Monday Dare: Cashin’ out

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: Spend, spend, spend

Most of us can pinpoint an event which impacts us so profoundly that anything to the left of that Moment in our timeline is known as the Before and everything to the right is known as the After. I thought I had my Moment when I became a mother at 19. Then, when I married Harv, it seemed to me that having two Moments was also a possibility. If only I had been able to see into the future.

I won some money yesterday. I usually don’t throw figures around, but I’m comfortable being candid with you. Plus, I’m pretty good at bragging, so I’ll just go ahead and tell you that in one day, JUST ONE DAY, I pulled in a little over $14 working the slot machine grind in Las Vegas. People say that the house always wins. Who are these people? Do they know about me? If you want, you can share my story: about how someone you know went to Vegas as an ordinary person and came back a winner. How good things happen to good people. Use my name. I don’t need to be anonymous.

I understand a lot of things today that I didn’t back then yesterday morning. It’s becoming clear who my real friends are. This morning, “Sally” called about a lunch date. Assessing a situation objectively is one of my talents, so I immediately picked up on her real motives. It seems odd that I posted a picture on Instagram of my first payout (three almost-crisp dollar bills) yesterday and she’s suddenly eager to enjoy a meal together, don’t you think? I listened to some bullshit about how she “wants to catch up” since we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks. Even though “Sally” asked repeatedly about my availability, I remained noncommittal.

“I just can’t. I think we both know why.”

“Sally” is probably one of many I will have to cut out of my life. I’m not going to lie. It hurts. To distract myself, I’ve spent a lot of time looking at the windfall (a ten dollar bill, four one dollar bills, and two nickels). “This is mine,” I tell myself over and over again. It’s been fun arranging the bills on my dark hardwood floor: first in descending value, then in ascending value, and finally with the two shiny coins as a centerpiece. A little lonely, but fun.

Unlike “Sally,” my family has been really supportive. When they congratulated me, I could tell by the ease in their voice that they genuinely meant it. It’s hard not to get jealous when fantastic things happen to people around you. Harv and Cal are encouraging me to spend the entire stack on myself. It seems weird to me, but fuck it…YOLO. Carpe diem. Show me the money.

(Note: I feel like it’s not really cool to say “YOLO.” But I guess that rule doesn’t apply to me because I’m rich now.)

Have you ever won anything?
What should I buy? This money is burning a hole in my pocket.

P.P.S. But hey, I’m not going to be one of those lazy rich people. I’ll still be working the Facebook grind on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page.
image via

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  • Carolyn Hampton

    Omg, every single word of this post cracks me up! I seriously needed those laughs right now. Thank you so much.

  • carrien-she laughs at the days

    You are so lucky to have Cal and Harv in your life. Not everyone has a family that would encourage them to spend a whole $14.10 on themselves!

    I’m thinking that you owe it to yourself to blow it all on gorditas, just to spite that asshole who didn’t steal your Kenny G CD and rub in the fact that now you’re rich. The universe is giving you what you deserve.

  • Alison

    Bitch, you’re not sharing?
    I could do with a buck or two.

    (PS: I don’t really think you’re a bitch. )

  • Katherina

    Congratulations… you are the first person I know that has left a casino with MORE money. Enjoy splurging it!

  • unitedstatesofbecky

    Whenever I have extra money, it goes to clothes or books. Then again, I never have this mysterious thing I’ve heard of called “extra money.” Although once I won a free Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s monopoly, and that was a pretty sweet day for me.

  • YOLO (idontcareimrichtoo)

    I once found a $20 bill on the floor of a deserted supermarket AND a $10 bill on the floor of a crowded airport store 2 weeks later. Chaching! Best 2 weeks of my life. True story.

  • Candice Franklin

    I totally won a whole, wait for it……. $11.25 on our honeymoon Last July. Immediately I went and bought my new husband and I a frappe. Because I loved him and was feeling generous because I was so loaded… Or maybe it was just the love in the air. Who knows

  • Mindy

    21 years old. My first time gambling. I put $2 in the nickel slots … and won $55, the third highest jackpot. It was too much money for the machine to cash out; a manager had to come over and turn off the light on the machine and print out a voucher. I’ll never match those kinds of winnings again. I peaked way too early.

  • Lala

    Money. It changes people.

