Monday Dare: Why is your uterus still empty?

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Deal with Baby Bullshit

I’m 31. This still shocks the shit out of me sometimes. I mean, how did I make it this far with all of my limbs intact and a small portion of my brain cells still functional? Should I be receiving some kind of plaque? Perhaps a plaque is overdoing it, but a little lapel pin that says “I WIN AT LIFE” and a coupon for a large Frosty made with Grade A milk and rich cream from Wendy’s might suffice. That’s pretty reasonable if you ask me.

Since I’m 31 with a kid in junior high school, people find it reasonable to ask me all kinds of uterus-related questions. Are you going to have another baby? When? How many more? Do you want a boy this time? 

My answer is always the same: “I don’t know.”

I’m not psychic or anything (although I do have an uncanny sixth sense that predicts with chilling accuracy when my laundry machine will ding), but I can tell from some of the long stares I get after my unsatisfactory answer that some people are thinking, “Gosh, Elizabeth, you haven’t had a baby since, like, 8th grade. It’s time.”

I just wish they would say this out loud because then I could reply, “Eighth grade? I didn’t get pregnant until I was 18 years old, dummy,” with a self-important sniffle as I walk away. I like getting the last word. It makes me feel good about myself.

You would think that an “I don’t know”would shut most people down, but that’s the thing about leaving the comforts of your home and elastic drawstring pants behind and venturing into The World- people tend to surprise you at every single turn with their nosiness. Are you at least TRYING to have more kids?” Do you NOT LIKE kids?

No, bitch, I don’t like tactless adults. I like kids just fine.

People always want to know your next step.

When you’re single, people want to know when you’re going to stop watching re-runs of Hardcore Pawn on Friday nights so you can meet The Right Person.

When you’re dating, they aren’t shy about reminding you that if he likes it, he shouldn’t be afraid to put a ring on it.

When you’re married and you don’t have a baby within the first year, these same busybodies want to know if you’re planning to start a family soon or (this is always said in a whisper) if you’re “having  issues.”

When you have one baby, they want to know when you’re going to give the kid a little brother or sister. (“Only children get lonely, you know.”)

And when you have two babies, they want to know if you’re done or you’re going to keep going. And if you are, can you really afford it?

I think the best response to any of these questions is a simple “Shut the fuck up,” but I’m trying to do this whole Be a Lady bit these days, so I revised it to “PLEASE shut the fuck up.” Harv says that I can’t just go around telling people to shush because that’s not what classy bitches do. Maybe being a lady is overrated. It’s just not in my thug nature.

I really, really, really, really, really DO NOT KNOW my Five-Year Uterus Plan. But, I DO know that I’m sick of the Baby Bullshit.

Ever encountered these questions? How do you respond?

P.S. Let’s get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page. Unless you don’t like salty language. Or funny pictures. Or Thug Life.

image via pinterest

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  • Brittany Rae Olson

    You could always drop a “I am unable to have children” bomb.  They may look at you sideways.  :-)
    I can’t have kids and people are always like “I am sorry” thinking all along that I WANT kids.  I do want children but I never wanted my own.  I have always wanted to adopt.  Don’t know about a potential husbands ideal situation but… You know. 

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      My parent friends have become parents in many different ways- some by giving birth, some by adopting babies, some by fostering older kids and then adopting, some who become legal guardians and then legally recognized parents. Some have husbands. Some have baby daddies/mamas. Some are single. In the end, parents are parents are parents. You’re going to make a fab mama if and when you choose to adopt. Because all fab mamas are feisty as fuck. And funny. 

  • Dariverapagan

    All the time! I am not planning on having another one cause I’m broke and it’s hard, dammit! And like you say, if you have another one, they wanna know what’s up, they are not paying me to raise them, right? So they need to please, shu the fuck up ;)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Them kids are super expensive! Growing constantly and shit…needing new clothes and shoes. Oh, and school supplies! Trying to get all educated and stuff. I told Cal the other day to just watch a lot of TV. It’s the same thing, right?

  • Hbsmith

    For the record, this only child was never lonely and can honestly say I’m just fine without a bro or sis thank you very much. I have plenty of support system. I’m not spoiled either…indulged but not spoiled. I hate that term with a burning passion.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OH! That’s another thing I hear all the time if I don’t hear “Only children get lonely.” It’s “You don’t want to spoil your kid, do you?” Very irritating, fo sho.

  • chemegirljaime

    people ask me CONSTANTLY when I’m getting married and having babies.. cuz I’m 31 and in a committed long term relationship…. it’s like I’ve shocked people by getting past 30 and not having children.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Girl, among my old crew of friends, people would get all shocked and shit if we made it past 21 without having no babies. 
      I think some of the people who ask you may need a face pushing.

  • CrysHouse

    My husband and I have been married for 9 years; we are also childless.  Do you even know how many times we’ve had to answer this question?

    The most creative response came from my husband:
    Guy:  When are you guys going to start a family?  You’re not getting any younger!

    Husband, trying to be gracious:  Oh, you know.  We’re trying to save up some money and pay off some bills.

    Guy:  You might as well get on it and start a family because you’ll never have enough money for kids!

    Husband, clearly aggravated and done with this conversation:  That’s what poor people say.

    That guy has never asked us again.  Personally, I thought it was a good approach.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      LMAO. Also, CTFU (I recently learned this new acronym and I’m trying it out.)

      Gosh, those poor people. Always up in your business. 
      I like your husband. He’s clever. And funny. 

  • Random- the high end hobo

    So my Ex-MIL used to introduce me as “the one who won’t have children”.  I was 25.  And working full time.  And in a SUPER strenuous grad program.  So yeah….

    I don’t mind AT ALL when friends chat with me and ask this.  I mean, we’re friends.  If we can talk about other stuff, we should totally be able to talk about kids.  It’s the nosy randoms that I dislike so much, along with the pushies.  And to that end, I’ve devised the following set of answers:

    1- When the condom breaks.

    2- Why? Are you offering to surrogate?

    3- We don’t know where babies come from, do you want to tell us?

    4- We’re all in for recreation, but not procreation.

    5- I didn’t know you were so interested in the contents of my organs.  I had spaghetti for lunch.

    And the oned I save for NOSY MIL’s…..

    6- When I know who the daddy is. :)

    7- Oh, I didn’t know that YOU wanting a grandchild for 6 weekends a year was a good enough reason for ME to have a kid the other 46 weekends (and all the weeks).  We’ll get right on that.

    Harv would be disappointed in my lady-like-qualities too. 

