Monday Dare: No more Friday knife fights

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the full list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: More nice. More real. 

After years of being an ill-mannered asshole, I recently bragged to a friend that I had finally mastered the Art of Nice. Before, if I didn’t like someone, I would feel compelled to just push them in the face and walk away. This still seemed fairly ladylike, as two people who don’t get along often end up in knife fights. Or so I hear. I wouldn’t know about such things. I’m very innocent.

Now, I can look someone straight in the eyes, laugh at all their jokes and pretend to find them extremely charming, all the while thinking, “I hate this bitch.” To me, it seemed like a step in the right direction. Adults are pleasant. Pretend pleasant, semi-real pleasant, really-real pleasant: all badges of honor when you can’t stomach the shady character in front of you.

This sage friend pointed out that authenticity is magnetic. That people can often sense when something is…off.

She’s right. These days, when I meet someone new, I try to assess one thing quickly- Is this person a diamond presence or a crotchety motherfucker?

It’s probably a good idea not to know these questionable folks. In the end, someone gets hurt, and cleaning up fresh bloodstains is probably not the best way to spend a Friday night. Not that violence only happens on Friday nights. But that’s neither here nor there.

I am slowly learning that I don’t have to like everyone, but more importantly, not everyone has to like me. We don’t all have to hold hands and sing Kumbaya in the middle of a park professing our love for each other. Mostly, this doesn’t appeal to me because I don’t know all the words to Kumbaya.

I want to spend more time being really-real pleasant to the people I really-real like in my life. I bet I don’t tell them enough how much I appreciate and love them. How good it is to know that I can count on them for anything. And how they can count on me for anything…unless I’m hungry or tired or there’s something good on television. Then, they’re on their own.

So, that’s it. No more fake nice. It’s freeing to know that I don’t have to declare silent war on someone when we don’t see eye to eye. I can walk away. I can choose not to let that crotchety motherfucker get under my skin. Unless *they* push me in the face first. Then it’s on.

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  • http://www.bungalow960.com Shannon

    I told you awhile back girl, you need to be authentic to your feelings! Don’t act like someone shits rainbows and sunshine if they really don’t. But, I do know that you shit sarcasm and awesomeness, which is just as amazing.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      That is, perhaps, the best compliment I’ve received in awhile. 

      Tattoo worthy. 

  • ThePishPosh

    I can’t remember who said it but it was that women act opposite of how they feel. The more you see a woman acting like she likes someone the better chance she actually hates her. Maybe it was Whitney Cummings. I think women have to fight against that bad habit.

    For better or for worse (and it has its downsides believe me) people say they can always tell when I like or don’t like someone. That’s good.  Except when I don’t like someone that much is plain too.

    I’m trying hard to find something to like in most people.

    There’s this one guy I work with though that I can’t stand. But it’s because he’s a dick to me and to other people. I have no problem letting my face register my disgust. And I tell him straight to his face when he does  something I don’t like. At least, this way, people will count on me that if I’m irritated I will let you know. 

    • Jammi

      @ThePishPosh:disqus
       That first paragraph. I am going on internship in a few weeks with two
      girls from my program and they loathe each other. And yet, they are
      going to move in together, and they go drinking and I’m like ‘the hell?
      you think she’s an evil bitch and she thinks you’re a condescending
      asshole and you know this. why are you playing at being friends?!’

      Of course, I have heard recently that folks think I’m a stuck up bitch cause I don’t go out drinking with them, but honestly, I can’t sit and smile with people outside of a work/school environment. Not that there’s anything wrong with them individually or in pairs but they go out as a group and I *know* half of them hate the other and I get paranoid like ‘you’re smiling at me but what are you saying behind my back?’

      • ThePishPosh

         Ugh why would anyone want to hang out with that situation? That is no fun at all.

        Real friends who are real people and real to each other are a treasure. I’d rather hang out alone than be with fake people who hate each other.

        • ThePishPosh

           Oh and yes, if they talk s*hit about others, they probably talk s*hit about you – just my take. People like that suck.

