Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.
This week: Stop wasting so much time
I don’t want to brag or anything, but I’m good at a LOT of things. “What?” you ask. Well, if you must know, I’m incredibly talented at….fuck it, nothing comes to mind right now. WAIT, hot damn, how could I forget? I’m an EXCELLENT time waster.
I know you. You know me. And as friends, the least I can do is spare you from the bullshit I feed my family. Some may say that my family deserves the kind of respect I give you, but those are the same people who don’t have families of their own. Do these judgey people know what it’s like to sit on a cold laundry room floor sorting and unfurling dirty socks before throwing them in the wash even though you’ve asked your family a katrillion times to please not do the “ball your socks into a tiny wad” shit?
When I close my office door and tell these fools I have to “work,” that’s probably the last thing I’m doing. I managed to evade suspicion until they opened the door without knocking first one day and caught me dancing to some dubstep beats while watching myself in the mirror.
Sometimes, I don’t tend to my adult responsibilities for honest and real reasons. I planned to knock some items off my To Do List last Thursday. Just essentials. I never put anything like “Become a better person” on my list because I shy away from tasks that require a lot of work. Plus, it’s good to be an underdeveloped person because I make everyone around me look amazing by comparison. I didn’t accomplish anything because I ended up getting a surprise root canal. I DID manage to check off “Get gas,” but that was only because my car had been running on fumes for most of the week, and I needed gas for my Journey to Dental Hell. When I came home, traumatized from tooth rape, my family accused me of getting a root canal to avoid my chores.
I didn’t really have anything to say in my defense. Mostly because there was no feeling in half my face and I couldn’t talk. But also because if given the choice, I would happily get another root canal over cleaning the greasy spot in front of the stove, even though I slipped in that mess and almost cracked my skull. I’ve learned that head wounds only look and sound dramatic. There’s really nothing important up there anyway.
I have two trips coming up this week. Yesterday, instead of spending precious time packing or stocking the fridge so the “people I love” don’t starve, I spent an hour googling “How to make the perfect paper airplane.” Then, when I realized my precision creasing skills needed work, I moved on to making motivational posters. Like this one:
I would feel more shame if I wasn’t so satisfied with my handiwork.This is not one of those times where I’ll promise to get my act together and become an adult. Let’s keep it real. Baby steps. How about I just stop being so goddamn lazy? That’s good enough for me.Are you a time waster? What are your go-to time wasting activities?
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first image via pinterest