    PS- If I ever ask this, I’m mostly just making sure the answer isn’t within the next 10 months so I know how  many shots to buy :)

    • Ddore14

      I love it!!!! Do u mind if I use a few of these the next time someone asks me the dreaded question?

      • Random- the high end hobo

        You are SO INCREDIBLY welcome to use them…. I just think making people as uncomfortable and they make me is good.  Makes them realize what they’re asking :)

        • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          Good lawyers have a gift for making people squirmy and uncomfortable when peeps are acting out of line. I mean, at least that’s what I’ve seen in TV shows. 

    • Jreynaga81

      Lol! These are all good come backs! Job well done!

      • Random- the high end hobo

        Thank you! :)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Random- Wait just a minute now. That’s all you were doing? Working full time AND going to school? Totally boggles my brain why you wouldn’t want to have a baby. 

      Good thing she’s your EX mil. You clearly have more patience than I do. 

      Ok, I love this list so much, I kind of want people to ask me now. BRING IT, NOSY PEOPLE. YOU GOT QUESTIONS? I GOT ANSWERS.

  • Melissa | Being a Bear

    I actually blogged about this recently – about how the moment I was married, people seemed to think that my lady bits were an appropriate topic of conversation.  Incorrect, World.  In general, I try to make sure that all my irresponsible, irrational and unstable flaws are clearly visible to others.  That way, they’re actually hoping I don’t procreate, for the sake of the child.  Although that might not work for you – you don’t want to be receiving visits from Child Welfare Services….

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      “Lady bits.” God, take two so-so words and put them together to make awesomeness. I love it. 

      it’s very hard for me to hide my flaws and instability. Especially since I started this blog. I hope nobody from no govt agency reads this shit. 

  • newfoundjoye

    My German grandmother is the main one. Her issue is that she can only come back to the US for my (or my sisters’) wedding(s). Her first question is always, “Do you have a man?” My main answer, which is of course phrased as a question, is “Where are the men?”

    Second is my friend from high school. She seriously has started irking me about marriage and children. When are you going to meet someone? Don’t you want to get married? My answer is a mixture of, even if I met someone, I’m not getting married right after—and even when I get married, I have no idea when I’d be having kids. Partly, I think that she is a little unhappy that I still have the freedom of non-parenthood, so I can be spontaneous and appropriately irresponsible (like what I do doesn’t affect the well-being of a child, just my money and reputation most likely). 

    There was a time when women thinking waaaaaay into the future was considered psycho. Remember those days? The girl who is like, “I’m going to get married when I’m 25 after I meet my husband at college, and we’re going to have two children—a boy and a girl.” Now, people expect us to be those girls. A true shame, I must say. You let things pan out, Liz. Or even better, flip that question right back at them. Something along the lines of, “I’m not sure, but what about you? When are you tying the knot/popping out some more spawn?” Seriously, two can play this game.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      So many golden nuggets in your comment, I’m just lost right now as to where to even begin. I don’t want this to turn into me just quoting your gems back to you….but it’s about to happen. Prepare yourself.

      -Where are the men?
      -Like what I do doesn’t affect the well-being of a child, just my money and reputation.
      Flip that question right back at them. Seriously, two can play this game. 

      I would write more, but hard laughter makes my hands shake and I can’t type well. I hope you understand.

  • LessThanKate

    Luckily, I look like I’m 12 – and most people assume I am 12 – so I very rarely get asked these questions because they all assume I’m not even old enough to have a boyfriend. But, as I am getting married in 12 weeks and 5 days (I’m freaking out) – I assume these questions will come soon. I’ve had many a dance student though before I was engaged asked if he was my husband and when I said no, they asked why – and I’d always just say “I don’t know” and then they just shrugged. But – hey – kids are simpler. I also had one woman ask me if I was married yet (meaning had I had my wedding yet – she knew I was engaged). And when I said no, she said “Oh, I’m so sorry…” Which was super awkward. I was like “Uh… Okay. Well I AM getting married, the wedding just isn’t until October”. And then she felt awkward – but it still just made me think about why in the world she would think that if I said I wasn’t married yet her first assumption was that the engagement had been called off? Oh well. Best of luck on dealing nicely with snoopy people. I would probably start doing things like saying I couldn’t have children, or start telling them some extremely detailed lie about how you have been trying and trying and you wish everyone would just stop asking about it and then start crying. Then they’d feel awful. Ha! 

    Much love.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I swear to God I’m not putting pressure on your to have kids or nothin’, but when you do, since you look so young, when people ask if the baby is your baby or your little brother or sister, will you PLEASE OH PLEASE tell them that s/he is yours but that you’re only 12 and you don’t really know how babies are made and you don’t know where the baby came from. OMG, PLEASE. I BEG YOU.

      • LessThanKate

        Pffffff. Of course I will! Love messing with people. : )

        • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          Get it on video and I’ll… my next baby after you. 

  • Karen

    I think a good answer to “When are you going to have a(bother) baby?” is “When you learn to mind your own business.” 

    Or you could always go with “According to the Book of Revelation, several more signs need to appear before my son can come to rule this world.”

    You know, something like that.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’m speechless. 

      And I think I love you. 

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      P.S. I made Harv read this too. 

      He was also speechless. And he also thinks he may love you. 

  • Jen Thornton O’Brien

    I feel the same way!
    I wrote a post last year about this junk! It’s like geez can’t I enjoy being married for a little bit?

  • Anna ~

    People are the worst. I always try and say the opposite of what I think they want to hear when they are up in my bizness. For the last few years I got the kid questions, and now that I have a few of those I get “are you ever going back to work?” which is like so helpful. And tactful.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I mean, yeah Anna, are you gonna go back to work ever cuz clearly, you’re just sitting around the house all day eating cake and stuff. I mean, that’s what you do, right? 

  • Meredith L.

    I have two kids and I still encounter these questions all the time, especially since we have two boys. People assume we want a girl so badly we’re just going to keep popping out babies until we get one. Right? Because we are having genders, not children. My mother-in-law’s exact reaction when she learned we were having another boy: “Well, congratulations anyway. Maybe the next one will be a girl.” Dude, I’m 36. I’m DONE. You want a girl? Go have one your damn self.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      LORDY. I have a dear friend who has two girls. When they found out the sex of the 2nd baby (her then-husband was at the appt. he is an ex-husband), she asked if they should call his parents to tell them the sex. His response: Nah, they’ll find out the bad news soon enough.

  • Ndonaven

    Me: “Why do you ask?”

    Often the response is: “Oh, well, um, uh…” or some variation on this theme. Or maybe it is “I want grandchildren” or something equally direct.
    Me: “Oh!”
    And I leave it at that. Occasionally I ask “Why do you need to know?” instead…that’s usually a conversation-stopper. Which is okay, because I don’t want to have a conversation with those people anyway. 

