Monday Dare (& Some News): Ugly People

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Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn about its origin.

This week: Trust others less. Trust myself more. 

I set aside a few hours each week to work on rap lyrics. Cal is going off to college in 4.5 years. Instead of feeling forlorn and displaced with my new empty-nester status, I plan to use that time to build my rap career. It’ll be an excellent way for me to stay in touch with Cal because I could do a college tour, and I’m pretty sure she would want her school to be one of the stops. Maybe she could bring her friends. I’d give them a once-over to be certain she’s not hanging out with a bunch of hooligans, and also, that would be more people at my show. Two birds + One stone = Winning at this crazy thing called life.

I’ve been reading a lot of self-improvement books lately because I don’t want my rhymes to be about just bitches and tricks and Bentleys. Sure, that might work for the young bucks, but when you come to the Rap Game as an Asian female in her mid-thirties, your lyrics have to offer something more. I want to be insightful and inspirational, and the best way to do that is to work on myself and become a solid person. When you rap from a place of truth, the sky is the limit.

There seems to be a trend with these self-improvement books. It doesn’t even matter what broader issue they’re trying to address. Nestled in each is a browbeating about being less judgmental.

I’m always pressuring myself to be less judgey because, come on, who knows the real back story of why the balding man standing in front of me at the Burger King in Barstow with the Papa Smurf tattoo near his left eye and extremely clogged nose pores is wearing an ankle bracelet? Maybe the crowbar really DID slip out of his hand 17 times. Maybe no one’s ever taken the time to show him the benefits of a Clarisonic face brush. He’s an imperfect person. I’m an imperfect person. Should I judge?

YES.

I’ve spent some time surveying the people I’ve let into my life over the past decade. I decided not to look at the years before I was 21 because everyone is really stupid before they are 21. A lot of people are still stupid afterwards, but for the sake of my exercise, I had to draw the line somewhere.

I have allowed too many Ugly People to pass through my life. It’s probably because I lack the ability to pick up on things quickly. Ugly People are hard to spot sometimes because the most Hideous of the bunch are often the most skilled at hiding their true nature. They pretend to care about your well-being. They send you thoughtful text messages and emails because they haven’t heard from you in a minute. They invite you places and introduce you to people and laugh at your jokes and stroke your ego. Everything around them seems shinier. This is not an accident.

Everyone’s true character comes out…eventually. When I start to see the cracks and inconsistencies, I usually doubt myself. There I go, being all judgey again, I think. I let one injury slide, and then it becomes seven jabs, and before I know it, I’ve allotted years of my life to friendships that were never a “real thing” in the first place. It’s not a “real thing” when the other party is incapable of giving.

When I think of all the time I wasted on fuckjobs because I trusted our friendship more than I trusted myself…I ain’t gonna lie, I get pissed. But to operate out of spite and piss-offedness (that’s a word, yes?) would make me an even bigger loser.

The next time I read about being less judgmental, I will cross that nonsense out with my large-tip Sharpie. I may not be all that smart, but my instincts deserve to be trusted. You too. Follow your heart. That shit is legit, yo.

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  • http://fearlessfibrowarrior.blogspot.com FearlessFibro

    Congrats, girl. And don’t let the haters get you down.

    Once you get fully all spiritual and in tune and shit, you will learn to trust that teeny little voice that whispers that the person in front of you is lookin’ to score some of your energy. And all those dollars you spent on self-help books? Priceless.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Energy vampires…ain’t nothing worse than those bitches. ;)

  • Emelie Samuelson

    Congrats on the Radio Show… Obviously this is just a stepping stone to your future rap career. I look forward to hearing all your beatz.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      lolol. Thank you! I’m going to slip in some rapping and hopefully, they won’t cut it out. ;)

  • Wanda the Whackadoodleologist

    Why are the red flags about people so much easier to see from behind? Shouldn’t they be visible from the front, too? Like with alarms and shit??

    Congrats on trusting yourself, chick!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Preferably a large forehead tattoo: “Caution. I am an asshole.”

  • morethanjustanadjunct

    It’s like you’re always thinking exactly what I’m thinking, only funnier.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thank you for using the word “funnier.” My husband says “crazier.”

  • Johi Kokjohn-Wagner

    Oh, the Ugly People. Yes. And yuck.
    Whenever I second guess my initial instinct about people, I am reminded of the correct nature of my initial instincts.
    Congratulations on the radio show! Keep on on keeping on!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thank you, mami!

      Don’t know why we are so compelled to second guess ourselves when it comes to trusting/befriending other people. Our heart knows.

  • http://twitter.com/heyasher Asher Lin

    Loved this post, and congrats on the new show! Have you read The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin? That book is definitely worth it. My thought on ugly/unworthy people: very, very few people in the world are worth causing me stress.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thanks, Asher!
      I adore Gretchen Rubin and think she is one smart lady. I’ll let her tell me how to live my life anytime.
      I wish I had learned what you already know a long, long time ago. Prolly wouldn’t have so many gray hairs.

  • http://inpursuitofhappiness.net/blog Miss Britt

    Alright, no bullshit Liz, this was a brilliantly written post that most people would just assume was super easy to write. This is one of those posts that makes me feel like a hack.

    RE: judging, my thoughts on that are that I don’t necessarily have to decide someone is good or bad to decide they have or have not earned a spot in my life.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You just made me blush. Which is very hard for an Asian to do. I think.

