Monday Dare: That’s mine, motherfucker

therightman

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: Own it

This occurred to me very recently: I have the power to make my life easy or difficult.

It seems like such a simple thing. If something can be distilled down into just a few words, it has to be easy, yes?

Yes. I mean, sort of. Only “sort of” because now, to do this supposedly simple thing, I have to go around collecting my power from the people I’ve been giving it to since…forever.

There’s not much left in my own reserve. So little, in fact, that I’m reminded of all the times I’ve been too lazy to turn the near-empty bottle of hair conditioner upside-down before I step out of the shower. Then, of course, the next time I’m washing up, I have neither the time nor the patience to flip the bottle on its head and wait while the remainder pools near the opening. I open the lid, swish a little water around, and pour the watered-down contents onto my head.

“Fuck it. This diluted shit is good enough,” I tell myself.

The diluted shit has always been good enough for me.

I’ve been giving away my power for so long, to so many people who didn’t even really deserve it in the first place, that I’ve had to make do with the dregs of what’s left for most of my adult life. 

It is only now that I understand what a profound impact this has had on my development and my happiness. My broken memories are populated by broken people with either too much power or not enough power.

Almost every time I venture out of the house lately, I bump into someone I so willingly handed my power to back in the day. I am reminded of the things they used to say to me. I am reminded of how I stayed silent during all of it.

Your ass is too flat. You have a little girl’s body. I don’t like it when your hair is up. I don’t like it when your hair is down. You swear too much. You’re not friendly enough. Your laugh is too loud. You laugh too much. You talk too much. You’re not really the kind of girl I can bring home to my parents. You dress like a sa mo neem (pastor’s wife). You dress like a hooker. You’re not very smart. You’re too smart. Your cooking tastes like shit. You’re a piece of shit. You’re a whore. You’re a waste of time. 

FUCK YOU. I’M AWESOME. That flat ass? Mine, motherfucker. I own it. I love it. That laugh? Mine. I love it. My clothes? That’s my style, fucker. I love it.

tupaclove

“There is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.” -Leonard Cohen.

As I become brave enough to OWN ME, and as I allow my cracks to grow longer and wider, the light grows brighter, highlighting all of my dark secrets and ugly imperfections.

All things, even ugly things, take on radiance in the light.
__
That Tupac shirt? I “borrowed” it from my kid. More pictures on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress). And I’ll be announcing some exciting news on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page this week. Let’s get connected.

WINNERS of last week’s Wallflower giveaway: 1. M (you have the word “fair” in your email address), 2. Kristyn (“80″ in your email), 3. Amy (“79″ in your email), 4. Corin (“cb” are the first two letters in your email). Please drop me a line at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com with your address.

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Comments

  1. You’re beautiful. How dare anybody.

  2. This shit right here? YES.

  3. i have always kind of had a girl crush on you, then it started growing more and more as i read this (upside down conditioner bottle is a BADASS metaphor;), and then you quoted Leonard Cohen and now it’s official, i am totally in love. let the light in…

  4. Good for you for standing up for YOU! And if you don’t, who will?! And way to be a role model for the kid. :)

  5. YOU FUCKING ROCK!!! Let no one ever EVER tell you otherwise.

  6. People who say stuff like that get me mad. I go immediately to thinking how I’d feel if they said it to one of my girls, and then I just want to kick all of them in the balls.

    I would kick them all in the balls for you sweetie. But I like the idea of you taking your power back from them instead. Way more kick ass.

    ps. I love you just the way you are.

    • It’s times like this I am very happy to be on your good side. I’m pretty sure your ass-kickings AIN’T NOTHING TO MESS WITH.

      Oh gosh, I am so excited to see you next week. But…I’m sad to think about losing you for two years. womp womp womb

  7. Brittany Rae says:

    And that is when you say Bitches I am famous cuz I blog about you. Like a smaller version of Taylor Swift. Ha ha!

    • lolol. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been listening to some T Swift recently and I always wonder, “Damn girl, you’re only, like 3 years old, how do you got so much bitterness for peeps already.” But I think it’s pretty ballsy she uses her platform to get her Don’t Fuck With Me message across.

  8. I can’t even put into words how great you are and a role model for women everywhere to say – Hey, this is me. I love me and you should too! And if you can’t, step the fuck off. Too many of us settle for less than awesomeness for fear of what others may think … You, my dear are the very definition of awesome.

  9. Laura Bezzeg says:

    Profound. Wise. and just plain fucking-A right!!

  10. danperezfilms says:

    Once you own it, you take it away from “them”. Keep owning that shit homegirl and watch the haters flee…

  11. Own it girl! Radiate your light so there’s may learn to do the same.

  12. Love this post. Adore you.

  13. laura @ hollywood housewife says:

    Since I’ve only gotten to know you a little bit recently, when you write some of these things about your past, it’s so shocking to me. You’re so strong. Clearly stronger than you’ve ever known.

  14. Damn, girl. I think we all need to tell ourselves that – and stop listening to the opinions of others.

  15. 1. I am proud of you.
    2. You are awesome.
    3. I admire the fuck out of you and your strength.
    4. I have been working really hard lately to try to own all my shit. It is much harder than I expected, but I am still trying. I am a work in progress.
    5. I love you.