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Sheesh…it never even occurred to me to be so direct and no-nonsense about it. Probably because I’m just writhing in fury. That sounds kind of dramatic. But I’m just trying to keep it real. ;)

  • Mrs. One Day

    I hate uterus questions. HATE. Why? Because I was unable to conceive and had to have a hysterectomy last year. Uterus questions hurt like no other.

    P.S. I recommend punching those people in the taco.

    • Random- the high end hobo

      ::Fist bump::

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Mrs- I got your back. Two punchers > Just one

  • Jaimee Hunter

    You speak to me today, Girly Friend! Thank goodness hubster had darling daughter with his first wife because I am infertal-myrtal (I can’t spell either!). Because of endometriosis, I had my eighth and final surgery in 2007…we got married four months later. So now we are five years in and have a high school child. Nevertheless, I still get the nosey questions except insert adoption if the nose is attached to somone who knows me. I just make strangers feel bad for asking by saying I cannot have children in my super sad voice. Somedays I think sure…let’s adopt. Then the moody girl comes home from school, throws me for a loop, and I am thankful we have one and only. You should just ask those people, “I am sorry…have YOU ever survived raising a tween/teen girl in today’s world? You’d only want one too if you were me!” Plus you two are like us…never had a honeymoon without child at home. In three years, we get to do whatever, whenever and where ever. So booyah!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Did I know that you were also married in 2007? Met too! I’m September 8. You? 

      Sometimes, the children we love and help raise come to us in different ways. I think about Harv,and how he doesn’t know about the whole sleepless nights with a baby thing. But that’s ok. He’s here now. And that’s what counts. 

      We’ll be empty nesters as 36 and 38 year olds. Perhaps we should do some Empty Nester Cocktail thing. =)

  • Lynellekw

    Sometimes I tell people I have Medical Issues and allow them to make the assumption that I can’t have children.  Except for one particularly nosy type who then assured me that IVF works wonders and caesarean sections are a walk in the park.  But I’m closing in on 35 now, and having been married for 11 years people are starting to make the quiet assumption that I am Simply Unable to bear children (except for one well-meaning type who assured me that perhaps I was just arriving at the point in my life when I would want a child – this turned out to be because he thought I was 25) and aren’t giving me sneaky sideways looks when there’s a baby in the room anymore.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Some people. SMH.

      I might give a pass (only if I’m in a good mood though) to the guy who said I might finally be ready if he knocked 10 years off my age. =)

  • whoa_its_jessie

    I GET THIS ALL THE DAMN TIME! Or at least I used to. When my ex and I were together & we had our daughter, we kept getting asked, “When’s the next one coming?” To which I would respond, “Are you going to pay for it?” Kids are expensive, holy shit. Not only that, I spent two years getting my pre-baby body back. Fuck. That.
    Then came the question, “When are you going to get married?” Three years together & homeboy wasn’t giving me a serious conversation about actually tying the knot, so I left. Boom, bitch.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      As a fellow homette who had a baby before anybody put a ring on it, I totally feel you. 

      I didn’t end up with my baby daddy. Instead, I ended up with the RIGHT person. ;)

  • Gigi Griffis

    Ah, I love this one!

    My parents used to pester me more about this…until the day that I took it too far (that’s what you have to do to make them stop beating any dead horse).

    You see, I have a little sister who is kind of a wild child. Both of us are grown-ups (okay, sort of) and out of the house (in her case, again, sort of), but she’s a tad bit crazy and my parents worry about her (rightly so). So when my mom said “Am I never going to be a grandmother?” mournfully to me that one time, I responded casually “of course you are. Rachel is bound to get knocked up any day now.”

    My mother did not think this was funny. But she hasn’t asked about grandkids since. So…I win.

    • Random- the high end hobo

      My brother took one for the team with my step mom!  She said “I want grandchildren” and he said “well, I mean, if you’re not picky, I can make some calls.  I might have a kid somewhere…”

      She never brought it up again :)

      • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

        Random- I am dying. 

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Gigi- maybe it was not funny in ma’s eyes, but no one got physically injured, carted off to jail or actually knocked up…so this was perfectly acceptable in my book. And effective too!

  • aubry.

    aaaaaamen, sister. except, instead of the people in my life asking the questions in order – you know, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage – i get all three of them at once. like from my mom the other day, who reminded me my that my “little baby making eggs were drying up”…  

    i am severely behind schedule.  especially since i’m mormon… where all my friends and college roommates and fellow mormons from my young adult life have kicked out their 5th child.  and i’m just looking for someone to take me to a movie on a friday night.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      personally, i find it very difficult to lock down the perfect movie-going companion. So many factors involved. Do you breathe too loudly? Do they fall asleep during the action? Do they take all the red skittles? Because a good movie companion could turn into something more. Ya hear me? Now…when are you getting married?

  • Kinsa

    I told my family & friends that I want to adopt a kid rather than have a bio kid & they went batshit crazy trying to convince me not to. I let them waste their breath & then tell them I want an adopted kid as much as they want a bio kid, but still not for a few years.

    Only my best friend was cool with it.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      My family doesn’t view me as a separate person. Just an extension of them. So if I make a decision they are not cool with, they will talk my ear off until I run away or go over to the dark side. 

      I’d like to mess around with them like this once in awhile. 

  • Rachel B

    It is total bullshit and I hate the sideways looks as though there’s something wrong with ME for being (gasp!) a single woman in my 30s. And when I get bullshit questions asking when I’m going to start thinking about husbands and babies I respond with something along the lines of… “Kids aren’t so bad – I wouldn’t mind molding young minds, as long as I can send them back to the nanny when I’m tired. Maybe it’s time to find me a baby daddy.” That usually shuts them up.  

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      That’s why I can’t wait for my friends to have babies…I mean, when they feel it’s right with no pressure from me whatsoever…cuz I can send them packin’ when I’m all tired and I want some quiet again. 

  • FearlessFibro

    Maybe if you hadn’t done such a good job with Cal, they would leave you alone—you must be reaping what you sowed. 

    I, on the other hand, am raising bat-shit crazy hellions that will likely put me in an early grave-no worries about people wanting ME to breed more.

    Strategy, my dear, is EVERYTHING.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      oh man, so there IS an downside to never having CPS roll by my house. maybe I should really lower my parenting standards. i mean, i DO feed her like 3 whole times a day plus a snack. Should I do away with the snack?

      teach me. i am your eager student.

