Monday Dare: Cake time, fuckers

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Act like a lady

You know that look you get when you ask the stranger waiting for her Cheddar Broccoli soup at Corner Bakery to hold your baby for thirty-seven seconds because you really need to pee, but you’re by yourself and you forget to bring the stroller, and it’s really hard to do your business with a baby in your arms? You knew it was a bad idea to leave the house in the first place, but goddammit, the house was starting to smell like rancid baby formula and you just needed to be around people who didn’t shit in their pants? And you know better than to leave the baby with a total stranger, but the thought of getting some alone time in a toilet stall really worked you over?

Well, that’s the look I get when I see a wedding invitation: a mixture of fear and “What the fuck is this bitch talking about?”

Weddings make me nervous. I don’t like them because there are all sorts of rules to follow. I can’t wear white because that’s reserved for the bride. I’m not allowed to swear. I can’t answer phone calls during the ceremony. I’m not allowed to open any of the presents because “they’re not for you, Elizabeth.”

I followed every rule during my brother’s wedding last Saturday, and I STILL got in trouble. Marshall and his bride had a beautiful ceremony followed by a buffet reception at a local church. Since my only ladylike dress is white, I donned the next best thing: a colorful number I wore during my BlogHer Voices of the Year speech a few weeks ago (The video is posted below). Yes, it may have been a little low-cut for a church wedding, but where in the rules does it say anything about low-cut? EXACTLY.

It was clear that my mother was not happy with my attire when I walked into the church, and she forcefully gripped by arm to take me aside. “I’m seeing an awful lots of boobs. This is a House of God.”

“Well, Ma, God made boobies,” I said. It’s hard to argue against that shit, no? I could tell she agreed because she refused to make eye contact with me for the rest of the day.

For five hours, I acted like a lady. I don’t want to brag or anything, but I was really good at it.

My brother and his wife had a photo booth during the reception. Each strip printed twice, one to keep and one to put into an album for the happy couple. After seeing my strip, my brother looked unhappy. “Did you just throw up a gang sign at my wedding?” (Gang sign picture posted on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page)

“Sheesh, Marshall, you didn’t say anything about signs. Just swearing.” It’s so fucking hard to win with this family. I just give and give and they take and take and take and take and take. Why are people so ungrateful?

One of my best friends is getting married this Saturday. On my 32nd birthday. I am a bridesmaid. This is probably where I should mention that I’ve never been a bridesmaid before. But, with the recent wedding practice I’ve had, I’m sure it’ll be smooth-sailing.

Funny wedding stories? Horror stories?
I haven’t gotten a gift for my homegirl yet. What’s the best wedding gift you’ve given or received?

(You can also access the video directly here. It doesn’t play on mobile devices. I’m too stupid to figure it out. Please love me anyway.)

P.S. Let’s get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page. I’ll be posting real-time updates during the five-day wedding extravaganza weekend. Mostly though, I just need to be connected to y’all in case I find myself in a rough spot and need bail money.

image via blueq.com

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  • http://www.facebook.com/sooperjeenyus Brent Sieckman

    Love the photo booth pic. Tell Marshall to focus on his new bride, and not the G-Unit in the pics. WESTSIDE!! LMAO.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Holllllllla.

      I guess he was so distracted by the Westside pic he forgot to check out my other ones. I’m expecting a phone call soon.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1230040282 Debbie Byrd

    Wedding gangsta boobies? I call bullshit. You looked lovely in that dress

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Wish you had been at the wedding so I would have had at least one person in my corner!

  • chemegirljaime

    love the video … you’re hilarious!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thank you!! xoxo I didn’t cry for my mommy or barf or anything!

  • L-Train

    You should only get HER a gift, because fuck him he’s turning your ho into a housewife. Get her some draws with “Bottom Bitch” airbrushed on it. No, not on “IT”. On the butt. No charge on the advice this time.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      My new SIL is very conservative. Super nice though. We were asked not to bring racy lingerie to the bridal shower. I don’t know how Bottom Bitch would have gone over. Prolly woulda been banned from that house forever.

