Monday Dare: Hard Knock Life

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: Take better care of myself

Not too long ago, I ate half a stick of butter to win a $5 bet. If I couldn’t finish the butter, I had to hand over an Abe Lincoln. If I succeeded, I didn’t win anything; I just got to keep my own money. Now that I’m mulling over the bet, something seems a little off about the payout structure, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

I won, by the way. Not a brag. Just stating a fact.

As I told my family about the incident later that night, I held out an outstretched palm mid-air, expecting a high-five. All I got was a long pause, followed by an “EW” and “Don’t you care about your health?”

Then, they started in on my unused vouchers from flash sale sites. 56% off 10 Bootcamp Sessions? Why yes, I would like to purchase this value-conscious offer to help firm my buttocks. 94% off an Entire Month of Yoga? Sure. That’s almost 100%, so basically, FREE.

I’m so satisfied after locking down a good deal that I let peripheral details like using the vouchers fall by the wayside. Once in a while, I get “Reminder: Use your vouchers!!” emails from the flash sale sites. The vaguely threatening wording and exclamation points seem a little excessive to me. I push back by not using them at all. It’s not that I don’t care about my health, I just want people to know that they can’t push me around.

I felt a little sensitive at this point, but still, my family kept going. Everyone makes mistakes, so it was callous of them to bring up that one time I let a Twix bar melt into the passenger seat of my car under the radiating warmth of a large bag of fries I planned to eat for lunch. It only happened ONE time. I keep my candy in the glove compartment now.

Harv told me that by eating poorly, not getting enough exercise or sleep, and by not regularly deep conditioning my hair (he didn’t say that one, but I’m adding it because I really care about you a lot), I was creating my own Hard Knock Life. I appreciated the initiative he took to convert his Regular People Language into my Hood Speak. Good man.

It’s never my first inclination to be good to myself. What a hassle. What a bore. Funyuns > Real Onions any day in my book. But my family is riddled with heart disease and diabetes and very bad split ends. I don’t want to be one of those old ladies that’s crotchety all the time because I’m in a shitload of pain due to poor health. I want to be crotchety because it’s a privilege I’ve earned for staying alive that long.

What are some changes you’ve made to take better care of your health?

P.S. I’m addicted to Instagram. Username: flourishinprogress.
P.P.S. Need some daily Thug Life Thoughts? “Like” the Flourish in Progress Facebook page. I got you covered.
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