  16. You kick ass, girl. No more power givaways, ya hear?

  17. Glad you stopped listening to those jerks

  18. Elizabeth your a FOX!! Fabulous, an Original, and X-tra Special!!! You rock!!

  19. Elizabeth – this post is the shit! I love it! I can relate 1000%. It was always something…I was too modest, not modest enough, too smart, not smart enough….
    This is one of my favorite posts of yours since I’ve been following you – and that’s saying something, right there. ;)

  20. This is an amazing post. I love the imagery and the power!

  21. WizJesslifa says:

    I fucking love you.

  22. I’m kind of going through the same situation right now… Where, I think I’m happy, but the past (including my past actions and nonactions) are affecting me and my ability to not fuck shit up today. I am not perfect and have many flaws. I like me for who I am (for the most part); I just gotta let the haters that have always been trying to drag me down go… those are the people that I do not need in my life!! Be you and be fabulous!! (a little mantra I’ve been telling myself lately!)

    • It’s hard to let people go, even when they and their shitty attitudes aren’t working for us. I guess I just fear that initial feeling of loss. Even when I thought I would feel some sort of immediate and deeply gratifying AHHHHH I’M FREE, I would still feel a little sad and think I made the wrong choice.

      But, I just had to be me and be fabulous….and not doubt myself. ;)

  23. Caroline Mcqueen says:

    It’s true, all of it. I love that about growing up. I’ve always been a black sheep, rebel, trouble maker, but I’m sensitive and can’t handle criticism. I don’t think I’ve forgotten the terrible things said to me, but I’ve come into my own Praise Yaweh. The older I get, the more comfortable I get with honesty and keeping it real. Don’t you wish you could go back in time and tell all those a-holes to go blank themselves?

    • I really love all of this. Because I can relate to every single bit of it. I’ve always been the black sheep, not only in my family, but sort of in the Asian community as a whole. And as a rebel or a troublemaker, I guess people assume that we don’t have feelings or that we have tough shells, but it’s not true. Maybe we act the way we do because we feel too much and things just hurt us more and linger longer. I am happy to grow older. The older I get, the less I care about motherfuckers or concern myself with fitting in. I’m okay being me. Even if others aren’t.

  24. Caroline Mcqueen says:

    Also, please post a pic of yourself with no-make and looking really ugly. Thanks!

  25. Thank you for this. Keep on keepin’ on.

  26. Would Cal have even worn the t-shirt? it’s definitely yours. If you have a reunion in the future you should go and show people how you’ve grown to own it, and to say “suck it!” to their faces.

    • I wouldn’t say it would be her first choice of attire. ;) Glad she and I have different tastes.

      I’ve been running into a lot of these people a lot lately. Especially in KTown. Maybe I need to stop going to KTown. Oy, but I love the food so much. And god knows I’m not learning to cook that shit at home.

  27. I looooooooove this post! I recently came to the same realization. And now…life is good.

  28. mygirlfriendvoice says:

    Loved this post and shared it with friends. Can’t wait to read more of your thoughts—
    CaraW

  29. Powerful! Loved the post.

  30. HersHisandOurs says:

    Amazing post! I was just thinking about this very thing – giving my power away for sooo many years when I read this post. It really spoke to me on so many levels. Thanks so much for being so open and real about your life. You’re incredibly awesome!

    • I think the amazing family you’re pulled together is pretty awesome. Talk about getting your power back and sharing it with the younguns! Takes a really strong and brave person to love like you do. Although, uh, kids can run you ragged sometimes and you just want to run away. I, uh, speak from personal experience.

  31. This is awesome! And it’s inspiration to me to stop giving away my power to people who make me feel little in life and inconsequential. I need to stop. I’m going to read this every time they try to take away my power to remind myself that they can’t unless I let them. Thanks for this!

    • Doesn’t it just seem like some people have an AMAZING gift (I mean, if I can even call it a gift) to make us feel worthless. Maybe they don’t want to see us shine because they think it will accentuate all of their own flaws and shortcomings. I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want them in my life.

  32. It’s taken me a week or more to comment because everytime I start, I read what you wrote and well.. Tears obscure my view. I’m not sure if they’s fuck up my keyboard so I take the safe route and walk away until they’re done.

    You said once “fuck the fuckes” and I think that applies here. I too have given away too much of myself to the fuckers who think they own it. Like you, no more. Letting go is a process but it’s nice to know I have company as I float back to the top of my energy barrell.

  33. Roller Scrapper says:

    You are luminous, I’m glad you finally see that now and are helping others see it in themselves!

Commenting Guidelines:Leave your thoughts below and I'll holler back at you with a response. PLEASE DO NOT POST LINKS TO PRODUCTS OR SITES within the body of your comments. I edit/delete them. If you'd like to link your comment back to your site, just sign up for a Disqus account. It's quick and easy. I promise.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] This post. I think every woman needs to believe Elizabeth’s truth. [...]

  2. [...] Monday Dare: That’s Mine Motherfucker OK, excuse the language in the title but this was a great post. Every week, Elizabeth challenges herself to a Monday Dare. This week, she challenged herself to own it – own herself, her life and her power. [...]

  3. [...] blog post that I feel compelled to print a hard copy of it.  But, that is exactly what I did with this post by Elizabeth Jayne Liu of Flourish in [...]

  4. [...] post was originally published on Elizabeth’s Flourish In Progress. For more from Elizabeth, check out her blog and follow her on twitter,  facebook, [...]

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