  • Brittany Rae

    OOOH. I am all about the registries. That way you don’t end up with 4 of the same toaster. My cousin did, seriously! Who the hell needs 4 toasters. I like your dress. I attended a friends recently and it was more “classier” then my back tattoo. So I decided tata’s or tattoos? I went tata’s and was shocked to see how many people had both their tata’s and tattoo’s showing in the same dress. Shocked–and that takes a lot for me. Good luck. Maybe she will have a special cake for you because what good friend plans their wedding on your b-day…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      My girlfriend didn’t register anywhere, and I just don’t want to fuck up on this gift. She means so much to me and she’s always had my back. You would think I would have a better idea of what to get her!

      I have to be careful not to wear tops that are lower back or midriff baring around my mom and her friends because they always do the cluck cluck cluck of disapproval at my tattoos. Glad to know you were in a much cooler crowd.

      • Brittany Rae

        Totally get her the what was it hos& pimps thing you got to hang in your entry way :-) Though gift giving is hard. I have found that sometimes home-made is good. I took candid pics@ my cousins wedding & did up a scrapbook. He and her both thanked me with cards and they said it was the best gift…

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          I love love both ideas. The pimp and ho banner would totally apply to her, but in only the best sense of each word. She is probably one of the baddest bitches I know.

          And the scrapbook idea is DOPE. Something like that, made with care and thought and love is priceless and truly precious. You’re a good cousin!

  • Jessica

    Why being a working mom just isn’t for me.
    Hey, I don’t blame you. One can only be a fake “lady” for so long. It’s not your fault that you can’t hide your inner gansta!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Lol. Too hard to push that bitch down for too long. She always wants to join the party.

  • http://angie-uncovered.com Angie Uncovered

    I loved the gang sign!! Congrats on maintaining your ladylike behavior for as long as you did. Sometimes your inner gangsta just cries and screams and claws it’s way out, right?

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      My inner gangster can be an attention whore sometimes. I’ve had talks with her about it. She’s just being stubborn.

  • Jennifer Clark

    I muttered “fuck” under my breathe at church yesterday. But since I was commenting on Todd Akin and his horrifyingly ignorant misogyny , I think the Lord will understand.

    Rules are situational, sister. And you were in a photo booth, not standing up in the middle of the congregation, fer fuck’s sake! Man, those folks need to loosen up their corsets and have a drink…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Maybe the Lord put you up to it. I’m pretty sure he’s kinda outraged too. Hate to see what His reaction is going to be.

      Speaking of drinks…it was a dry wedding as you know. I think a few tequila shots might have helped everyone. I know it woulda helped me!

  • Lynellekw

    For a friend’s wedding, a group of us clubbed together and bought them a lava lamp and a set of blowup furniture. That’s the problem with getting married young: your friends think inflatable furniture is a HILARIOUS wedding gift and you need to actually equip an entire house because you’ve always lived with your parents.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      This is much better than the idea a few college friends and I had. We decided that whoever got married first, the rest of the group would chip in and buy that person a refrigerator because those bitches are so expensive. I’m sure the “winner” would have preferred a lava lamp.

  • Misty

    Oh please. He acts like he’s never met you before!! Pfft. He’s just lucky you didn’t make a scene.
    A wedding? ON your birthday? That you have to be a bridesmaid in? That sounds pretty rad. I mean, the entire day, you get to wait on the bride and make sure she is happy and that every single detail of the day goes perfectly, because that day is all about her? Yeah, I can see how you are going to enjoy the HELL out of that!
    And I don’t know what your momma was complaining about. Don’t you think God enjoys viewing his handy work from way up high? I mean, he has the best view in the house, no? Let those puppies breathe! It’s what the big guy upstairs would want.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      He sure acts like he doesn’t KNOW me sometimes. I understand. I couldn’t imagine having me as a sister either. ;)

      I don’t know what typical bridesmaid duties are seeing as how I’ve never been one before, but if it means supplying the whole bridal party with alcohol and strippers, I totally got that shit covered. What better way to calm pre-wedding jitters than a lap dance.