      I don’t necessarily need to root around in the filth of anyone’s soul before stamping them as “good” or “bad,” but if they are bad to me, and I ignore that, then I am setting myself up for heartache. I think.

  • Misty

    First off, I need to know when it is a podcast. I will listen the shit out of that. But 10pm on the westsahd is way past my bedtime. Even gangstas have to sleep sometime, yo. ;)
    As to the Ugly People, I have had quite a few of those in my life, and it has taken me years of experience to know how to see one of those coming. I think we need all of those hurtful experiences, unfortunately, to hone our asshole detector. I have a fine tuned one at this point. But I had to go through quite a few assholes before I got there. With time and experience, comes knowledge. We are two knowledgable bitches, girl.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Hopefully, the first few episodes will be available via podcast next week. A half-sleepy gangster is useless. Thug life requires at least 8 solid hours of shut eye.

      I’m glad that we at least got something useful out of all of those asshole experiences. Knowledge and……if I’m being honest, I’m pretty awesome at pushing people in the face now.

  • http://www.unitedstatesofbecky.blogspot.com/ unitedstatesofbecky

    Ooh…congratulations on your radio show! I don’t think I have a way to get that, so I’ll have to go the podcast route – definitely hook us (followers) up with that, yo.

    Aw man. I try to be nicey-nice. Like when people cut me off in traffic, I try to tell myself: “maybe they genuinely didn’t see me, or maybe they’re feeling stomach sick and want to get home asap?” And then I scream “fucktard!” at the top of my lungs.

    As it comes to the more personal stuff, I just have to say that yup, I’ve been there. You try to let it go, try to think “they’re not deliberately being hurtful” – but after a while, it honestly doesn’t matter if they’re deliberately being hurtful or if they genuinely just don’t give enough crap about you to not want to hurt you – in the end, you have to cut that gangrenous limb off.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thank you! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the podcasts go up starting next week. That way, more people can hear me say things like “If he doesn’t open his wallet, I’m not opening my legs”…which is something I said in the first show. I forget that I’m being recorded. Oops.

      Sometimes, I drive next to people who cut me off and hiss. I wish I was joking.

      Ugly People are poisonous. They eat away at your soul. So, mos def, gotta cut that shit off.

  • alexandra

    This is exciting. Congratulations. Can’t wait to see all the more you’ll be doing. So far, I love it all–your willingness to share tips on figuring out LIFE.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thank you! I certainly haven’t even come close to figuring out anything about life, but I’m totally okay with trying and failing. ;)

  • Roller Scrapper

    A radio show? You are too awesome! Congrats!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      =) Thank you, dear friend. xo

  • Stef

    I literally could not love this blog any more than I already do. I wasted a lot of time on a srsly legit fuckjob of a friend years ago. She was especially fond of waiting until shit was finally going really well in my life to start creating drama in hers. Then she would try to consume me with it. Because we didn’t both deserve to be happy at once? Right. Who would want that.
    Whatever. Pretty pumped to hear these podcasts.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh. Those people. The ones who can’t STAND to see you finally find some peace, so they have to manufacture some vortex of gloom and doom to suck you in. Yes, so familiar. The shitty thing is, I still have a hard time spotting them. Must work on this. Good riddance to this vortex chick of yours.

      You deserve to live in rooms full of light.

  • mommyonthespot

    I cannot tell you how much this post resonates with me. I’ve totally been there, trusting people I shouldn’t have because I didn’t want to believe what was really going on. That whole calling, texting you like they really care thing – it’s like they are grooming you to screw you over.

    It has taken me a lot of guts to trust myself.

    Also, so super excited for your radio show!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I think people with huge hearts and a caring, compassionate disposition like you can draw in these leaches, but don’t let those fuckers suck the life out of you. You are valuable and amazing, and not just for the things you can do for people, but just because you are you. The you I know is so awesome. How dare anyone mess with my homegirl. Fuckers.

  • Leelee in CLE

    Just wanted to say how awesome and inspiring your blog is. I’ve been dealing with the fact that all people that call themselves “friends”, don’t have my back. It broke me down for a while but then I read your posts and realize, fuck the fuckers. Nobody is worth making me forget who I am. A bad ass bitch, just like yourself. Keep up the good word, Girlie!!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OY. Nothing worse than having to weed out the “friend” riffraff in your life. Or…maybe there’s nothing better. Saves a lot of time and heartache and drama down the line. Fuck the fuckers, indeed. I wish for nothing but goodness and good people to surround you. For, like, ever.

  • http://twitter.com/KnottedTresses Knotted Tresses

    My mother was the best teacher for me when it comes to trust. I spent alot of my life watching her trust people only to be betrayed by them, as a result I am a “bitch”. I put bitch in quotes because it seems when you are a woman and you have a backbone and you don’t bend over quietly so people can fuck you (sans lube or reacharound) that is the label one is given. The people who are close to me know that if I love you I would do almost anything for you. For everyone else you have to earn that shit. I am very cautious when it comes to people who want to be my friend too quickly, rightfully so. I am jaded. Thanks mom.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Your descriptions always kill me. Always keepin it REAL, G!

      Honestly, there’s nothing bitchy about you. Are you honest and are never cruel about it. You don’t allow others to get taken advantage of. And you will speak the truth when others might not take the time or the effort to do so.

  • http://twitter.com/salesses Matthew Salesses

    awesome!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thank you! xx

  • SuzLotus

    A-Fucking men.