12.04.12

Monday Dare (& Giveaway!): I see you on that Facebook Grind

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: Put down the goddamn phone

Sometimes, I like to play “What Would You Save If Your House Were Burning Down And You Could Only Take Three Things And Don’t Say Your Heirloom Dining Room Table Cuz Ain’t No One Strong Enough To Carry A Goddamn Solid Oak Table” with my friends. I’ve overheard a few snickers and complaints about the length of the title, but I don’t let it get to me. Hateful words often stem from jealousy. Not everyone has a flair for Game Naming.

My mint-condition collection of Yo! MTV Raps trading cards were part of My Three until recently when I had all the good ones matted and framed. I’ll be the first to admit my physical limitations. My shoulder muscles aren’t developed enough to carry an extremely large Rap Shrine.

I’d save Cal’s baby book even though I stopped updating it when she was four months old because clearly, I’m just too lazy to do even one thing right for my only child. Whenever friends and family ask to see recent pictures of Cal, I just tell them to “Facebook that shit, motherfucker.”

I thought about saying some socially acceptable answers for my other items, but that’s not how our friendship works, and I honor that.

I would save my iPhone. Everyone always responds with three items, but I don’t need that many. When you’ve got a mostly empty baby book and your best friend, what more do you need?

Vincent (don’t even try to pretend that your phone doesn’t have a name too) and I have been through a lot. We recently took a trip to San Francisco together:

I saved this picture on my computer as BestBuddies.jpg. It probably would have been a much better shot if my three friends from the Ghetto Genius Crew weren’t crowded around us. Jay Wunder, the Ghetto Genius himself, wrote afterwards on his site:Flo-Rich was glued to her fucking phone Facebooking, Twittering and Instagramming so much that Anonymous pulled her ass to the side and said she was two posts away from a goddamn intervention. 

I made an effort to keep Vincent in my purse the next evening, but my hands weren’t used to being unoccupied. My ears weren’t used to the silence. The constant ding of emails and texts and tweets and notifications from Facebook and Instagram and Words with Friends and phone calls and weather alerts is what lets me know I’M ALIVE, BITCHES.

I slipped away and locked myself in a bathroom stall. Maybe I took too long, but I’m sure there are perfectly good explanations for being in a public restroom for 47 minutes, none of which I could think of when I heard a knock on the stall door: “I SEE YOU ON THAT FACEBOOK GRIND. PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE.”The first step is admitting I have a problem. That’s what I learned from my friend H-Bomb during my intervention inside the women’s restroom at O’Reilly’s

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I FUCKING LOVE PRESENTS giveaway #3

I fucking love presents. Maybe you do too. To celebrate this holiday season, I’ll be doing a giveaway each week until the end of the year. Get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page, on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress), and on Twitter (@ElizabethJLiu) for giveaway updates, (t)hug life thoughts, pictures, and other random shit.

This week: MNKR “Fuck the Fuckers” T-shirts Giveaway

I proudly wear this t-shirt in public all the time. Except when I have to go to PTA meetings. Then, I’ll throw a delicate cardigan over it, and all you can read is “UC H CKE.” Yesterday, I bumped into Kandace, one of the brains behind MNKR’s fierce line of apparel and accessories, and she generously offered TWO Fuck the Fuckers t-shirts (one women’s, one men’s) for this giveaway. Thanks, Kandace!

TO ENTER: Leave a comment below with the three things you would save if we were playing ”What Would You Save If Your House Were Burning Down And You Could Only Take Three Things And Don’t Say Your Heirloom Dining Room Table Cuz Ain’t No One Strong Enough To Carry A Goddamn Solid Oak Table.” Only comments left on THIS POST qualify. I’ll announce a winner next Monday.LAST WEEK’S SKULL NECKLACE WINNER: Danielle with the numbers 0212 in your email address. Please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com.

first image via pinterest
December 4, 2012
11.06.12

Monday Dare: Cashin’ out


Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: Spend, spend, spend

Most of us can pinpoint an event which impacts us so profoundly that anything to the left of that Moment in our timeline is known as the Before and everything to the right is known as the After. I thought I had my Moment when I became a mother at 19. Then, when I married Harv, it seemed to me that having two Moments was also a possibility. If only I had been able to see into the future.

I won some money yesterday. I usually don’t throw figures around, but I’m comfortable being candid with you. Plus, I’m pretty good at bragging, so I’ll just go ahead and tell you that in one day, JUST ONE DAY, I pulled in a little over $14 working the slot machine grind in Las Vegas. People say that the house always wins. Who are these people? Do they know about me? If you want, you can share my story: about how someone you know went to Vegas as an ordinary person and came back a winner. How good things happen to good people. Use my name. I don’t need to be anonymous.