          • Jammi

            That’s what I’m thinking, if it’s so easy for you to pretend to be her friend, you can be doing the same to me and I have enough real friends to not need that drama.

            And from what I gather, they would prefer to pretend to get along and hang out to look cool/cheery? I don’t know. I didn’t do that foolishness in highschool, I don’t see myself doing it now.

          • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

            Jammi- Oooo….I feel that way sometimes when I am sitting around with other moms. I KNOW half of them don’t like each other and talk trash..and then they are all giggle and smiles when they get together. Hard to know what they are saying behind *my* back. ;)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Pish- I have (or had) SUCH a hard time hiding my dislike for people. When I finally mastered my game face, I thought I was all set. But it sure as hell didn’t sit right with me. What I appreciate most in the people I am closest to is knowing how they feel because they aren’t afraid to let it show. 

      I feel like I can count on them too. 

      • ThePishPosh

         Oh you’d know with me. I have a boss that people find intimidating but I think his heart is in the right place. But he irritated me one time so I called HIM into MY office and told him “you are making me MAD!” and told him why. He was flabbergasted and thanked me.

        Booya

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          I’d be too scared to work with you. I get out of line often and I’d hate to get a tongue-lashing from you. I cry often. ;)

          • ThePishPosh

            Oh whoa, I’m not a dominatrix or anything haha! I’m a really nice shy quiet person. I just have really expressive face and honest personality. I’m very forgiving and loveable. We can go buy everything at Target together and drive through the wine country. Come on! Also? I cry every day lol

          • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

            Oo…you had me at Target. 

            Clearly, you know the magic word. ;)

  • http://www.highendhobo.blogspot.com/ Random- The High End Hobo

    Brillian plan.  Although I will tell you, the first time you channel your inner 4 year old and just say “Nah, I mean, you’re probably nice and all but we don’t get along, so why do you want to be my friend?” it’s kind of awkward.  But then you laugh about it later over tequila with other friends so it’s all good. 

    Tequila is an integral part of making friends. :D

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Oh, hell yes. I mean, I think a friendship officially starts when one very high end hobo sends a gal tequila through the mail.

      Or, that’s been my experience at least. =)

      • http://www.highendhobo.blogspot.com/ Random- The High End Hobo

        Haha yes!  Tequila: making friends since… well whenever they started making tequila….

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          So much better than that friendship bread recipe my mom’s friends used to pass around the neighborhood. Who the hell wants bread when you can get tipsy off tequila with a new bud?

  • http://www.imprettysurethat.com/ Becca (aka SMC)

    OMG I WON THE CAT BOOK! I am BEYOND excited…!!!! ok but enough of that. Being Really-real pleasant is one of the hardest things in life to master. As a consummate people schmoozer (it’s my job to be the hostess with the mostest) walking the fine line between insincere dickery and authentic pleasantness isn’t always easy, and I don’t always win the battle, but I try, and that’s the hardest part, the actual trying. So props to you mama for being real with yourself and growing! Just so you know I adore you, and I know that I can count on you for anything, especially pony sitting. Especially that. Hallelujah! xoxo

    • http://www.living-authentically.com Bill-The Authentic Life

      Yay Becca!  You won!

      • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

        Bill, isn’t Becca kind of winner all the way around. I mean, she has US as friends. lol

        • http://www.living-authentically.com Bill-The Authentic Life

          We are pretty awesome!

          • http://yougotsars.com you gotsars!

            don’t forget me! I just like to be fashionably late to everything! It’s my new “thing”

          • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

            Becca, you lucky bitch. Look at all of us fabulous people being your friends. =)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Wait. Do you just “adore” me for the pony sitting? It’s okay if you say yes to this. I won’t like you less. Well, maybe a little, but that’s something we can work with.

      • http://www.imprettysurethat.com/ Becca (aka SMC)

        Clearly not JUST for the pony sitting although I’d say that’s about 40%….

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          Well, as long as it’s less than 50%, I’m okay with it. 

