For Better or For Worse

According to a free online personality test, I am an introvert. An ISFP to be specific. Even though the site states multiple times that none of the sixteen possible types are better or worse than another, I am not happy with ISFP, so I will be taking other free tests until I achieve the desired result. I would prefer to be an intuitive, thinking, judging extrovert. Basically, I still want to be me, but just the exact opposite.

Welp, I just took two more tests, and I’m still an ISFP.

My problem is that I’m too honest. After an extensive internet search on ways to cheat the Myers-Briggs test, I distilled my notes into one Super Tip: pick the opposite answer. It seemed easy at first because my Super Tip was only one action item, but some of these tests have sixty questions. I guess I’m too wonderful of a person to lie sixty times in a row.

The Introvert vs. Extrovert typification is most important to me because I’ve always considered myself an extrovert. I mean, yes, I:

1. Become extremely shy in larger social settings and many (MANY) people often mistake it as being bitchy and aloof.
2. Like being with just a few close friends or alone.
3. Need time to recharge if I’ve spent the day interacting with others.
4. Go to the bathroom a lot when I am out and stay way too long in there because I enjoy the silence interrupted only by an occasional flush.
5. Avoid eye contact because yes, I
5b. Am shitty at small talk.
6. Start feeling lightheaded on Monday if I am leaving for a conference on Friday.

Now that all of these seemingly unrelated factors are in one list, I guess it’s pretty obvious that I’m an introvert. In my defense, I said I was wonderful, not all-knowing.

Maybe I wanted to be an extrovert so badly that somewhere along the way, I started believing my own bullshit. The same experience happened with my height recently. I’d never considered myself a person of vertical disadvantage until I stood next to some sixth graders. What the fuck are kids eating these days?

The one person who makes me feel completely at ease is Harv. That’s why I call him five times a day at work. Sometimes, the calls are necessary and important, but most of the time (like 99.9999%), it’s a short chat on topics I find most interesting at that moment- rap music, Tom Ford lipsticks, clothing care and moth prevention…I hate those fiber-destroying motherfuckers.

Harv has been especially busy these past few months. We don’t talk as much, but I often dial his number out of habit. I absentmindedly called him after taking the third personality test and a few minutes into our chat, I heard several voices in the background. He was on a conference call, but he told me to “keep going” with my story so I did. Less than a minute later, I heard more voices. He was on a conference call, people were in his office waiting for him, and he was on another phone with me. I offered to hang up, but he said, “No, it’s okay, I want you to hear about your day.”

I think….I think I don’t really care if I’m an ISFP. I guess I had to start with all of those words first because what I really wanted to talk about makes me nervous. It really blows my mind that Harv loves me at all. I can’t believe that someone so special thinks that I’m special and worthwhile too. He didn’t have to love me and it’s hard to love me, but he does it anyway. Not just because he’s a good person (he is) and not just because he has a lot of patience (he does), but because for him, since the age of 17, I was different and special and he never forgot me.

His love has allowed me to heal in ways I can’t verbalize quite yet, and I finally feel like I can accept myself just as I am because he reminds me all of the time that I’m a good person too and I’m going to be all right.

That’s what I wanted to say all along- I am awed by my husband’s love. Also, I hope he loves me enough to help me cheat on some online tests tonight.

Holler at me: Flourish in Progress on Facebook, @flourishinprogress on Instagram, @ElizabethJLiu on Twitter
So much not-seen-on-this-blog shit on these 3. Forrealz.

P.S. Grand Taxonomy of Rap Names Print WINNER: Rommy Delgado Coleman. Please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail with your mailing address.

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  • Lisa

    I love love love your love for each other. I’d also love to post more, but I hate typing on a goddamn iPad.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’m horrible with the iPad. I finally gave mine to Cal. I even got one of those keyboard cover attachments. Still no bueno.

