Hustle Hard Interview Project: Vanessa Selbst

HHpost
vs-news

To celebrate my 32nd birthday, I started the Hustle Hard Interview Project. Each month for the next year, I’ll be interviewing one Hustler who embodies a skill or a quality I admire. I hope to uncover some gems that bring me one step closer to being a fully-formed adult.

#4: FEARLESSNESS

I dare you to sit down to lunch with professional poker player, Vanessa Selbst, and then write about her without including the overused expression “one of the most fascinating people I have ever met.” I tried it myself, but the best variation I came up with was “one of the realest people I have ever met.” So you know what? Overused or not, I don’t care: Vanessa is one of the most fascinating people I have ever met.

I remind my 13-year-old daughter, Cal, to live fearlessly and to use her brain for good and not just for easy. To provide a strong voice for those who aren’t in a position to help themselves. And that being brave means living in a way that is honest and bold. Vanessa is the embodiment of these reminders.

At the age of 28, Vanessa is regarded as one of the best poker players in the world with nearly $5M in live tournament earnings (which doesn’t even include her online poker success). That alone is impressive, but add to that an undergraduate education from M.I.T. and Yale. Top it off with a law degree she earned from Yale in January 2012. The biggest accomplishment of my 20′s was making it through with all of my limbs intact and a mostly-functional liver.

EJL: It’s thrilling to know women who are unafraid to be themselves. Have you always been this fearless?

VS: Ever since I came out as a senior in high school, I realized people couldn’t make fun of me for who I was anymore because I owned it. If people didn’t like the fact that I was a lesbian, something wasn’t wrong with me, something was wrong with them. As an adult, I’m working on being even more honest with who I am. I’ve come a long way in becoming a person that I like more just by being able to admit my own faults. That’s made me more confident. How could I be comfortable being anyone else?

EJL: How has your family influenced your fearless attitude?

VS: I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by a family who is very supportive. It took me a while to break out of the “go to this school, get that job” treadmill. I was in the Fulbright Program, worked at McKinsey for a while, and then decided I wanted to pursue poker professionally. I don’t know that I could have done it without the support of my mom and my friends. My whole community has been really supportive.

EJL: You were already a successful poker player when you decided to go to law school. What made you decide to back to school?

VS: Even as an upper middle class white woman, I’ve been in situations where I’ve felt disempowered while trying to assert my rights. There are people who are harassed on a daily basis with no recourse. My law degree gives me the framework to address police misconduct and government abuse of authority, and to fight for racial justice and economic equality.

EJL: This makes me think of The Wire.

VS: As hyperrealistic as it is, when people watch The Wire, they still think they are just watching a show. I don’t know if they’re able to disconnect and ignore the references or get insight that the show is what it’s really like for some people.

EJL: I’m amazed that you were able to devote your time to two really big pursuits simultaneously. In 2010, you had the best year of your poker career, and because of your success in 2011, it was the second consecutive year you had over $1M in tournament winnings. I’m still working on patting my head and rubbing my stomach at the same time.

VS: I have a lot of things that I care about, and I couldn’t imagine being one-dimensional. I missed poker so much when I tried to take a break. I’m so lucky that I can do what I love.

EJL: It’s so lucky that you’re good at what you love.

VS: Social intuition helps a lot with poker. You get a sense of what other people are capable of, and I try to understand players to know their level of thought.

EJL: What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given, personal or professional?

VS: Always consider all your options. Think outside the box. Don’t be afraid to look stupid. I may have the award for looking stupid the most times on television, but I’m unafraid to make crazy plays. Put yourself in other people’s shoes. I used to be a lot more argumentative. Now, even when I disagree with people, I try to think about their motivations.

___

What a year it’s been. Looking back, I realized that I let fear and feelings of inadequacy control what I did and how I did it. Every year, I choose a word or phrase as a theme. For 2013, it’s:

2013theme

What would be your word or phrase for the New Year?

Connect on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page, on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress), and on Twitter (@ElizabethJLiu) for (t)hug life thoughts, photos of Poor Life Decisions, and other random shit.

Last week’s giveaway winner: Dennis (you have the number 81 in your email). Please email me at elizabeth at flourishinprogress dot com.

image of Vanessa Selbst: Micol Cortese

Monday Dare (& Giveaway): Big Things Poppin’

greatideas

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: Think big. Follow through.

I’m not bogged down by trivial factors such as time or money or skill or reality when I’m setting bold plans for the future.

Every year between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, I budget ten or so minutes each day to think about the upcoming year. I sit on the pristine hardwood floor of my meditation room in an organic hemp tunic and spritz a little lavender water into the air before I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. Then, I unwrap a preserved cherry blossom branch from virgin wool and trace my intentions for the New Year in the air. The words may be invisible to the eye, but they are engraved onto my soul.

I have no idea what I just wrote, but clearly, my make-believe skills are off the chain.

Do I look like someone who would shell out for organic clothing? I AIN’T ABOUT THAT LIFE. I just mute the TV during commercial breaks and scribble some shit on the back of a Cap’n Crunch box.

I ping pong between big lofty goals and smaller doable ones. (Sidenote: I just spent seven minutes rooting around on Google to figure out if “ping pong” needed a hyphen, but it was all very confusing, so I finally said fuck it and gave up.)

Last year, my list looked something like this:

  1. Become a kinder, gentler, more compassionate person.
  2. Be the kind of mom Cal deserves.
  3. Be the kind of wife Harv deserves.
  4. Treat my physical body with care by working out daily and eating healthier.