  • http://lessthankate.blogspot.com/ LessThanKate

    I have a pretty awesome “Does this person hate me?” sixth-sense. So as soon as I feel someone doesn’t care for me, I completely avoid them. However, when it comes to people that I personally don’t care for, I fake it. Every time. I’m an excellent liar and fantastic at pretending like I’m interested, like I care, like I like the person… etc… Call it a gift, call it a curse… I have had people that thought I was their best friend that I really and truly could not stand to spend more than 30 seconds talking to. Part of this is because I feel sorry for just about everyone, part of this is because I hate confrontation more than anything in the world, and another part of it is I am definitely a “people-pleaser” type of girl. 

    I did have a friend in high school that a friend of mine and I were really fake-nice to and said things to her that were actually really mean because we were being sarcastic, but she thought we were being genuine. But – I was a teenage girl, so of course I was a bitch. Ha ha. Lucky for me, I don’t talk to people I don’t like. And I’m not at a job or in a social place in my life where I am forced to be around or talk to people who I can’t stand. I know honesty is best, and my best friend is honest and tells people she doesn’t like that she doesn’t like them or makes it clear some other way, and that is why she is my best friend. We make a great team. Good cop, bad cop thing, ya know? Anyway… now I’m just rambling… Good for you with the no more fake nice. I couldn’t do it for a second. I am a complete coward. Do it for all of the people-pleasing people like me out there who wish we could be more honest.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I LOVE the bad cop good cop duo in a friendship. My two nearest and dearest friends are WAYYY nicer than me, and make the perfect complement to my horrible, mean self. ;)

      As for your sixth sense, I would pay a lot of money to have even a little bit of that! I can’t tell to save my life sometimes. 

  • Miranda Kaye

    Hmmm this sounds familiar. :P I’m glad you finally realized you can’t be friends with everyone. In life you’re going to have to lose people, in order to find yourself. :)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Amen, sista. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

  • http://onedayimgonna.blogspot.com/ Mrs. One Day

    I’m on board with this. Why waste our time and effort with people who don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? Thank you for putting it out there. You’re a peach!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      It really *IS* a waste of life-space and effort. Something I finally made myself admit after too many drinks and too many friend dates with assholes. 

  • http://portlandiamom.blogspot.com/ Jen

    OK, posting this from my phone because my hoopty computer is being all ghetto today.  PLease excuse me if this is illegible as my fingers are bloated from Thai food and a shit ton of coffee…

    I was a “people-pleaser” for many years as I was raised with the mantra of “slap on a smile and fake that shit ’til you want to throw yourself under a gas truck”.  After I got divorced…well, let’s just say that dog no longer barks in my yard.  If I like you, you’ll know.  If I don’t, you’ll DEFINITELY know; most likely because I simply won’t acknowledge your existence.  My time is precious and I refuse to have it frittered away by some soul-draining succubus.  Except when I’m watching “Dance Moms” or “The Real Housewives”; them bitches be CRAZY funny!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I have yet to figure out how to comment from my phone. You are one step ahead of me, ho. =)

      I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. You just seem like someone who keeps it real and everyone knows in a very absolute way where they stand with you. I like this. A lot. 

      • http://yougotsars.com you gotsars!

        I love jen because she is as real as it gets. Correct my grammar!

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          Sars- I really wish you were coming to BlogHer. =/

          • http://yougotsars.com you gotsars!

            yeah… me too

          • http://portlandiamom.blogspot.com/ Jen

            Me three.  Can I at least text you nonstop while we’re there?

          • http://yougotsars.com you gotsars!

            I expect nothing less, the more awkward the photos the better yo. So get your phone fixed!

          • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

            We’re going to kidnap you and put you in our luggage. 

  • http://fabparis.blogspot.com/ Missus Clark

    After so many years in hospitality, I can be pleasant to just about anybody. Including people screaming at me, demanding the impossible from me or proposing marriage to me.  Surprisingly, this skill is very useful in a suburban environment, especially when dealing with drunk neighbors or classroom moms who don’t think you’re giving enough to the cause.