  • KMo

    Too lovely that man.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress


  • Courtney

    This is one of my most favorite posts of yours! I never ever comment, but this one drew me out. My favorite part was where you talk about your husband. You are a lucky gal! I have a husband very much like yours.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I think this is one of the best things anybody can say-that you felt compelled to leave a note when you usually don’t. I’m so glad you have a wonderful man by your side…that kind of love makes life so much easier. Maybe not easy, but easier.

  • Amy @ ToothbrushTravels

    You deserve all the love you have and more.
    Harv sounds like a total babe, super sweet that he put you above his conference call! x

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I `told Harv afterwards that that moment was when I knew he really loved me after 6.5 years of marriage. He didn’t look that happy about it or anything.

  • theblahblahblahger


    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      But that would make me First Lady. That is a scary, scary, scary, scary thought. Do you want the White House crunkified?

  • loudlysilent

    Elizabeth, I’m also an FP! I’ve read the F means we make choices based on how we feel, not whether they’re logical. The P means we prefer flexibility and spontaneity. So, we’re pretty fucking awesome. p.s. As everyone has said, jeez, Harv loves you a lot.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Well since you put it that way…maybe I’ll just stick with ISFP. =)

  • Nicole Garner

    This might sound crazy but we have very similar lives. I was a single mother with my daughter before I met my guy. He has taken my daughter on as his own. I’m so far from perfect as in the sun is perfect and I’m Pluto, but he loves me regardless of that and I find myself most days wondering why. Over the last couple weeks I’ve really worked his patience but yet he is still here with his love. I really feel you on this one :)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I love, love hearing this. When my single friends lament about the lack of good men, I just tell them….he’s coming. And he’s totally worth the wait.

  • Sarah Wilson

    Not gonna lie – skimmed it looking for a link to the personality test, came here to ask for the link since it wasn’t in the post, read the other comments, realized I missed something important, actually read the article….

    And now I’m just all “d’aww…” Harv is awesome! I always want to call my husband as soon as I get in a car, because I always call him on my way home from work. He is without a phone for two weeks (long story short: he’s incredibly absent-minded) and it’s been driving me crazy!! Hooray for husbands that let us ramble about our days! :)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I don’t know if I could survive for a phone without 2 weeks. Not because I couldn’t talk to my family but because…Candy Crush. Damn. Can’t believe I was brave enough to write that.

      With or without his phone, I love that you have a husband who lets you speak to your heart’s content. Good man.

  • xoxoDarya

    Sometimes it is not that the Caveman loves me as much as he does or even that he loves me at all (and most of the time, even THAT is not that easy to realize and remember), but it is more about me believing that I don’t suffer from some obscure form of mental retardation that renders me incapable of picking such a good man who could love me with such sure-footedness. But he does, so I have to believe that if he is so good at love then he would not pick someone not worthy to give his love to. Too heavy?

    xoxo D

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Not heavy. Just right. Their love teaches us a lot about ourselves.

  • Tonya S Drew

    lucky lady :) and INFJ which is totally ball sucking being single!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Just looked up INFJ. Girl, you the rarest kind. =) It always says that you are a protective and genuine. Maybe you just haven’t met a man who is good enough for your rare and wonderful breed.

  • Steph@DontChewGlass

    I’m an introvert too, they tell me. I would like to give Harv a high five for being such a peach. And guess what else? You deserve him. <3

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Aw, you are so kind. Thank you.

      P.S. I wonder what a gang of introverts would look like. Maybe we should be in one and be awkward together.

      • Steph@DontChewGlass

        That would be awesome. We could make people really uncomfortable without even trying.

  • Johi Kokjohn-Wagner

    Harv is a precious treasure and of course he loves you- you’re wonderful and enchanting and beautiful and talented and smart and funny. And as an ESFP, I know things, so you should listen to me. :)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oo..I can’t believe we’re both SFPs. I actually love that. Because I always feel very safe when i am with you. Also, I have a lot of fun. So maybe that means the majority of my traits aren’t so bad. You’re such a bad ass.