By New Year’s Eve, I had revised the list a little:

  1. Become a kinder, gentler, more compassionate person
    Stop referring to everyone as “bitch”
  2. Be the kind of mom Cal deserves
    Pick Cal up from school on time every day once in a while
  3. Be the kind of wife Harv deserves
    Quit threatening to set Harv’s electronics on fire when he brings home the wrong flavor of Sun Chips
  4. Treat my physical body with care by working out daily and eating healthier
    Drink less soda once a month season

I didn’t fulfill a single goal. Failure was an eye-opener for me this year. I figured out that it doesn’t really matter how low I set the bar if I don’t have follow-through. I plan to THINK BIG for 2013. And I intend to do whatever the fuck it takes to taste success. I assume this is going to require hard work. I hate hard work. I hate breaking a sweat. I hate cuffed shorts. That doesn’t really fit, but I’m pretty passionate about cuffs.

___

I FUCKING LOVE PRESENTS giveaway #6

I fucking love presents. Maybe you do too. To celebrate this holiday season, I’ll be doing a giveaway each week until the end of the year. Get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page and on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress) for giveaway updates, not-seen-on-this-blog pictures, (t)hug life thoughts, and other random shit.

This week: Whatever Your Little Heart Desires (Um, under $50)

youwant

There’s a high likelihood that you’re not going to get everything you want on your Holiday Wish List. I’m not trying to be a Debbie Downer. I’m just trying to look out for your fragile little heart when you open up a hand-knit mug cozy instead of that diamond necklace you wanted.

Welp, I’m not going to give you a diamond necklace either, but if you’ve got something lingering on your Wish List ,and it costs less than $50, and it’s easy to purchase online, and it’s an actual item (not a gift card), then it’s yours.

TO ENTER: Leave a comment below with a hope/wish/goal for 2013. Only comments left on THIS POST qualify.

LAST WEEK’S BESOTTED CUSTOM STAMP WINNER: Brittany Rae (the word “peace” is in your email address) please email me at elizabeth at flourishinprogress dot com with your mailing address.

first image via knockknockstuff.com

Monday Dare (& Giveaway): Even at the age of 7, I was an asshole

special.png

(A Monday Dare on a TUESDAY? MY BAD. I’m finally on WORDPRESS, motherfuckers. How do you like the new blog design? Old comments are still transferring over, but don’t worry, I GOT THIS.)

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. Click on the link to see the complete list of Monday Dares or to learn more about its origin.

This week: More contentment, more of the time

I find holiday gift exchanges daunting. Now that I’m thinking about it, let’s replace “daunting” with “mentally draining and traumatizing to the psyche.” White Elephant swaps require the most emotional preparation because I know I’m going to be opening up some bullshit that’s been rolling around in the bottom of a linen closet or a storm drain. Not only will I muster up an audible laugh to seem good-natured, but I’ll make some kind of gesture with my hand like a thumbs up or a gang sign to let people know I’m really embracing the silly side of the holiday season.

Even when the participants are supposed to bring “good” gifts, I always end up picking the one item in the communal pile that would make even Jesus cry. When will it be my year to take home the snowflake-shaped gylcerin soap set smelling faintly of pine and happiness instead of the rubber balls I’m supposed to hang off the bumper of a truck I don’t own? WHEN??

I try to temper my dissatisfaction and urge to acquire a whole new set of friends by thinking about Sophia.

The last time I saw Sophia, we were both 7. At the beginning of our second grade holiday party, all of the kids sat in a circle with the gift we brought for the exchange. Mrs. Tubb played a Christmas carol on her tape deck, and whatever was in our hands when the music stopped was ours. No swaps. No whining. I didn’t care who’s gift I got, but I didn’t want Sophia’s. She was the only one who had wrapped her box in newspaper. It was the Sunday Comics Section, but still, I just knew in my little asshole heart that it wasn’t going to be anything “good.”

While the other kids ripped open their gifts right there on the floor, I took my comic strip covered box back to my desk and peeled back one piece of tape at a time. Inside, I found a pair L.A. Gear leg warmers. Sophia walked over. “My grandma and I picked them out together. They’re so pretty.” When I didn’t respond, she went back to her desk and starting coloring with her gift, a brand new box of crayons. I heard her singing softly as I folded the leg warmers in half and stuffed them back into the box.

Sophia didn’t come back to Mrs. Tubb’s class after winter break. I never saw her again. I still wonder why she didn’t tell anyone she was moving. I wonder if she even knew herself.

My L.A. Gear leg warmers are still folded in half in my sock drawer. I think of Sophia often. I think about how content she was with her gift. I think about how some people are able to find joy in small everyday things. I think about how even now, at the age of 32, I could learn so much from that 7-year-old.

Sophia, you’re right. They are so pretty.

___

I FUCKING LOVE PRESENTS giveaway #5

I fucking love presents. Maybe you do too. To celebrate this holiday season, I’ll be doing a giveaway each week until the end of the year. Get connected on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page and on Instagram (username: flourishinprogress) for giveaway updates, not-posted-on-this-blog pictures, (t)hug life thoughts, and other random shit.

This week: Besotted Brand Custom Monogram Stamp

besotted2

 besotted

If I’m being real, I can’t even believe Tristan, the creative GENIUS behind Besotted Brand, agreed to be part of the holiday giveaways. Her custom stamps and paper products are some of my favorite things. I love fancy shit, and Besotted’s high quality everything makes it easy to give beautiful custom gifts to others…and to myself. Tristan will create one custom-designed monogram stamp for the lucky winner.

TO ENTER: Leave a comment below with a holiday gift exchange item you’ve given or received. (P.S. What do you think of the new blog design?) Only comments left on THIS POST qualify.

LAST WEEK’S TRILOGY WINNER: Steph (the first part of your email is SCYLE) Please email me at flourishinprogress at gmail dot com with your address.

first image via blueq.com, second and third images courtesy of Besotted Brand