Monday Dare: Harvard, Hoodrat style

(Working the late night grind.)


Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Work the Ivy League (not really) grind

Wait just a goddamn minute. How is it the middle of November already? No, you’re right, I guess it’s not exactly the middle of November. CLOSE ENOUGH. FIGHT ME.

It’s been a struggle keeping track of the exact date this year. My insurance agent didn’t send me a calendar AGAIN (That’s three years in a row, William. Don’t think it’s gone unnoticed.), and I’m too cheap to buy one. I try to hit up the bookstores around January 15 to see if they’re unloading any calendars for extremely discounted prices, but I usually miss the sale because, well, I don’t have a calendar to tell me it’s January 15. Do you see the Vicious Cycle action going on right there?

A few months ago, I registered for an online computer science class offered by Harvard’s Open Learning Initiative. It appealed to me because it was free, and upon completion, I would receive a paper certificate from HarvardX recognizing my achievement. I had plans to frame that bitch (double matte, gilt trimming) with a small brass plaque underneath:


Sure, it’s probably not going to be as satisfying as a legit undergraduate degree that involves actual live class time and tuition, but let’s be real…I can’t commit to working the Ivy League grind for four soul-sucking years.

I only know this because the online course is already starting to wear me down. It’s stated clearly in the course description before sign-up, so it’s not like I got tricked or anything, but the self-paced course involves: 8 Problems Sets (15-20 hours each), 2 Quizzes, and 1 Final Project. Not only do I not have a calendar, but I also don’t own a calculator. I didn’t realize that 8 multiplied by 15 or 20 is way more than 3…which is the maximum number of hours I was willing to devote to my pursuit of higher education.

GUYS, 120-160 hours is NOWHERE near 3. And that time range is probably an estimate for someone with a functioning brain. My course requirements should read: 8 problem sets (FUCKING FOREVER), 2 Quizzes (FUCK YOU, YOU’RE FUCKED), 1 Final Project (FUCK YOU SOME MORE, HAHAHA).

Class started October 15. I have until April 15. I have yet to finish Problem Set #1. It’s not that the set is too difficult, it’s just really hard to see the computer screen through all the tears. If this is what it’s like to become smarter, than I’m a-ok remaining as dumb as a sack of rocks.

Have you ever been in over your head? Committed to something out of your league? Did you quit or see it through?

P.S. Instagram just launched a web interface, so you no longer need a smartphone to peek accounts. Since joining Instagram a few weeks ago, I’ve been outta control taking pictures of shit that probably shouldn’t be documented. Username: flourishinprogress

P.P.S. Dumb people still like to have friends. Let’s connect on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page.

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