blame others: lessons from the road

I’ve spent roughly a quarter of my time on planes, trains, and automobiles since the beginning of the year.

A lot of the traveling has been by myself. It’s taught me a few things:

I’ve learned it’s okay to talk to strangers. Then again, I’ve learned it’s not okay to talk to strangers. I think the ratio is something like: for every decent stranger, there are 2.8 galactically crazy ones out there.

When traveling alone, if a galactically crazy person starts a conversation with me, out-crazy him and scare him away. Talk about my time in prison for offing someone with the sharpened leg of a G.I. Joe. Or my experiences leading a double life- docile dental hygenist by day and slumlord/madame/gang member by night. This is my time to concoct ridiculous fantasyland-worthy material. Go buck wild. Get gangsta’.

It’s okay to pose for pictures alone in front of anything I deem interesting. Making the peace sign. Or wearing an assortment of exaggerated facial expressions. I’m Asian…it’s probably in my blood.

It’s better to sit next to someone sane on a plane. Also, if they’re good-looking and have fresh breath, it probably means that God loves me and I’m not slated for Hell that day. Conversely, if I sit next to someone who supplies the entire plane with a fragrant potpourri of farts and wants to talk about her love of handicapped animals, it means I need to start calling my mother more or volunteer to pick up litter along the highway. God’s Subtle Warning, I like to call it.

Watching The Price is Right will make me feel at home. Anywhere. Instantly.

In certain areas, Taco Bell is considered authentic Mexican cuisine.

I’ve learned never, ever (EVER, EVER) to put anything in hotel drawers as I’m unpacking. Because I will forget that shit. And the hotel will claim that it has not been found. And then I might get angry and ask them to look again.

See what I did there? I blamed the hotel for my forgetfulness. That’s also something I learned from traveling. Blame other people.

Just kidding. I swear.
What has traveling taught you? Share the good, the bad, and the ugly.

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