    You don’t have to like everyone. You do, however, have to be civil. Unless they’re uncivil first. Then, let it fly, girl!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Who makes more impossible demands- the kids or the former clients? ;)

      I still haven’t mastered civility. I can’t seem to balance that fine line between being polite and courteous but not too friendly and just being a cold bitch. That’s a fine line, right? Or…maybe it’s a mile-wide gap. Clearly, I need some help.

      • http://fabparis.blogspot.com/ Missus Clark

         Oh, guests in the hotels I’ve worked at. Screaming, complaining, dying, flirting, threatening; I’ve seen it all.

        Practice in the mirror. Put on the look of polite attention. Memorize how it feels. Whenever you pass a mirror, make the face. It will become second nature. Or take some acting classes. You’re in the right town for it.

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          I love how you inserted “dying” third on the list. =) Clearly, you are fazed by nothing.

          • http://fabparis.blogspot.com/ Missus Clark

             Not even by a guest found dead in the hot tub, with his prosthetic leg leaning again the nearby wall.

          • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

            Wait a minute….why do we ever even talk about food and cooking when you could be telling me dead people stories!!

  • http://misslayesen.tumblr.com/ Mel

    Just as I had to learn how to prioritize my assignments in college, I also had to learn how to prioritize whose approvals mattered to me most.

    I had to eventually stop caring so much about what certain people would think about me through what someone else says. Secondhand stories about anybody is almost never true anyway, and if I’m not close to them, then why bother? My closest friends know the truth.

    It was hard to be okay with the idea that not everyone has to like me. I grew up wanting to be liked by everyone and be the object of envy for everyone everywhere. Realizing that I’m not the perfect person for everybody was a growing experience.

    But whatever. I’m 20 years and 4 days old now, which means I’m in my twenties. That means I’m super wise.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Lol. YES. I would most certainly agree that you are super wise after reading this. 

      At the VERY young age of 31, haha, it is just now dawning on me that I really, really shouldn’t care about the periphery as long as those who know me best and love me know the truth. 

      That’s what counts. All day. Every day. 

  • http://www.nebynw.blogspot.com/ Sarah

    I can’t not show people how I feel. Sometimes I even like people in specific instances that I don’t really like normally. If I don’t really like someone my frustration shows, that or I’m really quiet (not to be confused with how I’m quiet in large groups because there’s a lot of people) because I don’t have anything nice to say. I pretty much avoid having any sort of conversation with them at all unless it’s absolutely necessary that I do.

    How you can really tell that I really-real like you is that I’d do pretty much anything for you. And I give you nicknames. And I tell you that I like you all the time. The last one might be a good indication. :)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’m going to start campaigning for a nickname.;)

      And, I totally know what you mean about liking people in specific instances, even feeling like maybe, just maybe we could even be friends, and then I go back to normal life and reality and realize I was obviously smoking crack without knowing it!

      • http://www.nebynw.blogspot.com/ Sarah

        Dude, you already have a nickname. :)

        And yes, I know all about smoking crack without knowing it. Figuratively of course! :)

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          figuratively….oh mmhmmm….big *wink* 

          jk. =) xoxo

  • http://ateatray.blogspot.com/ Nelly

    Sounds like a good and doable Monday Dare. I’d like to be more like this, as I’m sure my true feelings about people are obvious. Why do I even try to hide it? Sometimes I wonder if we fake it because it’s just easier that way. Maybe less energy is exerted when we fake.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I am often afraid of confrontation and will fake shit just so I don’t have to deal with confrontation. Totally less energy than, say, getting in a fist fight. =)

  • http://forwardsistheonlywayout.wordpress.com/ Lynellekw

    I’m nice to most people.  I tell myself it’s authentic because even if I don’t like them I usually do like maintaining a good working relationship with them and that’s more important than whether I like them or not.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You have the fine art of civility down pat. I need lessons. Or maybe, if we rub arms, it will just transfer by osmosis. 

      • http://forwardsistheonlywayout.wordpress.com/ Lynellekw

        Niceness: Maybe It’s Infectious.

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          Well, it’s better than catching an STD. 

          • http://forwardsistheonlywayout.wordpress.com/ Lynellekw

            Less itchy, for a start.

          • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

            LMAO x a million

  • Gooddayregularpeople

    Yeah. and Oh Yeah.

    That is a big step toward maturity. Realizing that just like you don’t care for someone, someone doesn’t care for you either.

    That one was a lightbulb moment for me. I thought, “man, how many years has it been me thinking “Me no likee” when they’re thinking the same about me.

    Yes, people don’t like me. They don’t. Just like I don’t like them. For whatever reason. And that’s life.

     

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      This lightbulb moment is going to save me so much angst in the future, I just know it. =)

  • Staci

    When I was in high school I was always worried whether someone liked me or not. My mom raised me with a “what will the nighbors think?” attitude.  I finally decided at 24 that the neighbors should mind their own damn business.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      AMEN. And again….AMMMMMMEEEEENNNNN.

  • http://twitter.com/brettminor Brett Minor

    I took me a while to learn. I never have been one to be mean to people and I still am not, but I have learned that I don’t have to stand there and tolerate people I can’t stand.

    I won’t be mean, but I will find away to not have to interact with that person anymore.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You are one step ahead of me. I still haven’t figured out how *not* to be mean. 

      I’m not sure I’m equipped with that delicate skill. I’m glad my friends like assholes. ;)

  • Ann

    It’s been years since I cared if someone liked me or not.  I do care if I like someone, if not I tend to stay away from them if possible.  After all my time is just too important to waste on people that I don’t like.

    My friend’s second wife didn’t like me and I told him.  She told him that she did and then continued to throw little insults at me whenever he couldn’t hear.  Unfortunately for her she was very bad at insults and it ended up just making me laugh at her.  Turns out the bitch was just jealous because her husband was in love with me, and she was gay.  Don’t really know what one has to do with the other, but that’s what she said.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OMG, I just didn’t even see that coming. 

      What a pickle. But hey, can you really help being fabulous and having men fall in love with you? I think not. 

  • http://xj2608.blogspot.com/ Are You Kidding Me?

    I’m with Missus Clark.  You don’t have to like people, you need only be civil.  In fact, once during a job interview, they asked what my coworkers would say about me.  My response was (seeing as they pretty  much all hated me), “Well, at the very least, they’d have to say I’m polite.”

    My boss is a fake-ass bitch.  Everyone wants to kill her.  Strangely, up until she was very busily twisting facts to suit her agenda, everyone thought she was just SOOOO NICE!!  I always knew she was fake, and I out-fake her on a regular basis.  But that’s only because I speak to her approximately once a week and it keeps her from making me into a target.  But, when you have to be fake to be polite, it’s an unfortunate situation.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      There are not enough polite people on this planet. It’s a lost art. I mean, I never lost it or anything cuz in order to lose something you have to possess it first. 

      I’m sorry that she’s such a fake ass bitch. Fortunately, what goes around comes around. Sometimes, that shit just takes a while. 

  • http://writingwishing.com/ Alison

    I’ve never been able to pretend to be nice. My eye twitches and my mouth wants to shout “Back off bitch/ asshole!”

    I do manage to contain myself most times and be civil. People just think I have a really twitchy eye.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Holy shit, I just found the explanation for my own eye twitch.

      And here I thought it was a magnesium deficiency.

  • Misty

    Ok, be honest. You wrote this post because of me, right? You are tired of faking your like of me and your nice responses to my crappy comments. It’s ok, you can admit it. I won’t cry. Much.

    I am actually pretty apparent in my dislike of people. I have a very expressive face that conveys exactly what I feel, if I’m not really trying to shut it down. There are people at my job that I just avoid and who know from my reactions to them that they are not my favorite person. I am not openly hostile or rude, but I don’t smile and nicey nice them. Ever. I just can’t do all that fake stuff.

    Good luck with this one. Try not to get arrested. But if you do, give me a call. I’ve got this, boo.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      *gasp* how did you know
      You is cray cray girl. =)

      So…..I’ll know pretty soon after we meet in August if you really-real like me is what you’re saying. I’ll just study your face really closely.