      I figure I only have a few more years to show off the boobs. Time’s a’wastin.

  • http://twitter.com/BeaD_ B

    I think you will be fine for the wedding, look in every wedding there are supposed to be mishaps. Those are perfect, imperfections if you want to call them that. My friend recently got engaged and he is getting married next year, how this happened I don’t know. I just hope he gets his head on straight. We as nice friends are throwing them an engagement party, to which I have asked if they have any requests. None, why because there is no organization to their thought process. My sister is a bridesmaid and she already feels like she’s going to fail at it, trust me we all feel this way. I told her if you trip and fall while walking down the aisle at church, get up pretend you are a super model. Strike a pose for a couple of seconds and then march your ass up the aisle and take your place. It makes for a funny moment, and plus people always tell the bride and groom, if it happens, just smile and when you get the wedding video laugh about it the whole time. As for presents, other friends I just get them stuff from the registry. Kitchen stuff is the usual choice. Althought my friends bride to be is registering at Williams Sonoma, now… I know most of the people invited, I’m waiting to see who will actually shop there. Cause you gotta scrounge up some change for that place. I mean shit, that is aiming really high, don’t you think… I think you’ll be fine, enjoy your time with your friend and laugh the whole time.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Ooo….WS….that place is so awesome but totally spendy. I don’t know how I feel about spending a katrillion dollars for a dish towel. Or a box of brittle. Or a set of lotion/soap in its own caddy.

      I always remember the funny moments at weddings. Makes the whole thing bearable!

  • Are You Kidding Me?

    Did your brother invite rival gang members to the wedding? Sheesh – what is he worried about?
    The only appropriate wedding gift, in my opinion, is cash. All that tangible stuff (appliances, place settings, towels, etc.) is for the shower. The funniest wedding story I have is from my sister’s wedding – I didn’t see it because I was turned the wrong way, but a glimpse can be seen on the wedding video. Apparently, some homeless guy came into the wedding mass (full Catholic mass), and when it was time for Communion, he pushed past my mom to be the first in line to receive Communion from the priest. All you get in the video are some shadowy dreadlocks, but I think it is nicely rounded out by the drunken couple falling over while dancing in the second half of the video. I guess it was a good wedding.
    Happy Birthday!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      The thought of my bro knowing any gang members at all, rival or home team, makes me smile. He and his bride, who are absolutely lovely people I feel compelled to add, are conservative and religious. I guess I’m just happy that they put up with my mouth and my amoral ways. I don’t think I’d want to have me as a sister either.

      Money talks. And it says sweet things. Good idea.

      Oh dear lord, how did your sister react? I think it woulda been hard for me to stay calm during the homeless dude scene. I may or may not have been a bridezilla for the second (fake) wedding my family made me have because they were not satisfied with my official Vegas nuptials.

  • shannon

    i actually love you MORE now because now i can quit motherfucking my iphone for not playing videos embedded in blogs because for once it’s not my damn phone’s fault. so thank you, i feel better about my phone being a dick….

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I first blamed myself for the vid not working on my phone, but I realized it just doesn’t have that capability. Or maybe that’s just what I told myself so I could stop banging my head against the wall.

  • teala

    HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY! Also? I’m pretty sure there’s not winning with most families. :) You’ll be great in the wedding!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Thank you!! Can’t believe 32 is here already. Mentally, I am still at 14.