  • Jennifer Folmar

    I am an INFP myself. Ain’t no thing. :) Also, Yay for Harv. It makes me happy to just hear my honey’s voice in the middle of the day sometimes. I’m glad Harv makes time to talk with you.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I just love knowing there is always going to be someone on the other end of the line who has to listen to my east coast rap v. west coast rap debate…and act like he even knows what I’m talking about.

  • Rommy Delgado Coleman

    That shit made me teary eyed. Good work!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’m sorry I made you cry. How about I give you a poster to make up for it?

  • Rommy Delgado Coleman

    HOLYSHITBALLS! I just saw that I won!!! Damn tears got in the way!!!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress



  • Leigh Ann

    I love this. I so relate with everything you said about being an introvert. I was painfully shy as a kid and teen, and I was often mistaken for stuck up. And then when you moved into talking about Harv…I too don’t know why my husband loves me most days. I swear if I found myself single again, I’d never find anyone. Who else in the world would put up with all of my shit?

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      YES EXACTLY THIS. I go out all the time with my girlfriends and when I play wing woman and chat it up with random strangers, I always think to myself that no one would ever be able to love me like Harv loves me….or put up with all my weirdness.

  • Kait

    No man, I’m not crying. It’s raining on my face. G’s don’t cry.

    (Sobbing. Like an idiot. This past year has been hell for me but my husband has been rock solid and it blows my mind that he still, after everything, chooses me. Every day. He chooses to stay with me for all my crazy. I love when other people have love like that and I’m finally starting to recognize the power in my own marriage.)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Your comment notification was the first thing I saw in my inbox this morning and it cracked me the fuck up. I’m so sorry that I made it rain on your face. And I’m so very, very glad that your husband realizes your immense worth and sticks by you no matter what.

  • Stephanie

    I hate taking those tests b/c I over analyze every answer. I know there are no “right or wrong” answers but I can’t help feeling that feeling that I’m doing something wrong. I’ve discovered that many bloggers are introverts. I guess that’s why we feel safe to express ourselves behind the computer screen rather than in a group.
    I love this post about your relationship. I’m so glad you shared it. Too often we don’t share the good stuff about relationships. I have a wonderful guy too. I hope that I am showing him the love he deserves.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh, totally. This is why I can’t take those Buzzfeed quizzes like “what rapper are you” or “what city should you live in” I just analyze the shit out of both the questions and the result and it’s too much stress.

      I wish I could be as friendly to my bloggy friends in the real world as I am online but I get so painfully shy and feel so awkward…I’m working on it.

  • chelsea

    craaaaazy! my husband totally just gave me that same pack of gum with MF-er haha love it. i married the epitome of an extravert so we get to have lots of fun conversation about he can’t just sign up me up to go out with people every night of the week and also can’t stay locked in our bedroom reading.

    sounds like you found yourself a pretty great guy too!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Your husband has EXCELLENT taste. I am so excited every time I get anything from BlueQ. I love it when opposites attract and find a way to not only make a marriage work, but thrive.

  • Sarah Stars

    Gosh, this is kind of hard, because I feel like I have a lot to say, but I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of it before, and blah blah. Regardless, the way you’ve explained the love you and your husband have together gives me hope – heck, most of the stuff you’ve written gives me hope – but for some reason, this post, all of a sudden, I’m like, ‘shoot – this girl has gone through some crazy stuff and she got herself a HEA, there ain’t no reason why I should be thinking I can’t get me one, too.’ So, yeah, Thank You for sharing your life, and spreading positive messages, and love, and all the good stuff. I’ll stop now, before I get wordy, and possibly creepy. Your words are wonderful, and I know I’m not the only one who lurks (and doesn’t comment) and gets moved by your words. Thank You, Thank You.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Girl, I ain’t gonna lie…I urban dictionary’ed HEA. And then I said “awww.” My life is so much better than it used to be, but I feel guilty and bad for Harv because um he could be married to someone else. Someone better. And that’s one of the big issues I’ve had to work through because I was so afraid of the goodness that I kept trying to ruin it. I KNOW you will find your HEA. I 100% know this to be true. There is someone out there who is awesome enough to deserve you.