      • http://mistyslaws.wordpress.com/ Misty

        You won’t have to work that hard.  I promise that if we meet and I don’t like you, I’ll just punch you in the face.  Deal?
         
        I’m a giver like that, yo.

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          Sometimes, do you ever feel like you just give, give, give? ;)

  • http://www.adventuresfromamandaland.com/ Amanda

    I never was gifted with the ability to fake being nice to someone I couldn’t stand.  My face gives my opinion away every time.  However, I think my life has been more enjoyable b/c I haven’t had to keep up the facade.  Good luck with the new dare.  And if you fail miserably, peroxide gets blood out of clothes.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Nurses always have the best tips. =) I guess I have to start carrying a bottle of peroxide with me everywhere. 

  • http://twitter.com/Olsen_RM Rebecca

    I like it. Be nice to the peope that matter.

    I learned this the hard way…I was “friends” with a couple that sucked the energy out of me with their drama, I decided to distance myself because to be honest I don’t have the mental energy to deal with their BS.

    Once in a while one of them (they are married) will post a cryptic message on FB “Real friends…blablabla” you know the kind. I never answer (if you have something to say to me…say it to ME. I am not hard to find, you have my number, my email, my address).

    I have never been…lets say super nice, I am friendly-ish, not like my mom (my mom is Mother Theresa so really how can I compete?). I am more sarcastic and if the person doesn’t get sarcasm we are simply not going to get along.

    There are  moms at “the little gym” that I never talk to, I smile at them but I don’t waste my time pretending to be friends. I gravitate to funny people, the kind that can roll their eyes at the songs we have to sing in class.

    The kind that doesn’t sugar coat motherhood and pretend that everyday is rainbows and roses. It’s not and that is OK. I love my kid more than anything else in this world, I would take a bullet for her…but if I have to read “Where is my belly button” book one more time i will shoot myself.  (Not to worry, I have hidden the book…along with a few others)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Sometimes, I wish I had a baby, oh and maybe lived in AZ, so I could go to these little gym classes with you. Oh man, we would just crack the fuck up at the overly-serious moms and at the dumb songs. 

      Do you think they’d just let me rent-a-baby so we could hang?

      • Sweetsepgirl

        Ohhh Emmm Geeee Yes have a baby so we can go to class together!
        {Harv…let’s make this happen}

        In the meantime you can still go to class with me…I kid you not some moms have taken 6…that is SIX people, both sets of grandparents, one great grandparent and the dad (plus her and the kid)….are you kidding me?

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          I just showed this comment to Harv. 

          He laughed his ass off. 

  • RollerScrapper

    When we met you were hella nice, so hopefully if we ever meet again I will have the same pleasant experience.  If not I’m going to face push you into a dumpster :-P

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      LOL. That was genuine. Honestly, I don’t even know how anyone could NOT like you. Cuz then, I’d have to push THEM into a dumpster. 

  • http://www.cannibalisticnerd.com/ Carrie – Cannibalistic Nerd

    I believe in being civil, but as an introvert, I have to expend energy to be truly friendly, and like you, I’d much rather be friendly to people I truly like!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      As was evidenced as recently as last night, I am truly a socially awkward person and very shy…so being nice or civil or anything really is a large expense in energy for me too. 

      Reserved only for cool homies and homettes from now on. 

  • http://twitter.com/BrittanyandTahn Brittany

    This is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. How are you authentic when your very best friend introduces you to her brand new boyfriend – and you can tell from he’s not a good guy?

    But I do earnestly try to be truly kind and authentic always. 

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      OOOOOOO…..girl, I am going through this right at this very moment. I am truly not fond of my good gf’s man. He’s a loser. And she deserves better. But….whatcanyado? 

  • bonster

    I’ve always been really good at hiding how I feel and “playing nice.” Its infuriating and not so good for the blood pressure. Then there are the times when I am genuinely being sincere and kind and the other person (who is a self-centered so-and-so) thinks I am faking it – THAT – drives me insane.  