I understand a lot of things today that I didn’t back then yesterday morning. It’s becoming clear who my real friends are. This morning, “Sally” called about a lunch date. Assessing a situation objectively is one of my talents, so I immediately picked up on her real motives. It seems odd that I posted a picture on Instagram of my first payout (three almost-crisp dollar bills) yesterday and she’s suddenly eager to enjoy a meal together, don’t you think? I listened to some bullshit about how she “wants to catch up” since we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks. Even though “Sally” asked repeatedly about my availability, I remained noncommittal.

“I just can’t. I think we both know why.”

“Sally” is probably one of many I will have to cut out of my life. I’m not going to lie. It hurts. To distract myself, I’ve spent a lot of time looking at the windfall (a ten dollar bill, four one dollar bills, and two nickels). “This is mine,” I tell myself over and over again. It’s been fun arranging the bills on my dark hardwood floor: first in descending value, then in ascending value, and finally with the two shiny coins as a centerpiece. A little lonely, but fun.

Unlike “Sally,” my family has been really supportive. When they congratulated me, I could tell by the ease in their voice that they genuinely meant it. It’s hard not to get jealous when fantastic things happen to people around you. Harv and Cal are encouraging me to spend the entire stack on myself. It seems weird to me, but fuck it…YOLO. Carpe diem. Show me the money.

(Note: I feel like it’s not really cool to say “YOLO.” But I guess that rule doesn’t apply to me because I’m rich now.)

Have you ever won anything?
What should I buy? This money is burning a hole in my pocket.

P.P.S. But hey, I’m not going to be one of those lazy rich people. I’ll still be working the Facebook grind on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page.
image via blueq.com

November 6, 2012
08.06.12

Monday Dare: This is why we can’t have nice things

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn about its origin.

This week: Stop losing shit

Back in the day, when I only owned a bunch of cheap shit, I never lost anything. It was a point of pride for me. I wouldn’t shove my specialness in other people’s faces when they complained about losing another pair of sunglasses or their kid. I might say something like, “Oh man, that really blows. I don’t know what you’re going through because I’ve never lost anything before in my life, but I still really want to be friends with you because I choose to focus on the positives in people and not their faults.” I’m pretty good at building people up. It’s another one of my qualities.

Then, I started buying nicer things. Yes, it would be nice to scoop up a paisley print tote at the dollar store for a total investment of $1.09, but sometimes, I just need to be fucking reckless with my life. “Go ahead and buy a similar-looking tote at Target for $19.99. You DESERVE it,” I would tell myself.

And I insisted on a real diamond wedding band. I don’t know if you’ve ever checked out the impressive selection of moissanite rings at Kohl’s, but they really do have a diamond-like presence for a fraction of the cost. I gave this option some consideration, but then I remembered that diamonds are a thug’s best friend. I’m all about staying true to the game. It’s also another one of my qualities. I hope I’m not starting to sound too brag-y.

Harv insisted on insuring the diamond ring. He’s all about the “just in case.” It’s also why we have health insurance and not one, but THREE boxes of band-aids stashed around the house. You’re probably thinking that he wastes a lot of money. I happen to agree.

Maybe the Universe thought my specialness was really starting to bring other people down and devised a plan to level things out. And what better way to stick it to me than by losing my wedding ring in a Vegas nightclub. While sober. Did it fling off when I put my hands in the air and danced like I just don’t care? Did it fall to the floor as I was doing the Dougie? I have some pretty impressive dance moves, which is another one of my qualities, but let’s not focus on that right now. We’re trying to solve a mystery.

I searched in vain, crawling through a sea of hooker heels and Drakkar Noir. No luck. I finally admitted defeat and stepped outside to call Harv. After explaining the situation, I asked if it might still be okay to come home. I was prepared to start looking for a new place of residence. And because Harv’s best qualities are patience and forgiveness, he focused first on calming me down and then reminded me that the ring was insured.

I promised never to lose anything else again. He showed his faith by giving me a beautiful gold bracelet soon afterwards.

Which I lost this past weekend in New York.

I’m terrified of walking out of the house with anything of value now. I suppose I could staple shit to my body, but I’m afraid of pain. Does that make me a selfish person?

Do you lose things? What are some things you’ve lost?

P.S. I’ve received so many emails since I started blogging about my blog designer, Lindsay Nicole. She designed this blog from scratch and I’m so thrilled by her aesthetics, fair prices, and attention to detail. I love her dearly for being so goddamn patient with me. She’s back in the blog design game full-time. If you need a blog re-design or something totally new and fresh, Lindsay is big pimpin.’

P.P.S. You. Me. Facebook. Let’s make it happen. I post original content on Facebook throughout the week. “Like” the page to see pictures + posts in your news feed.
image via pinterest

August 6, 2012