  • Natane

    Isn’t it just amazing what strong, resiliant love can allow us to become? Thank you for sharing this.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I didn’t believe it until I experienced it.

      I hope Cal finds a good man who will give her the same kind of strong love.

  • Hers, His and Ours

    The thing I love about your blog is I never know if I’m going to laugh my ass off or shed a few tears when I read a post. Today it was a combo of both! It was a great surprise to get to the Harv part of the story. Harv is totally awesome! The fact he knew at 17 that you were special and never forgot you is the coolest part about your love story. I have to say I’m extremely jealous that Harv not only puts everyone else on hold when you call, but really wants to hear about your day even given the line waiting to talk to him. My Hubby always takes my calls, but if he were in same the situation he’d probably suggest if it’s not urgent we wait and talk when he gets home. Hahaha!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Can I just tell you again that I was so happy to cross paths with you in San Diego? I just thought you were so bright (like, not just in the smart sense, but in the “person filled with light” sense). Did I ask you if you were doing any more conferences this year? If so, I hope you said yes, and it happens to be one that I am going to as well.

      My dude prob didn’t even hear half my words but I’ll take it!

      • Hers, His and Ours

        It was great seeing you again as well! You are in person just like your blog – I always feel like I’m catching up with a great friend. Well I usually pick conferences very scientifically – great locations! So far I’ve only signed up to go to Alt Summit SLC in June which probably sounds strange. I broke my method of choosing since I live close by. Not sure about other ones right now. Love any suggestions you want to send my way.

  • Emily Trout

    Ahhhh loved this, as usual! You’re husband sounds amazing- luck you! And, lucky him, because clearly he wouldn’t be an eighth as cool if you weren’t around. Obviously your street cred is doing wonders for his reputation. :)

    I really like hearing about your relationship because it sounds amazing. Mine is too, and I don’t feel like people talk about the good enough, they usually just bitch.

    Also, numbers 1-3 and 5b are me, to a T. Sometimes I hate life.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’ve (unfortunately) had the chance to witness a lot of bad marriages in motion, but what I’ve learned from the few solid ones around me is that they don’t talk shit even though that’s a super easy thing to do. If they don’t have anything nice to say, then they just don’t say anything at all. I’m not good about giving credit all the time, but I think praise is so helpful and any situation.

  • Misty

    I love your and Harv’s love. It is a beautiful thing. You both deserve each other and I’m so glad you found one another again. It was fate. Kismet. Destiny. Any of those stupid, fantasy bullshit words. But it was. Twu Wuv. And you deserve his love. Never forget it.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      It’s not going to happen anytime soon, but maybe one day I will be the wife he deserves.

  • mommyonthespot

    I think it is wonderful that you have found someone who loves you just the way you are. You deserve that, my friend.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      The dude is a saint to put up with me.

      Love you, friend.

  • Julie White

    I want a Harv.

    • Julie White

      It takes a lot of courage to sift through the confusion and contradiction of a traumatic past. Kudos to you for walking through the pain. I think in time, you will find that doing the work will allow you to experience true freedom.

  • Lissylou74

    1. That’s beautiful. 2. We were writing about the same thing at about the same time, strange coincidence? Probably not, but I prefer to believe the universe revolves around me. 3. Thank you, I love your writing.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Girl, great minds think alike. ;)

  • anastasiaC

    oh I took the test a few times hoping to get an Extrovert result…ha! Im an introvert too. Its actually nice to see why I am what I am…it all makes sense!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      It is so eerie that this test seems to know me better than I know me. But…I’m just glad that there’s something out there that can crack the mystery a little bit!

  • Amber Dorsey

    this. I don’t even have words. it’s so evocative of how I feel about my husband. I’m an ambivert and have similar issues except I put my foot in my mouth a lot in public situations because….I too am terrible at small talk. but yet my husband still loves me. wants to spend time with me and sometimes I have no idea why or how.
    so happy I discovered you and your writing!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You are so much awesomeness and he is obviously very, very smart to see your immense worth.