Archives for October 2011

Because everyone needs art

Remember when I bought the Gangstas and Hos banner a few weeks ago and then called myself an art collector because, clearly,

  • That banner is a work of art.
  • I have exquisite taste.
  • Harv is a lucky motherfucker to have such a classy wife.

Well, guess what? Now, you too can have a work of art hanging in your home.

Figs and Ginger has kindly agreed to give away a set of 12 letters. It doesn’t have to be Gangstas & Hos. The winner is free to pick. I would like to offer the following suggestions for your perusing pleasure:

  • I like nuggets
  • This home mine
  • Welcome bitch
  • Thieves go awa (because it’s only 12 letters, y’all)

To enter, just leave a comment below with your own 12-letter sayings. Don’t worry, Figs and Ginger won’t hold you to it, so you’re free to get gangsta if you wish. I’ll pick someone randomly and announce it on the Flourish in Progress Facebook page. If you haven’t already “liked” the page, you probably should, so you know if you won. Unless you’re psychic. Then I guess you’re fine.

UPDATE: I already announced a winner on Monday the 10th, but I’m giving away another set this Friday, October 14th, so keep posting the comments, peeps!

P.S. In case you see anything else you like on the Fig and Ginger site, you can use the code “flourishinprogress” during checkout for free shipping. I also want to mention that F&G didn’t pay me or give me any free shit to do this. I just like them.

Monday Dare: If you can’t spot the sucker…

Every week, I challenge myself to a Monday Dare. You can click on the link if you’d like to see the full list of Monday Dares or learn more about its origin.

This week: Don’t lose at poker. Again. 

When Harv asks a question, I usually have an answer. Sure, those questions sometime require extra explanation, like when he asked why there was perfume under our bed, and I rolled my eyes because, obviously, I put it there for protection against burglars. I then had to spend thirteen long minutes convincing him that perfume is equally as jarring as pepper spray when it gets in the eyes. Plus, I think it adds an element of class during a robbery.

Sadly, I’ve come across a few unanswerable questions in the past week:

  • How does it feel to have your ass handed to you by an eleven-year-old?
  • You want me to write out a chart of what hand beats what…again?

And perhaps the most puzzling:

  • Don’t you think your money would last longer if you balled up your dollar bills and threw them in the garbage can one by one?

I should really be packing my bags and running away from home instead of writing this because I now owe Harv and Cal something like seven million dollars. There’s been a lot of tension in our home lately. You know what comes between an eleven-year-old and the love she has for her mother? Gambling debt.

How did this happen? I watched Rounders FIVE TIMES.

I’ve enlisted the help of some professionals. I’ll be practicing on the down low all week long. I plan to casually challenge these coldhearted people I call my family to a friendly game this Sunday. These mofos don’t know how gangsta it’s about to get up in here.

Despite the best intentions and a lot of practice, has there been anything you’ve never quite gotten the hang of?
Are you a poker player? Any hints, tips, tricks?

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