  • B

    OMG I fucking hate these questions, my family is the worst at this. I’ve been polite saying no I’m not ready. I’ve also given the “I don’t know” answer to no avail and finally when I started my first year of college I started getting all smart ass on them. I’ve said some pretty fucked up shit and most still don’t get the hint about not asking me these questions. Here were some of my more brutal responses:

    1) So I can be a shinning example like the women of my family, in my generation?

    2) I don’t even like this family, what makes you think I want to take a chance at continuing those genes… (Okay, I love some members of my family, they know who they are)

    3) You graduated college, why don’t you have a boyfriend or have kids. Well… you see you kinda need the first one to have the second thing and seeing as how my mother told me don’t have kids out of wedlock and said it with an evil stare, meaning bitch I’ll kill you if you don’t set a good example for your sister. It probably means that wasn’t my life’s goal at the time, my life’s goal was to fucking have a blast for a while.

    Versus now, I’m engaged and the expectation  is well… come back in full force. Which is worse, because now my aunts really don’t let up, these women ask me every chance they get. They see me holding a baby and it’s like “Aww, don’t you want one?”, me “ugh… not yet damn it!” My aunt has even said that I should make babies with my fiance, because the incentive is nice looking kids with our genes… <— Really!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit, is there a prize involved for having awesome looking kids that I might not be able to put through college if I can't finish grad school and struggle to give them what they need? Cause if there is sign me the fuck up!!!

    Finally I broke down and just explained to my aunts, for christ sakes, please stop asking me this. I do want kids, but at the right moment right time. Look I know there is never enough planning for the future, but if I have a child. I want to give it a life and a chance to go to school and all the things he/she will need. So it will happen sooner or later just be patient. I'm 30, maybe it will be in my 5-year Uterus plan. ;-)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      CTFU. I especially relate to #2. The thought of Cal or any (I mean, if I have any more) other kids carrying on some of the traits that the crazy side of my family possesses scares the shit out of me. And if I’m being honest, I don’t possess the best genes either, so I don’t want kids to be like me.

      I hope you have better luck with explaining stuff to your family and making it stick. Mine always act like they understand but 5 minutes later, they’re all over me again.

  • Makaila

    I’m 31, with an upcoming 6th grader.. boy, not girl.  
    I am in a committed, long term, engaged to be married relationship. I get asked this ALLLLL THE DAMN TIME!!!!  Especially by my fam!  I stick to the “I don’t know” answer and the “don’t care what your response is” reaction.  But.  AGREED.  

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’ve been trying to perfect the glazed over reaction for years to accurately convey just how much I don’t care what they think about my reproductive situation. Still needs a little more work because obviously it hasn’t been effective so far. =)

  • Makaila

    and ps.. as a ‘younger’ mother myself, your line ” haven’t had a baby since like, 8th grade” Cracked Me Up!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      So hard to find younger moms around these parts. Always glad to meet more. xx

  • Johi Kokjohn-Wagner

    People ALWAYS ask me that question. I assume it is because I spawned beautiful, perfect children and am the epitome of patience and gentle guidance and not because they heard me yell, “AGAIN! Stop hitting your brother or I am going to burn your toys!”
    ~Johi (because my name didn’t show.)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      After meeting you this weekend, it’s hard to imagine that you wouldn’t spawn absolutely perfect children. You are beyond gorgeous and I am so happy that we finally got to meet.

  • Johi Kokjohn-Wagner

    Here it is! WTF?

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Just switched to the new Disqus 2012. Hope it’s more consistent for everyone. =)

  • Sarah

    I get these questions ALL the time once people find out that I’m married. And then their mouths hang open a bit when they find out that we’ve been married 7 years AND HAVEN’T HAD A BABY. 

    These are the rants I have in my head (and sometimes out loud) when I am asked these types of questions.

    I don’t know what’s mind boggling about MY choice to not have a baby yet. Yes, I want them but I can’t really afford daycare at this moment, you know my husband and I went to college, like we were supposed to do and either we default on our student loans or we afford daycare. You know, unless you’re volunteering to watch my kid at least 40 hours a week.

    Yes, I realize that I’m getting old (apparently 32 is really pushing it when you have yet to get pregnant) even though I look like I’m 7-10 years younger than I actually am. 

    I’m not pushing having a baby on you am I? Because I realize the amount of time, energy and money that having a child takes. Yes, I still think that children are totally worth it. But again, it’s the money. Wait, are you offering to give me $20,000 dollars? Then let’s consider this subject closed. :)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      It’s so funny when people push babies on other people. I don’t think they consider for even one minute as the uninvited advice is coming out of their mouth that there are some major things to consider….like money and time and….fuck it….let’s be frank, space. I know couples who live in, like, 600 sq ft of space. Baby shit take at least double that.

      7 years. That is a pretty major accomplishment these days, yo.

      • Sarah

        Luckily space is the one thing I DO have. :)

        Thanks for the props homie.

  • RealMommyChron

    Okay…but if, like, you had to, say…give me a percentage for ‘Yes, I’m going to have a baby!’???? Because, I mean, I don’t know if I can sleep tonight not knowing!

    I think, in fact, that I DESERVE to know. Don’t you?

    (and apparently I think obnoxious people use a LOT of commas.) ;)

    Next time, just start asking them the most embarrassing and graphic questions possible about their sex life. Perhaps they’ll take the hint.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You said something over the weekend that cracks me up every time I think about it now. “I just keep asking questions till people tell me I’ve hit their limit” and then you told me I could stop you whenever I wanted. I liked that you were so straight up and you made me feel comfortable about the questions. I wish more peeps would do that.

  • Banana Stickers

    Strangers ask the shittiest questions. 
    I love when they do the “she made bad decisions in high school” math upon figuring out the very tall girl next to my fairly young self is in fact my daughter and not my niece. 
    “So, um, you’re her mother?”
    “She did crawl out of my uterus about ten years ago, so I sure as shit hope so”
    “So, that means you were… *counting on fingers with off in space look* …. how old when you had her?”
    “Old enough to know that it’s shitty to ask total strangers personal questions just because we happen to be standing in line for the same cash register and both appear to be out of tampons and wonder bread.”
    I don’t actually say that, but GOOD GOD I think it.

    • Stacey Rittel

      SAY IT!!!!!!!! My mother had me at 20, but the bitch looks so good people think my kids are hers, which is fucking irritating, because THAT’S when they choose to be socially appropriate and adorable. 

      • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

        I’m cracking up. You’re funny.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OMG! YOU TOO?!?! That fuckin grocery line has the nosiest strangers, doesn’t it?