  • Victor

    Sorry to say, but your family is just too demanding. For what can read you did pretty good at the wedding… only thing missing for them was an android version of you.
    Tip for your girlfriend’s wedding: have fun… just let the other have theirs… if they want to skip your exhilarating stories it’s their loss…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Sheesh, that’s what I’m saying! Demanding. Can’t help loving them though. Maybe I should seek professional help for that. ;)

  • http://twitter.com/ThoughtsyAppear Thoughtsy Appear

    I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding on my birthday. It was nice because I got my own cake. Mmmmm….

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Wait. You got your own cake.

      Hold up, I think I need to call my friend real quick.

  • Henri_Bemis

    That dress is pretty.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Why thank you! =)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sabinaolszanowska Sabina Olszanowska

    Sheesh your family are a bunch of tight asses!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Amen, sista. ;)

  • mommyonthespot

    I love that dress you wore at BlogHer! Never mind what your family says anyway. Clearly, they don’t know an awesome dress when they see one.

    Best wedding gift? The gift of hindsight that we should’ve just eloped. Since that’s kinda hard to wrap, I have to say that I love my Kitchenaid Mixer. I know it may sound blah, but I love that feeling of cracking the eggs into my cookie mix and walking. away.

    It’s the simple things, right?

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh girl, after eloping and then being forced to have one of those big frlly traditional weddings, I can honestly say that eloping was the way to go!

      And thanks for the lovely words about the dress. I’m pretty sure I “liked” your fashion show pics on FB, but if I didn’t I totally loved them and I’m flattered to get such a compliment from a fashionable friend. xo

  • RollerScrapper

    My favorite gift to receive was a handmade quilt from my mom, but the thing I think I use the most is the blender or the toaster.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Toaster. That bitch is the only appliance I use in the kitchen without hurting/burning myself or others. Hmm……

  • http://writingwishing.com/ Alison

    Eh, I did not see boobage in that video! (and it was a nice dress)

    I hate weddings, I don’t go to them so I don’t get gifts.

    Most Chinese weddings here demand cash though. Thugs.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Fo sheezy. I went to a Viet wedding where they literally passed around a tray for you to put cash on. Thought it was both funny and slightly weird all at the same time.

  • Jaclyn Flores

    Weddings are seriously the worst. I put my own in that category. It’s not like a baby shower, where, as the guest of honor you know (and don’t fucking care) that you are the only one actually having fun. My wedding was shitty and stressful and there was a major culture clash between our families and a toilet overflowed into the reception. Also, I agree about giving cash. Honeymoons are fucking expensive, give them some spending money!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OMG. That sounds AWFUL! Hopefully, the overflow wasn’t accompanied by any, um, unfortunate smells.;/

      Girl, even though my husband and I are BOTH Asian, there was still a culture clash between the Chinese and Korean elderly guests who couldn’t communicate with each other. What other culture did you marry?

  • http://yougotsars.com you gotsars!

    Seriously, I am wondering if your parents have met you and I saw more boob in one of your posts a while back… (glorious I might add).

    I can honestly say I hate weddings. If I’m gonna get all dressed up and shit I want to be celebrating something awesome, like…. oh I don’t know but I’ll think of something cool and get back to you.

    ……. I’m still thinking, I wear cool shoes for no reason so that is a celebration all by itself.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Right?! It’s like I just met these people last Saturday or something. Maybe their ability for denial is super fucking fierce? Maybe the shame of us being related has but up some kind of trauma wall around their brain?

      I have to really, really, really, really love that person to go to the wedding. I don’t know why I have such an aversion. Maybe I just hate taffeta.

  • Chelle Newton

    That dress is gorgeous and your boobs hardly show at all, but like you said, show them while you still can. I’m 48 and wouldn’t want anything hanging out. For real.

    At my wedding, I had had no sleep the night before. My mother insisted I stay at her house, even though my husband and I were living together. I was in a basement with my cousins and one of them snored loudly the entire night.

    At the reception, the DJ played the Hokey Pokey (which really should be outlawed at weddings) and I was pushed into the center with hubby to dance. I was horrified (already being the center of attention was giving me a panic attack) and ran out of the reception room into the bathroom.

