Monday Dare: This urge overtakes everyone, yes?

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the full list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Refrain from thievery

One of the drawbacks of being able to shop again is that most things I want are so expensive, I just feel like stealing them.

I was at a fine shopping establishment over the weekend. It’s so fancy, I don’t want to make direct mention of it, but it begins with “N” and ends with “eiman Marcus.” I don’t normally go to that joint because I feel like every one of my moves is monitored and the sales people are the kind of classy I don’t even aspire to be anymore, but I had a gift card.

I spotted a pair of sequin shorts that were amazing and…sequined, which is the same thing as amazing so I guess I just repeated myself. But really, these shorts were so fantastic, I nearly lost my mind. Sadly, those bitches cost $345.

And since my gift card was for $50, I was trying to figure out a way to explain a $295 charge to Harv for a pair of shorts.

Then I thought about stealing them. For a full five minutes. Maybe I could make a mad dash for a side door. Maybe I could point at a nearby shopper and yell out “POOR PERSON!” to distract everyone. Instead, I ended up walking around the store, shorts in hand, looking for things to buy for $50. Let’s be real, $50 at said fancy-shmancy store is like having a 38 cent gift card anywhere else.

I spotted some chocolate bars. Awesome. I like my family…mostly…so maybe I should bring home a little treat. Then, I noticed that each bar cost something like $18 so I could really only buy 2, and I’d still have to steal a third if we were all going to be enjoying dessert after dinner.

I also thought about buying some lip balm, but apparently, if you replace the word “balm” with “salve,” you can charge $28 and it’s all good. I’m partial to my cherry Chap-Stick with its skin protectant/sunscreen SPF 4 for less than $2, so that didn’t seem like a good option either.

I walked out with my gift card still fully loaded and no new shorts. Because I believe in karma. And I’d probably get hit by a bus or, even worse, get some major new eye wrinkles.

Also, my bag wasn’t big enough.

Have you ever wanted something insanely expensive? What was it? Did you steal, I mean, buy it?
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