  • Bill-The Authentic Life

    Oh, when Paul and I got married we got these questions constantly.  Even though we were both men, in our forties and had five kids, the question about when we were going to have a baby did not stop!

    Of course that may have been all in my head….

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OMG, you two MUST have a baby. When I can expect to get an announcement?

      Wait, I missed something, didn’t I?

  • Ally Gregory

    One of the hazards of being in a committed lesbian relationship, is that straight men feel the need to offer us their sperm all the time. “You know if you ever want to have kids, I’m your guy” Umm no thanks.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      “Men like you are the reason I stick to women.” -Thing I would say as a lesbian to weird motherfuckers who offer me their sperm.

  • Stacey Rittel

    My usual answer (as 34 yr-old single mother to 11,8,&7yr olds) is “Are you kidding? I just got used to not buying diapers!” or “I’m trying to bank sleep hours for when I have teenagers” The disappointing thing for me, is that 3 is a scrwed up number and I feel the need for one more, just to make it even again. I’ve set a limit though…. and I’m hella close to my eggs being stale, ya jive? personally, I I think next time someone asks, just say:

    “Why don’t you go right on ahead and do that, Ima go make myself a stiff drink, cuz I CAN”

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      My bff is pregnant. I’m now drinking for the both of us. Cuz I CAN. =)

  • Jen Reinmuth

    Oddly enough people never encourage me to breed.  Hmm. . .I wonder why that is?

    People DO, however, constantly ask me if I’m going to get married again.  Gosh, tempting, but if I want someone to tell me what to do and where to go in a cold and impersonal manner I have mapquest.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      WHAT?! With those brains and that face? BREED MORE. I mean. Um. Let me just stop right there.

      You’re too fabulous for just one man.

  • Kayla @ kp LOVING it

    So weird. I just wrote a post regarding this subject a few days ago!!! Speak it, sista girl!!!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Great minds think alike. ;)

  • k8a

    Ugh.  Don’t you hate this phenomenon?  It starts from the minute you get married and just gets worse as time goes on.  I can remember my mother-in-law, who is a lovely person (no, really, I actually like her), asking about why we hadn’t had children (we waited 6 years) before I got pregnant with my first daughter… I got so tired of the conversation and finding different ways to politely answer it I finally shut her (and the rest of the family) up by saying, “Well, crap.  And here I thought I added value to this family whether my uterus is empty or not… Nice to know I’m only here as a babymachine…”

    After the first one, then it was on to when we’d have the second.  Ugh.  Thankfully, we had such an ordeal with our first (from her early birth to a horrifically sick first year), that I could claim I wasn’t recovered from the stress of JUST.KEEPING.THE.ONE.WE.HAVE.ALIVE.OKAY???

    But, here it is, 4 years later, I deliver our second daughter 8 WEEKS AGO… and I was getting shit about whether or not we’d have a third before this kid was even a month old.  Thankfully, I have the best answer for that question, now:

    “Look.  I had my tubes tied.  I’m 36, and my two pregnancies nearly KILLED ME.  Both times.  So, NO.  I’m not having any more.  I’m sorry if that messes with your ideas of what a family should be, or if it is against your belief system to sterilize someone.  For us?  It’s the right decision, and last time I checked, it’s really OUR decision…” 

    Damn nosy people need to mind their own business.  

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Lord. I can’t believe they’re already asking you about another one when you technically aren’t even supposed to be doing the thing which makes babies in the first place.

      I suppose that could be another answer. ;)

  • Are You Kidding Me?

    I get to go with “I’m too old” which then diverts the conversation to the fact that I do not look as old as I am.  I guess there’s a good side to being over 40.  But then some people press it, and when they go that route, they end up with waaaaay more explanation about my reproductive system than they ever wanted.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      People who just keep pestering the shit out of you totally deserve to end up with a whole bevy of information that they probably didn’t want to know.

  • tabitha mace

    I waited till I was 30 to have my first 1 then we decided to have another one just before I turned 32. 2 kids 21 months apart 1 girl 1 boy anything beyond that is redundant. So I decided that I did not want nor could afford to have anymore. So I got fixed. OH the HORROR! To be responsible and and not want a herd of screaming brats trailing behind you. How selfish of me. I was always asked “What if you 2 break up?” I won’t have anymore kids. Well what if your next guy wants them? He won’t get them from me. So pretty much your damned if you do damned if you don’t. I am 40 years old now and supremely happy I never have to worry about pregnancy. I am up front about it and most guys I know (& the ones I would actually sleep with) are cool with it and actually happy they don’t have to worry about it. Any guy that comes at me talking about wanting babies is immediately written off. 

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      When I was a single mom, guys that I dated assumed that I wanted more kids because, um, you know what, I don’t even know. Something about “still being young” and they assumed that since I had one, I was anxious for another. There were men I liked but they simply didn’t accept my answer that I was really unsure about the whole thing. Which is why I’m not with any of those bitches now.

  • ColdBlooded

    OH My. I get this baby question on a regular basis.  Most of my family has assumed that because I’m 28 that I’m not having kids, because ya know, 28 is practically 55. And the rest of the family asks about me getting knocked up so much so that I have declared that now it is my my sole purpose in life to kill the family blood line just to shut them up.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Sometimes, you just gotta get all hardcore and shit to make a point. I like your style.

  • Thoughtsappear

    Ugh…the questions annoy me. Especially the baby questions. I’m 31. Not 41. I have a few good years left still.

    Some people are never satisfied.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh yes. No matter what, they always have a follow up question. Those are the same people who don’t get a return phone call.

  • Amanda

    I get asked if I’m having any more from all sorts of people.  Twins aren’t enough???  “Don’t you want a girl?” they ask.  No!  I know how to parent boys.  They’re easy.  They fight and brawl and fart and eat all the food in the house but they do not have all of the hormonal issues little girls have.  There will be no sass in my house unless it comes from my mouth!

    • Jennifer June Clark

       Oh, my dear….. My 14 year old boy just started doing the sulky, moody, smart-mouthed teenage thing. Boys do it, too. They just don’t cry as much.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Boys also don’t steal your lip gloss. Well, most don’t.

  • Becky Amos

    I wrote about this on my blog recently, too! What is UP with people?? 

  • Mellow D G

    I have a seven year old daughter who was a wonderful surprise. But, since I am 35 I get asked all of the time if I am going to have more. I guess time is of the essence and my last chance is near approaching. Get it. But I make no apologies for the fact that I like nice shit and I like to do fun shit. There is a lot that can be done with what it costs to send a baby to day care every month ie: Michael Kors bags and watches, Vegas trips and Botox. Everyonce in a while someone has the balls to tell me that they think that is a shallow viewpoint, at which time I lean in and whisper ” I really just don’t wanna stretch out my vajay-jay. You know how long I had to do kegals to get this thing tight as a steel trap? I bet after your two kids it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway” That seems to work pretty well for me.