    I feel lucky that we had eloped a month before because if we weren’t already married at the time of the wedding, I might have been unconscious for most of it. Although, like you said, tequila shots would have helped. I wish I’d thought to make a pass at the bar when we got to the reception.

    Give cash. It’s the all purpose gift.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh good lord. I have monstrous bags under my eyes even when I get a full eight hours of sleep. I can’t imagine what I would have looked like had I not gotten ANY sleep due to some schmo’s snoring.

      And…mortifying! Hokey Pokey is only okay for 6 yr olds. 7 TOPS.

      Wish I had been there to hand you a flask.

  • Maggs

    Love the dress!! You look gorgeous in it!!! Being ladylike is so hard. You handled it pretty well. :-) $$$$ will be the best gift. You don’t want to be lugging a gift to the wedding.
    At my wedding I was too busy dancing and having fun we forgot to cut the cake. LOL We just took a pic of us cutting it then forgot to actually cut and serve. LOL
    P.s. i was able to see the video on my phone.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh wow, you were? On my iPhone, the video window doesn’t even display. It’s just a line of texts that says media player or something. Any hints or tips for me to make it load?

      Cash in KING! Balllllla.

      I love, love, love that you forgot about the cake because you were too busy gittin’ down and having a good time. So many brides I know have no fun on their wedding day.

  • Mad Shady

    I don’t go to many weddings to be honest. Because I’m shady. And I’d rather not. But I do remember my cousin’s over-the-top L.A. wedding. It was so theatrical (and unintentionally hilarious).

    It opened with a gymnast/dancer in a leotard, who did a tumbling pass down the aisle, occasionally stopping to do a “ribbon” dance. No. Lie. The groomsmen came out individually to the James Bond theme song. And they were followed by the bridesmaids, who were dressed in saris. And barefoot. B-A-R-E-F-O-O-T. The entire ceremony was one giant W-T-F. I just remember my sister and I trying really hard not to laugh. Then I muttered, “what the fuck is with the saris?! Bitch knows she’s Dominican, right?” And our entire side of the church, the Dominican side of the family, lost it. My cousin was not happy.

    For the record, her husband wasn’t Indian either. The saris were her idea of a bold fashion statement. Only in l.a.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      STOP IT. You had me at “ribbon dance.” And then you had me again at saris. And then again at barefoot. I’m cracking the fuck up right now and I WASN’T EVEN AT THE WEDDING. I don’t know how you did it. How in the world did you just not fall to the floor and laugh your ass off.

      Only in LA. smh

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000219480166 Elizabeth Barnes

    Ok, when I got to the part about your being a bridesmaid, I may have said, “Oh Lord.” But surely this person knows what kind of badass bridesmaid they’ll be getting in you and knows that rules are more like guidelines anyway. ;)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Did you say “Oh Lord” because you thought it was such a stellar idea and you were excited for my friend? That’s it, right? Or did I get that wrong. I don’t think so, though.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000219480166 Elizabeth Barnes

        Yeah…sure..that’s entirely the only reason… ;)
        But in seriousness I hope you rock that wedding and have tons of fun! I’m sure fun/amazing/interesting stories are bound to follow.

  • http://thoughtsfromparis.com/ Delfin Joaquin Paris III

    I got married next to Tony Iommi’s son in Santa Barbara. We were at the Biltmore and in the room next to us was a number of rock gods including Ozzy and the rest of Black Sabbath. Part of me wanted to go there instead. I did get to meet him at the hotel bar later and he said, “Why are you not in the suite with your new wife?” I had no answer, but I did make devil horns and stuck my tongue out.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      When in doubt, devil horns suffice in any situation.

      • http://thoughtsfromparis.com/ Delfin Joaquin Paris III

        Except when meeting the devil. I made that mistake once! Ill advised.