    Ever since I stopped working full-time, its SOOO much harder to play nice. I don’t have the time or the patience for it, especially since I’m not getting paid to get along with others.  There will always be a few in your life that you “have” to be nice to for the sake of family or its the “right” thing to do.  I always try to treat people the way I want to be treated and I’ll be the first to stick up for someone else, but if someone treats me, my family  or friends badly, nice is not the word I’d use to describe my reaction….

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Ha. My husband was telling me the other day how he thinks I should get a corporate job just once in my life so I know what it’s like to HAVE to be nice to someone because your job and livelihood depend on being civil and polite even when you feel like cutting a bitch.

  • http://www.living-authentically.com Bill-The Authentic Life

    Authentic, I like the sound of that!  I had several things going against me on my path to enlightentment, but I have overcome them and understand that I don’t need to like everyone, because everyone sure as hell doesn’t like me.  And that’s OK, because the ones that truly know me and like me are the greatest people on earth!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      WHO DOESN’T LIKE YOU BILL? Tell me their names. I gotchu covered. 

  • http://origunorig.blogspot.com/ Tanya Doyle

    Good for you!  This is how we all come into our own.  And then we eventually become one of those old ladies yelling at the inept cashier at the mall…lol

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I just saw one of these ladies at Trader Joe’s yesterday!

      How anyone can be cranky at a TJ’s is beyond me. 

  • chemegirljaime

    Good!!!  I follow the mantra of “not giving a fuck” .. you don’t like me? I don’t give a fuck. that  being said… I really hope you like me.

    heh

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I really-real like you. And, um, I totally give a fuck if you like me or not. =)

  • http://profiles.google.com/anysroad Annika Ziehen

    I actually think it is hard enough to be nice to the people I know and generally like. It keeps me busy enough usually…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      LOL. Ain’t that the truth.

  • Johi

    I think you are on the right path. I’ve never been really good at faking niceness. Like all those times that I looked in the eyes of all those people and said “I don’t like you”.
    But Elizabeth, I DO like you. And I would never push you in the face, unless you tried to drink my milk, because some things (like milk) aren’t for sharing. It’s just wrong…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’d hate to be on your bad side. 

      I mean, that’s not going to stop me from stealing your milk and your green suit, but still, I hope for the best.

  • http://inpursuitofhappiness.net/blog Miss Britt

    I think this sounds like a wonderful dare, and one I need to keep challenging myself with. I practice this in general, but it’s easy to fall back into “well, it’s networking” or “well, I SHOULD like them” or whatever.

    Yay for really-real. :)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Yep. Always the toughie for me is “well, I SHOULD like them” and if I don’t…well, that must be my own fault, so I try…but i always fail. 

  • http://onethousandwordsormore.com/ Megan

    Life is too short to waste precious energy on people you don’t like.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      HELL YEAH. SING IT.

  • http://twitter.com/noobdadcom Sedge

    Sorry, but the title was the hook for me.  Who can refuse a knife fight?  Gosh.

    It’s my goal in life to get into a brawl with a bear, just so I can use this hook:

    Bear Hands
    VS
    Bare Hands

    …You know, that and being able to tell women I killed a bear with my bare hands.  I’d get some for sure!

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Dude, if you kill a bear with bare hands, you deserve to get all the tail you can handle. 

  • http://twitter.com/OhNoaG Noa Gavin

    BUT WHYYYYYY. Why can’t everyone love everyone?! I know I love everyone ever and have never had bad thoughts or wishes towards anyone.

    And thus finishes the most disingenuous statement I have ever made. 

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      You had me fooled for a minute. My mouth dropped in horror. 

      *whew*

  • http://collectionsofthoughts.wordpress.com/ Beatriz

    I get what you mean, you shouldn’t have to pretend to like someone if you don’t like them. I guess I should practice a little more of that myself. I’m polite and listen to what people have to say, even when I don’t really care to hear what they say. I’ve never been able to break this habit. Although after some very crappy friends made my life hell last year, I’ve decided to practice  “being real” and letting people know how I really feel.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      When “friends” start crossing the line and making you rue the minute you woke up, it’s time to start gettin’ real and pushin some people away. Good for you.

