole.”

Monday Dare: Big boobs, big eyes, and quiet
This week: Gather advice for my newly single friends.

Monday Dare: A friendly reminder- You’re going to die.
This week: Learn to swim

Monday Dare: This probably means I’m a genius.
This week: Learn to use the computer

Monday Dare: Practicing the five-letter word
This week: My name is Earl Elizabeth. (a.k.a. fixin’ the wrong I done to people)

Monday Dare: You’re Invited
This week: Plan a party

Monday Dare: You’re a chicken and other words of encouragement.
This week: Ride some rides

Monday Dare: Who would dig through a dumpster? Me, actually.
This week: Go dumpster diving

Monday Dare: All I need is a nugget of canned cheese.
This week: Believe I can

Monday Dare: I may be going to school with your kids. Be scared.
This week: Learn some shit

Monday Dare: This is why we can’t have nice things.
This week: Try new foods

Monday Dare: I’m on Trader Joe’s Most Wanted List.
This week: I will count to ten before reacting.
(I have to try this Dare again because I’m a loser, and I failed miserably the first time.)

Monday Dare: A series of unfortunate events
This week: Overcome superstitions

Monday Dare: My kidney did not get stolen.
This week: Say hello. Introduce myself. Meet people.

Monday Dare: Ugly Duckling
This week: Take more pictures

Monday Dare: Sha-Nasty Poof Poof
This week: Expand my musical horizons

Monday Dare: I think that stripper really likes me.
This week: Stop giving advice. Just the unsolicited kind. No, wait, all kinds.

Monday Dare: It’s not me, it’s you. No, it’s me.
This week: Seek mutually satisfying friendships

Monday Dare: ‘Merica
This week: Chuckle

Monday Dare: Shark Bait
This week: Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Monday Dare: Crack is Whack
This week: Reflect on sobriety. Celebrate progress.

Monday Dare: Spork-tastic
This week: Take a closer look and follow directions.

Monday Dare: Fake-iversary: part one
This week: Celebrate a love story

Monday Dare: the number you have dialed….
This week: Move on

Monday Dare: shivving the tooth fairy
This week: I will stop tricking my child.

Monday Dare: I hope jail bed are comfortable.
This week: Don’t be passive. Don’t be passive-aggressive. Just be aggressive.

Monday Dare: f.u.c.k.
This week: Form a support group

Monday Dare: Now accepting applications
This week: Expand the family

Monday Dare: Lessons of a temp of a temp of a temp
This week: Think ahead

20103

Monday Dare: Excellence in Wifery
This week: Let bygones be bygones

Monday Dare: Guilt Trips? I run the travel agency.
This week: Learn to forgive myself

Monday Dare: Everyone’s got a talent. Even me.
This week: I will not swear. I am not shitting you.

Monday Dare: Apocalypse a’comin’
This week: I will learn to cook.
Surely, this is a sign of the Apocalypse. Run, bitches, run.

Monday Dare: Erasers for everyone.
This week: Give thanks

Monday Dare: The Tim Kermitothoponolisis Story
This week: I have phobias. I will address one. Or five…or just one.

Monday Dare: A penny saved is a penny…say what?!
This week: I will revise Lizanomics and make it work.
Then petition a small country to adopt it.

Monday Dare: Obviously, I hate myself.
This week: I will utter nothing but the truth.
I do, however, reserve the right to remain silent.

Monday Dare: Just in case
This week: I will learn enough French to survive one week
in a predominately French-speaking place.

Monday Dare: Schoolyard Manners
This week: I will be nice to the passive-aggressive, turn-on-a-dime-tricks
lovely moms at Cal’s school.

Monday Dare: Other People’s Stuff
This week: I will leave other people’s junk valuable possessions alone.

Monday Dare: The Ten Second Rule
This week: I will count to ten before reacting.

Monday Dare: You’re worthless, but I still value you.
This week: I will use my pennies.

Monday Dare: I like you. I will wear new socks.
This week: I will stop saving my stuff.