  • Sarah

    So I’m a little late to the party but here it goes.

    Do you remember my whole horror story about my own wedding? Yes? Well you’re going to hear it again.

    So my mother (who you know I don’t speak to anymore) once she found out that I was getting married was over pushy about going wedding dress shopping. So I made time in my schedule to make the three hour trip to my parents house for a weekend that my mom and I had picked to go wedding dress shopping. So the entire weekend my mom kept putting it off and putting it off with different excuses until late on Sunday (a few hours before I had to leave) I finally got her in the car and we went. (I also pretty much pointed out that I specifically came to go wedding dress shopping as we had agreed and we had yet to do so and I had to leave soon.)

    When we got to the store she found my dress (I hadn’t even said a word about liking it or not) and the cost of it was about 1/3 of my wedding budget, so I knew I wasn’t going to get it. and the way that she was talking about the dress was as if I had said that I had died and gone to heaven when we found it. (I still hadn’t said a word about the dress and couldn’t get a word in edge wise about it at all.)

    My dream wedding dress (which I still didn’t get) was a raw red silk wedding dress which when I had broached the subject with my mother had ended up in her screaming at me at the top of her lungs about how red was a whore’s color and stands for adultery, etc. So I had decided to go with a happy medium of getting a taupe wedding dress with red embroidery all over the bottom 4-5″ of the dress.

    She still leaned over to one of my sisters at the wedding and told them that I was dressed in whore colors (or something very similar to that, I consider it that she just called me a whore) as I was told later.

    I have to admit that I only went wedding dress shopping to go with my mother to make her happy. However, when I didn’t buy the dress that she chose, you would have thought that I had killed one of my sisters.

    But, you know.

    I think that what you wore was lovely and completely appropriate. I’ve seen your boobs way more out in other things you’ve worn. :) And as you point out God gave them to you so… shouldn’t use use what God’s gifted you?

    As far as presents? A gift card to a store that sells home goods.

    Love ya.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’m on my way to ATL right now for the wedding and sighed out loud when I read this. Really loud.

      The thing I want to say most is: Sometimes, I think the people who are suppose to love and protect us the most act like assholes simply because they think the ties that bind us together are too intricate and tough to be broken. They are thoughtless and hurtful and maybe make us wonder what the fuck is wrong with US, when there really isn’t anything wrong about us to begin with.

      I joke all the time that we are sisters from different moms. Maybe I can couch it as another joke by saying I wish we could trade the moms too. xo

      • Sarah

        :) I love that we are so supportive of each other and we’ve never even met. (please underline those last three words) I appreciate your unwavering steadfastness, you really don’t know how much. I just wish we could actually hang out (I need to start blogging again) because I know we would have so much fun my face would hurt. :)

        But I will say about my mom that the story above is one of the reasons that I don’t speak to her anymore and I’m okay with it. Truly. While it doesn’t make anything better I’ve made my peace about it and I’ve moved on, but yes sometimes when I think about and let it I still feel the hurt.

        I have to say that I have a great mom in my life, my step mom. I know I don’t really talk about her on here much but she’s a huge reason that I’m not even close to as fucked up as I could have been. She knows this because I tell her all the time. She kicks so much fucking ass (I’ll apologize to her for swearing so much about her) it’s crazy. She’s known me since I was two and has always treated me as her own. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her in my life. She is loving, supportive, willing to dole out advice, listen and just be there. This girl knows how to show up and she didn’t even give birth to me. She is a huge part of my foundation and why I am so normal.

        I really am very lucky. And while, yes I’ve had plenty of shit given to me in my life I’ve also had shining examples like her (though she would never tell you that) that buoyed me and my hope of good in people and the world.

        I appreciate the offer of your mom babe, and for you I would offer my Dad. While he wasn’t the best parent when I was little he’s worked on his mistakes and gotten better. He’s an amazing Dad now and does all of the things that my step mom does.