    • Thefauxpas

       I have the same answer! I started reading the comments after I posted and I thought, damn, bitch beat me to it! High five and chest bump!

    • Random- the high end hobo

      That’s not shallow.  Having a baby as a status symbol and then resenting it and not taking care of it is shallow.  Good for you for being honest and doing what makes you happy!

      • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

        I know oh so many people who have had a baby as a status symbol. Kind of disturbing.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      LMAO. This reminds me of Cal’s kindergarten teacher. She was once telling me about her sister. She said, “I chose to have 2 kids and she chose to have a BMW.”

  • Adkeipp

    I am 45 years old.  I have 7 kids ( 2 are adiopted from Russia), we have lost 11 babies.  My last baby was born when I was 43.  People still ask me if we are going to have more.  If I am in a snotty mood, I say well, I am still having periods and we are still having sex, and we are devout Catholics who do not contracept, so, who knows? 

    TMI?  They shouldn’t have asked:)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’ve never met a Catholic who was wholly devoted to not contracept. Pretty dope that you stick to you faith so fervently, as I have waffled on and off again in my own for a long ass time.

  • Elizabeth

    My 32nd birthday is next month and I totally want an “I WIN AT LIFE” badge and a Frosty. Just sayin’.

    I’m single and I’m soo tired of the “when are you going to meet someone?” question. I always want to say something along the lines of ” OH, right, now that you’ve asked that question, I guess I’ll just go pull him out of the other demension I’ve been hiding him in!” Instead I just go with an “I don’t know” and change the subject as quickly as humanly possible while wishing they would shut the hell up.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Whoa wait. You’re an Elizabeth. I’m an Elizabeth. I turn 32 next month. You turn 32 next month.

      We could be the same person. Except that one of us is married and one of us is single. And one of us has a kid. And the other doesn’t. Details. Details.

      • Elizabeth Barnes

        exactly. we are totally the same person, except for that nit-picky bs. ;)

  • Mel

    I’ve never gotten the baby question, but I used to go to a church where the pastor’s wife always asked if I wanted a baby brother or sister.

    Some Sundays, I’d tell her I want a sister. Other Sundays, I said I wanted a brother. I honestly don’t want a sibling; I like being an only child. 

    For the longest time, it seemed like other people wanted me to have a sibling more than I wanted to have a sibling.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      People ask Cal this all the time. While giving me a sideways glance. Some people. smh.

  • Alison

    When people ask stupid shit questions like that, I’m always tempted to ask about their sex life, y’know, like do they take it up the ass because, hey, since we’re getting so familiar here.

    Unfortunately, my filter kicks in and I just mentally kick them in the ovaries/ nuts.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You’re so classy. I can’t keep things in my head. The words just fly out of my mouth before I know what’s going on.

  • Msjanedoe14

    yeah people are nosey as fuck… i have four kids and they ask ” y did u have so many?” i wanna say really cuz the bitch on tv with 20 fuckin kids gets paid to have a camera follow her around and thats what im goin for! maybe shut the fuck up is better than that, u think? ur right tho no matter what ur sitch is people are goin to question it… just live ur own fuckin lives! we could just have that tattooed across our forhead… lol then they migh quit askin

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      My husband says I can’t get any more tattoos, but I feel compelled to tattoo “I was nosy and I got this tattoo as my punishment” on some people’s foreheads.

  • Lesley

    I like kids just fine, but they make me have anxiety attacks. And I don’t want to be a mom. I told this to my sister–in-law a few years ago and she freaked out! I mean she wasn’t angry or anything, but her brother already had 2 children who were older and maybe she was expecting her own children to have younger cousins? Who knows. But it was a complete shock to her. I feel a little bit bad, but not that bad. I have no desire to have children so I totally feel you.

    I say…adopt a puppy or kitten!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I can’t even handle an animal in the house right now, lol. I’ll only let us look at them in the pet store and then we have to come home empty handed. It’s not looking good for the people who expect me to have more kids. Cuz I don’t even want a pet around.

  • lisa from insignificant @ best

    OMG do I ever!  My
    daughter is 5 and especially my in-laws are bugging me to have another (hell
    they’ve been bugging me since she was 2) and frankly, I’m the hold out.  My hubby wants another and I don’t.  I always thought I wanted 2 kids cuz I was an
    only child and always longed for a sibling, but now that I have the one…I just
    don’t want to do that shit anymore.  So I
    always look at anyone who pressures me and ask one or more of the following:

    “Are you going to pay all the bills associated with a 2nd

    “Are you going to wake up in the middle of the night to feed
    the child?”

    “Are you going to watch the child while I’m at work?”

    This usually shuts them up at least temporarily.

    Oh and I must share this appalling story with you.  I have this Indian friend who has been
    married for about 3 years and doesn’t have any kids yet.  Apparently, in the Indian culture, if you don’t
    have kids right away your in-laws and parents start to pressure you and it’s
    assumed there is something physically wrong with the woman.

    Well my friend and her husband are fairly American-ized and
    her in-laws claim to be too and are towards their daughters, but not my
    friend.  When it comes to her they have
    been pulling shit that would be cause for a serious beat down in my book (she
    tells me these stories and I get pissed…and it’s not even happening to me).

    Her in-laws not only ask constantly when they are going to
    have a baby, but have accused her of having issues with getting pregnant.  They have also called her parents in India
    and have harassed them about her health and have tried to get them to pressure
    her too.  Then when she went to visit her
    in-laws in Canada about a year ago her mother-in-law made an appointment and
    insisted she get her fertility checked out (my friend is a dual Citizen so she’d
    be able to see a doctor there).  She
    never ended up going because she got sick, but made an appointment down here
    and had to mail her test results to her mother-in-law.  She said she did it just to get her off her
    back, but I still think she’s nuts.  It
    got so bad that she threatened to divorce her hubby if he didn’t start sticking
    up for her, seeing how neither of them is ready to have a kid yet.

    I don’t know Liz…I’m pretty sure I’d shank a bitch.  I was ready to travel to Canada to tell the
    in-laws off for her.  I get that there
    are certain things that people believe culture-wise, but if you don’t believe
    it then others who do need to back the fuck off.

