Monday Dare: i hope jail beds are comfortable

Every Monday, I’m picking from the List of Things to Do, Places to Go, Possible Acts that Help, and Possible Fun to Have. It’s a list I made before The Project started, and I’m still adding to it. If you have suggestions, please feel free to throw them my way. I’m calling the list my Monday Dares, as I get overwhelmed just looking at the words “challenge” or “goal.”

This week: Don’t be passive. Don’t be passive-aggressive. Just be aggressive. 

In case there’s been any confusion, I just want to get one thing clear.

I speak English.

I mean, not the real good kind that teachers and parole officers use, but I know enough to get by. Especially at Cracker Barrel. Show me a Cracker Barrel menu, and I will show you a woman who can perfectly pronounce and utilize at least 32 different phrases…as long as they start with with the word “country.”

Never been to Cracker Barrel Old Country Store? That’s okay. Just order the Country Dinner of Country Ham or Country Fried Steak with two Country Vegetables (I would recommend the Country Green Beans). Watching your waist? Then, the Country Chef Salad is right for you. Vegetarian? Then, order the Country Vegetable Platter.

Too bad the woman in line behind me at Bed, Bath & Beyond last week didn’t ask about Cracker Barrel.

Perhaps I was a tad preoccupied with the merchandise near the register while waiting to pay for my humidifier replacement cartridge-
Oh snap, a ring holder shaped like a cat’s tail? Genius!
PedEgg comes in pink now? Oh no they didn’t!
Snuggies for dogs? Hallelujah!

I didn’t hear the woman mumbling behind me. Clearly, this made her angry. She came into my periphery and asked, “Hello, do you speak English? I was asking you a question.”

Staring ahead, I said nothing.

This pissed her off even more. She turned to a woman in the next line and whispered loudly, “I don’t think she speaks English.”

Still, I said nothing.

I said nothing because I hate confrontation. I said nothing because I didn’t have a clever retort. I said nothing because I’ve been teaching Cal to be mindful even when others are behaving badly and to not engage, if possible.

Fuck it. This week, I will speak my mind, even if it leads to a throwdown. Please start saving for my bail. And some band-aids. And some corn nuts. They soothe my soul.
picture via wildemoon shop

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