        I love you and I hope that you have a lot of fun at your wedding. :) xo

  • Jennifer June Chapman

    Weird, I thought gang signs were mandatory at weddings, you know, like candy-bars and sex in the coat-check… and stuff.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I want to go to the weddings you go to.

  • http://www.womenofcertainage.blogspot.com CaliforniaGirl500

    Sounds like you are not cut out for the bridesmaid or guest gig as long as your family is about.

    I attended a gorgeous, expensive wedding a number of years ago, while still living in San Diego. A good friend married a record producer and we all knew it would be an elegant fun expensive reception.

    I went to Nordie’s to find a dress and settled on the perfect LBD even though I could hear my mother’s voice saying

    “Never wear black to a wedding. It’s bad luck.”

    I blew a boatload of money on that size 6 (those were the days) dress, the nude Donna Karan nylons and the black heels.

    My husband and I were late to the church, a bad omen for starters, and we silently crept up the side aisle looking for room in a pew. It was a big wedding. I spotted a woman in black and hissed to my spouse,

    “There! We’re sitting there!”

    We slid in next to her and her husband and she looked at me and smiled. It was Pat Benatar. (AWESOME!) in a long sleeved long black dress, her hair very dark with a silver streak in it. She looked totally rock star. I said in a conspiratorial voice,

    “So glad to see someone else wearing black.”

    The wedding and reception went off beautifully. We all had a fantastic time. Ms. Benatar was a guest but she agreed to perform, impromptu, towards the end of the night. The hired band backed her and her husband played lead guitar.

    That’s one of the most interesting and fun weddings I’ve attended and I chalk it up to wearing my LBD and having a close encounter with a singer I always admired.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I now know what I will be wearing to every wedding/party/PTA meeting/car wash forever and ever. A LBD. Because I love Pat Benatar and would do almost anything for the chance to meet her. You lucky gal!

  • Miranda Kaye

    Ahhhh, this video made me miss you. I am at work and just watched it, I was laughing out loud. I haven’t been to a wedding in quite a while, but I am going to my best friend’s wedding (Not like the movie) in December down in Houston. I think my gift to them is flying down there. I’m gracing them with my awesome presence, what more could you want? You can’t out do that with a freaking toaster!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      LOL. So true. The company of good friends is priceless.

  • http://www.facebook.com/laura.honeker Laura Honeker

    Hi guys! I’ve been lurking for a while (yup I’m the creep watching you watch your television from outside your window. You have lovely bone structure. Don’t run away)

    Back in June an old school friend of mine got married. She has had a pretty shitty life but is one of the happiest and sweetest people I have ever known. I offered to make the rings as a wedding gift but as they were using old family rings my friend asked if I could make some hair pieces instead as she wanted something with butterflies but couldn’t find anything that didn’t look tacky.

    She loved the art nouveau style combs I made and I cried like a baby to see her looking so beautiful as she came down the aisle wearing the pieces I had put so much work and love into (I made them completely from scratch; melting down and rolling out the silver. I wasn’t going to cheat on that little fucker!)

    It was a very small, cheap, unpretentious and beautiful wedding and after the ceremony we all went onto the beach.

    That’s my only wedding story :)

    Now you can run away…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You friend is so so so lucky to have you in her life. A gift made by hand, requiring an intense amount of effort, scrutiny, and possibly some blood, sweat, and tears are the best kind. I mean, not the part where you had to bleed and cry over it, but the fact that you cared enough for this person to give of yourself like that.

      I hope her marriage is nothing short of spectacular. A shitty past doesn’t have to determine our future.

      Also, I love stalkers. Well, not all stalkers. Just you.

      • http://www.facebook.com/laura.honeker Laura Honeker

        There was a bit of blood, but mainly love and swearing and sweat!

        Too right. I think they’ve got many years of love together. And lots of cats!

        *blushes* I bet you say that to all the girls. Thank you for being fantastic