  • http://aladyinfrance.com/ Lady Jennie

    Eh – life is too short for fake nice.  It’s either short pleasantries and ignore or warmth galore.  :-)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      For me, short pleasantries mean not pushing anyone in the face. I hope someone gives me credit for that someday.

  • Lolais40

    I just think everyone needs to play nice in the sandbox…even if we don’t really like each other. No need for outright aggression. That’s why I like the South. They do it right here. I’ve learned alot about polite society from these ladies. Smile at their faces and then when they walk away? Slash their fucking tires.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      It took me years before I realized what “bless your heart” really meant. The South has that nice shit down real good. 

  • alice

    i like you…for real.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      ditto. times a million.

  • http://yougotsars.com you gotsars!

    So this is the first time I haven’t read all the comments before submitting my own, but I am so feelin ya on this. I am a doormat, I wear a pasted on smile though I wear no makeup and I do all the things others request, putting myself after and then crying because I feel like shit.

    So girl.. I am still not biting the nails (put down the cocaine!). I will work on looking people in the eye and er walking away, rather than smiling politely and nodding and thinking of all the bad words my dad would have smacked me for. I will not look people in the eye smile and say look bitch, I got friends all over the world ready to shiv your ass so get the fuck out of my face. But that may make the transition easier…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      That’s why I take pride in being a gang member…knowing that, if needed, peoples from errrrrywhere will back me up….and that makes the transition from being a doormat to a hardcore truth-livin thug much, much easier. 

      I got yo back.

      • http://yougotsars.com you gotsars!

        and in the end, isn’t that what friendship really is? taking a shank for a bitch?

        • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

          oh YES…and of course bailing said offender out of jail afterwards

  • http://lazysubculturalgirl.wordpress.com/ Andi

    I know I don’t need everyone to like me.  However, I suffer a lot from feeling like NOONE likes me.  So I go through phases of being weird and antisocial because I’m convinced that people are just waiting for a chance to run over and spit gum in my hair.   

    Logic would suggest this is not in fact the case, but logic and my emotional center aren’t really on speaking terms.  Some days, I think I’m just staying around because one of my cats can’t sleep without smashing her face into my arm.  My purpose in life is a tabby pillow.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I feel this….like, every day. It makes me want to hide. Every day. All day. I stay around because I just want to make sure no one picks on my kid. That’s pretty much it. 

  • RandomHandprints

    aren’t you a southerner? doesn’t that make you have to automatically be nice to everyone? or is that just what my mom always told me?

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I only picked up bad southerner habits like eating too much damn butter and none of the good habits like manners. shit. 

  • Ruby Hall

    Holy shit! I have had exactly the same experience. Apparently I have a bitch face? I’ve now mastered excruciating politeness and meticulous etiquette while maintaining bitch face. I think this is how posh people express hate. This is literally like the best freaking blog I’ve come across in, like, forever by the way! 

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      I’m blushing right now. Which is extremely rare for us asian peeps. thanks for the kindness.

      I need to perfect my bitch face. Teach me your ways. 

  • danperezfilms

    When so many people are so dang stupid, it ain’t easy being nice. Just saying…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Amen, brotha. 

  • Shari Hoskins

    Princess here…I really need to take lessons from you…I am sometimes too nice and let others walk all over me…

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Well, I find that the first step is saying loudly, “Fuck no” whenever someone asks you for something. 

      it’s made a huge difference in my life. Yes, I have less friends, but that’s not the important thing here. 

  • http://thoughtsappear.wordpress.com/ thoughtsappear

    I wish I had read this at the beginning of the weekend. I took a knife to the shoulder…I think it’s going to leave a mark.

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      Damn. Knife wounds hurt. I mean, so I hear. On television. 

      Good thing it wasn’t to the face or anything. Don’t let nobody touch that moneymaker. 

  • http://www.goradde.com Goradde

    smile and don’t give a shit. repeat everyday. ;)

    • http://flourishinprogress.com/ Elizabeth-FlourishinProgress

      simple yet effective. i dig.