  • Brittany Rae

    What on earth happened to your like Gordita fund. Or was it it Chaloupas? Or however the hell you spell it.
    And yes. I win alot. I was 3 days old and won a set on encyclopedias. I have found a diamond bracelet, sapphire pendant, and silver bracelet. I am pretty lucky. Not to brag or anything. And I do not gamble I like my money waaaaaay to much.

  • leanne koh

    Congrats on the win! Have a great time spending it on a fun gift for yourself, you deserve it!

  • Misty

    I’m gonna keep it real here, because I know that’s what you would expect from me, your TRUE friend.

    This money has given you a real swelled head. I think you’ve gotta come back down to earth with the rest of us humble poor folk.

    I still love ya, though.

  • Jennifer June Clark

    I never loved you for your money. But I respect you for winning! ‘Cause that’s the American way,

  • BB’sCulinaryJourney

    Lol, you crack me up, but I am very happy for your good fortune….you showed Vegas who’s the boss. I don’t wanna brag , but I won $270 on slot machine while in Vegas during BBC last month….I didn’t share either, but I do have nice new Coach purse I am showing off :)

  • Elizabeth Barnes

    I think you should buy: a gordita, a multi-colored pen, and some candy. Carpe Diem and stuff like that. ;)

  • Moxie Dude

    Wow and congratulations! That’s a lot of money (especially from my Canadian perspective :-)

  • Karyn Gorman

    gotta protect yourself

  • newfoundjoye

    I totally won a Kodak videocamera. It was so awesome I freaked out and spent like an hour on Twitter rereading my message. I’ve never won something totally awesome—like a cake at a cake walk—but something is better than nothing.

    You can buy a cake with that money. Or even better, cupcakes (those things are pricey nowadays) or doughnuts. Or cupcakes AND doughnuts, I mean you’re good for it.

  • mommyonthespot

    This is awesome!

    One time I went to the casino with my parents and some extended family members. Can you believe it, but with all those hardcore gamblers, I won $200! My mom said the right thing to do was to buy dinner for everyone. So I did.

    I wish I would have taken the time to savor my win like you did.

  • RollerScrapper

    If it were me I’d totally invest that cash in the claw machine, I mean if it pays out you could get like 50 cents worth of stuffed animals for your $14.10…but maybe I’m the only one lured in by the siren song of the claw :)

  • Dawn
  • Madscientist

    One time, in high school, I attended a basketball game, post pubescent, pizza faced horribly awkward loser that I was and I won… An over mitt. A single mitt with a shiny aluminum side and another side that screamed “STATE FARM IS THERE!” proudly for all to see. Unfortunately I was far too embarrassed to collect my bounty and had to send a friend with more self confidence in my place. It was a good oven mitt, for the 45 seconds it lived in my possession- an adult with an actual real kitchen, no sense of self-doubt, and need to use an oven took it off my hands. I think of it fondly, hoping it’s still standing strong, doing its oven mitt duties…

  • JoyinATL

    I’ve just found your blog (through YHL) and wanted to share my own “winning” story. I admit up front, it is not nearly as impressive as that $14.10 Vegas windfall of yours but it was pretty exciting. I donated $50 to a co-worker as a sponsorship for a local bike race here in Atlanta that raises money for breast cancer research. I never gave it another thought. I woke up late on a Saturday morning a couple of weeks later and checked my FB page. There was a message from my bike-riding-co-worker that I needed to contact him ASAP. By donating $50 or more I was automatically entered into a raffle I didn’t even know about. I had actually won a 2012 Mini Cooper Countryman!! OMG!! The one thing I remember about that day (it was only a few months ago) was that everyone that I called to share my news immediately started screaming at the top of their lungs! But I come from a family of women so what can you expect. My poor dad! The only thing I’ve ever won before was a crappy cake (not even chocolate!) in a cakewalk at my second grade fall fesitval. That’s a whole loitta losing!! Maybe I’ve turned the “lucky” corner! Still, not the big financial explosion you had in Sin City but all the same, I love my car!

    Love your blog by the way. SO hilarious and it’s hard for me to find someone who embraces foul language with the same gusto that I do!

  • Sonia

    Just found your blog….its almost midnight and this post made laugh out loud, louder than my husband’s snoring!!! Love it!

  • Lauryn Doll

    Gosh! Cashing out!
    I remember I won a nickel man, you couldn’t keep security off me at the casino.

  • SuzLotus

    This made me laugh out loud. I need this. Thank you!