    I guess the moral of the story is…we could have it
    worse.  I’d rather deal with the
    questions we get, than that shit.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Lawdy, the shit Indian (which I consider “Asian” in my book) and other Asian in-laws do. I read somewhere that the #1 reason for couples in those countries getting divorced is mother-in-laws. Or maybe the #1 victim of murders in those countries was mother-in-laws. I get confused. Maybe it’s both. I wouldn’t be surprised. I hope your friend finds some peace. And her husband grows a backbone.

  • Megan Gordon

    I didn’t have my son until I was your age, so I spent the first five years fielding this intrusive question. I simply replied, “I don’t know. When I’m ready,” in a tone that said “discussion over.”

    Deflecting the second kid question was much more fun. I would tell them about my miscarriage, my son’s premature birth and his physical disability. It was like hitting them with a stun gun.

    Now? I’m too damn old and my ovaries have packed up and moved to a condo on Miami Beach. Apparently no one really cares what you do after you’re done with having children because no one asks anymore. :D

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I have found that my uterus is much more fascinating to people than my personality, my experiences, or my interests. More people ask when I’m going to have more kids than what I do for a living.

  • Lisa

    I have only had one person give me the ‘poor you’ response when I told her that I did not have children.  6 months later, the same person was expressing frustration with her teenager, and said “At least you can put your pets to sleep when they are bad.  We can’t do that with children!”


    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      It’s so weird that you need a license for shit like driving and fishing but you don’t need one to procreate. Because some people should be denied the license. Like that person.

  • Jaclyn Flores

    I seriously thought that once I had the one kid, I’d be left alone. She’s TWO- how have I been getting hounded for a year already about having another? Jesus Dicksmack Christ, can I get the first one to stop shitting on my floor first? Anyway, my current answer is somewhere along the lines of “No, because I’m divorcing your douchebag brother”.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I hope that shuts em up real fucking quick. And if it doesn’t, it’s prolly ok to let the lil one shit on their floor. Think about it.

  • Blah

    AGREE!!  I am 35 and going through a horrible divorce.  My ex is a complete asshole.  We have no children and the entire time we were married, people asked, “when are you or why don’t you have children?”.  Those same assholes are the first ones to say to me now, “oh thank god you didn’t have children.”  This blows my mind.  When people with children are going through a divorce, no one would ever say, “oh you shouldn’t have had children, get rid of them.”

    The morale to my ramblings is.. people need to shut the fuck up, mind their own business, and smile while doing so!!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Nothing says “I care” more than silence. Too bad more people don’t know that.

  • Kimberliah

    I have managed to have enough kids to where people NEVER ask me that… thank goodness…  Instead I would get the “Holy Hell, are you going to f*cking STOP????” lol ;)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Hilarious. You could totally form your own gang. This would be the only reason I would have a lot of kids. So I could be a gang leader. Thoughts like this are exactly why I shouldn’t procreate.

  • Crystal (aka C-Dawg)

    As a member of the Child Free By Choice brigade, I’ve actually been REALLY super lucky. Most people don’t bug me about my uterus-related choices YET (I’m guessing that’s just coz I’m single… hmmm…) and when someone knows me well enough that we’re talking about kids/possibility of kids, I know THEM well enough to know that they’re not trying to hassle me. Except my mom – she’s forever whining about how she’ll never have grandkids. Meh.

    Oh, though there was one time I was chatting with a complete stranger at a party who asked if I was married (I was… 24, I think, at the time) and I said, “no.”  She got this shocked look on her face and asked “why???” OMG, I did NOT know what to say!!! I think I’ll be writing some snappy comebacks down so I’ll be armed if that ever happens again… (shakes head)

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’d like to think she was asking why because she realized how truly awesome you are and was shocked that there wasn’t some battle raging on for your hand in marriage. But it was probably because she was underdeveloped ass.

      What a strange question.

  • Cynical Romantic

    I usually say: “Nobody wants me”, and I try to look really sad while saying it. People stop after that. For a while.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      This made me laugh and say “aw” at the same time. i wasn’t aware until right now that that was possible.

  • Thefauxpas

    I do get asked when I’m going to get married and how many kids I want. I just tell them that I like my vagina tight. 

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress


      That is the optimal state, yes.

  • Carly Moorehead

    Um, yes. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and he just now proposed this year. So now people are asking “when are you guys going to have kids?” Um, sometime after I don’t live with my half loony mother, thanks.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      BOOM. I don’t know how anyone could have a comeback to that. ;)

  • unitedstatesofbecky

    I wanted to comment on this post, but I went on a huge rant about fucktards and my husband’s grandmother.  In the interest of not sounding like more of a psychopath than I already do: I concur.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You never sound like a psychopath. Just a teller of truth. I concur. With myself. That made no sense.

  • Jennifer

    Love this! I’m 32 and married very happily to my husband of 10 years. We have absolutely no desire to have children.  Somehow this seems to be up for discussion with even random strangers in the grocery checkout line.  I have begun answering the “do you have children” question with “No, that isn’t a service that I provide.”  It seems to stun and silence them long enough for me to escape.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      That grocery check out line is seriously the place of all evil questions and no boundaries. That’s why I send my husband now. I don’t even care if women hit on him or try to take him home. Just as long as I don’t have to deal with the questions.


    I’m 26 and everyone is acting like my eggs are dying off by the second.  I usually respond with “not right now, we’re having too much fun just the two of us.” 
    People need to mind their own business.  The question is completely socially inappropriate.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Perhaps a little wink at the end of that line would make people shift in discomfort. Please try it. For me. Please.

  • RachelFelson

    So because I am over the age of 18, single, and jewish – all the women I know assume that I am lonely and need a boyfriend. In one 20 min pitstop at my mom’s office (in the temple) 8 women tried to set me up with their son, grandson, nephew, cousin, and even a daughter. I am not lonely (or gay) I am enjoying college lol.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OMG, you could totally set up a little matchmaking side business. Think about it.

  • Jennifer June Clark

    I am now considering myself to be very lucky. Mostly, people don’t take those sorts of liberties with me. Tho, when Miles and I got married, I was asked, “any plans for any more pouchlings?” by one of his weird friends. Most of my friends/family were just so damn glad to see me finally find a good man. Guess they didn’t want to jinx it.

    I’m sorry folks is so rude. Tell ’em to go pound sand, sweetie.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You most certainly did find a good man. And then a two for one baby deal. That’s kinda dope, Jen.

