This week: Reflect on sobriety. Celebrate progress.
Harv recently claimed that I was a Ringleader of Debauchery. It’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to me.
While I’m flattered by my new title, it’s just one more reason to stop and examine the real root of all my vices. Sure, shopping was a big part of my past, but I’ve got to be honest with you…I’ve been addicted to a lot more than shopping.
I did a shit-ton of drugs. I’ve whored around. I’ve consumed more high-fructose corn syrup than I’d like to admit. I’m a recovering scrapbook-aholic. Drugs, men, food, shopping- the scenery is different, but it stems from the same place. An addictive personality.
I finally quit drugs after I accidentally smoked crack.
Out one night, I met a man who met my Winner Requirements. Short, acneic and sporting unkempt toenails, he was a man I needed to know. How brave of him to be in public with Tabasco on his Yankees jersey. What an absolutely fascinating man.
We talked for a few minutes. He told me about his cat. I told him about my love for puffed stickers with a dash of glitter. He asked if I would like to share a snow cone sometime.
He called me the next morning and said that while I wasn’t the prettiest girl he met the night before, he liked my hair, so he was giving me first dibs to hang out with him that evening. Son of a bitch was smooth.
I, of course, accepted the invitation.
We shared a snow cone. He asked if I like cocaine. I gave him the “Duh” face and then a hopeful nod. Cocaine was my drug of choice, and I couldn’t believe I was about to luck out on this date with half a snow cone AND drugs.
I went back to his dingy apartment. Instead of handing me a vial; he handed me a small, clear pipe. He asked if I had ever smoked cocaine before. I confessed that I hadn’t but that I was up for anything. Because, you know, I was cool.
Hours later, as I was gathering my sweater and my messenger bag to leave, he smirked and told me that I was the funniest crackhead he had ever known.
Wait, what? What’s this crackhead business? Too embarrassed to ask, I left his dirty apartment in a hurry, went around the corner and called my friend. “The kind of cocaine you smoke…what’s that called?”
“Crack.”
The revelation that I was doing something that I couldn’t even accurately name, with a man whose last name I didn’t even know, who was too cheap to buy me my own snow cone, filled me with shame and embarrassment and regret. It’s the last time I ever did drugs.
Tomorrow, I’m officially halfway through The Project. These last six months have given me a chance to reflect on the vices I’ve had and what a profound impact it’s made in my life to give each of them up.
What have you given up that’s led to a profound change in your life?
the comments today are truly inspirational. take a minute to leave one of your own or in support of another reader. y’all fucking rock.
image via blueq.com