  • Lucyslogic61

    I personally like “are you the keeper of the uterus clock? I don’t hear your Timex ticking…”
    When I went from being about 30 pounds too heavy to my ideal weight, the comments from people were unbelievable!
    “you’re not anorexic are you”
    “are you doing cocaine?”
    “you are looking awfully thin. Are you eating?”
    “how much weight have you lost”

    Of course most of these questions/comments came from people who could have lost a few pounds themselves. I always wanted to look them in the eye, smile so sweetly and say, .” wow, you’re looking like you have been eating more than your share, just how much weight have you gained?”

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      HATERS. Just cuz you lookin all fly and shit.

  • Erin@MommyontheSpot

    I just had this convo with my doctor and some random person.  This seemed to be an appropriate topic at the doctor’s office, but I do want to say tell others to shut up.  But instead, I feel compelled to tell them all of my issues with this.  In detail.  Which then goes into my child rearing philosophies.  By this point, their eyes seem to glaze over.  It is not clear who the winner is in this situation.  Me because they got more than they bargained or them because they got an answer.  I’ll let you be the judge.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh lordy. I just laughed so hard. Obviously, YOU WON. You gotta wear down the nosy peeps with a really really long answer. Make em sorry they ever asked.

  • Misty

    Note to self:  Cross off “ask Liz if she’s gonna have more kids” on already prepared Topics To Discuss list for fellow bloggers at BlogHer.  Phew!  That was a close one.  ;)

    I used to get asked that shit all the time after I had my second son.  You see, since I had 2 boys, obviously it was completely feasible and understandable for every fucking person in the world and their mother (and MY mother) to continuously ask if I was having another, because I obviously needed to keep trying so I could have a girl.  I would usually shut them down with my most practiced “Bitch, please” look and tell them I was done. DONE.  Did not stop the questioning and cajoling.

    “But your hubs wants a whole bunch of kids!”  Oh yeah, well then go ahead and let him pop out out. 

    “Awww, but don’t you want to buy dresses for a little girl?”  You have one, I’ll buy her a dress.  Deal? 

    “Girls take care of their mommas in old age!”  That’s ok, I don’t plan to outlive my kids anyway.  I do WAY too much stupid shit to live past, oh say, 50.

    “You’re young.  You have plenty of time!”  Tell my stretched out uterus and stretched out stretch marks about being young.  Because they sure feel about 80 years old.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Do we, uh, know the same people? Or do people read these lines from a book that maybe we don’t know about. I have been asked the same exact shit. AND I HAVE A GIRL. Apparently, their reasoning behind asking these questions is that since Cal and I are so close in age, she’ll also be old when I’m old and I need to have another baby now to take care OF THE BOTH OF US. What kind of fucked up shit is that?

  • Marnie

    You could always say, “0n the outside I’m 31, but on the inside I’m 92. Have you seen that movie, Benjamin Button? It’s like that, but in my uterus.” Then best to walk away.

    I had my one and only child at 30, so my eggs were “in their autumn years” – no lie…heard that from someone at a reunion…and used to say “we’re really happy with our family decisions, thanks for asking! (with feigned enthusiasm). How about you? Usually their four year old has a rash, is still breast feeding, or something else equally boring that will change the subject from your empty uterus.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I went to my 10 yr HS reunion and I would have given anything to say “Yes, my uterus is empty, but how are those cracked nipples doing? You had triplets, yes? WOW, you look really tired.”

      Dying over the Benjamin Button idea. Love it. So much.

  • fershers

    it’s worse when you’re single, wanna mingle and mingle but don’t wanna settle.

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Go get your mingle on girl. You’re fucking fabulous.

  • Roller Scrapper

    lol, I gave birth, what 14 weeks ago and people were asking me weeks and weeks ago whether we were having another one yet…for the record I do want another one, but it is funny how it’s very acceptable for someone to know your bizzness when you’re of child bearing age!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      14 weeks???? You’re behind! Better get on it immediately!!!!! OMG, it’s totally going to scar your firstborn for being an only child for so long.

      Just kidding. Swear. Although…..I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere out in the world, somebody said some crazy ass bullshit like this.

  • Roller Scrapper

    I gave birth what 14 weeks ago and people for weeks have been asking me if I want another! For the record I do want another, but why is it perfectly appropriate to be all up in one’s bizzness when you’re married and of child bearing age?

  • Rebecca


    Questions I detest:
    “So what do you do home all day?”(I have perfected a straight face when answering: I sit and watch TV all day while eating chocolate)
    “So when are you having baby #2?”(For this one…I have no answer, I usually ramble “Um well I don’t know, we will see..blablabla rambleramble)
    People are never satisfied with the answer “I don’t know”.
    Now… let me admit something, the thought *may* have occurred to me of asking you if you had any plans of baby #2 BUT I ask not in judgment but in honest to God curiosity about how someone makes that decision. (but because I know how annoying the question is, I haven’t asked LOL)
    You see, everyone assumes that I will have #2.
    They started asking me when the baby was 3 months. (Are you kidding me? My vajay jay is still in shock over what just happened and I am sleep deprived. I am not thinking about #2 at the 3 month mark wtf).
    Fast forward, my kid is a month away from being 2 years old and just about EVERYONE of her “little gym” friends is expecting a sibling. So of course I deal with this question all the time. Everyone keeps asking (i keep asking myself).
    “are we having #2?”
    “if so, when?”
    “If not, why not?”
    “I am a terrible mom for not giving her a sibling?”
    “Is it selfish to have baby #2 just because I want her to have a sibling?”
    “I have a sibling, I LOVE HIM, I would really want my kid to experience that but what if they hate each other?!”
    “What if I don’t love baby #2 as much as baby #1 (this thought makes me feel terribly TERRIBLY guilty, but I have poured so much love, attention & just my everything to baby #1…that i wonder)”
    “What if I cant handle it?”

    The answer to all the questions is “I DON’T KNOW” I just don’t know yet. Maybe?

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      HOLY SHIT, YO, how did I not see this gem of a comment FOR A MONTH?? Clearly, I need to get my act together. I’m really sorry, mama.
      But seriously, when are you having baby #2?
      Oh wait….
      Now that your little babe is 2 yrs old, I can only imagine that these questions are going to intensify. Sheesh, some people.
      You should totally tell people you are waiting to have another baby because you know that there’s just not enough love in your heart for 2 kids. Let’s see how fast they shut up with that one.

  • mariella :)

    ugh…. the always asked question, “when are you going to have another one?” am i a freak because i only want one child??? maybe when i’m fifty people will stop asking… or people just assume i have more than one and when i say i only have one, they give me the look. highly annoying. i know how you feel!!!

    • Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      People look at me like I’m deformed because I’m perfectly happy with just Cal. But they always tell me to “think about Cal and how lonely she’s going to be.” Oh welp. Kids need struggles to make them stronger.