Monday Dare: Excellence in Wifery

Every Monday, I’m picking from the List of Things to Do, Places to Go, Possible Acts that Help and Possible Fun to Have. It’s a list I made before The Projectstarted and I’m still adding to it. If you have suggestions, please, feel free to throw them my way. I’m calling the list my Monday Dares, as I get overwhelmed just looking at the words “challenge” or “goal.”

This week: Let bygones be bygones.

Harv and I often spend Saturday afternoons running errands. Glamorous, I know.

One Saturday, we needed to hit several stores, so we carpooled to a large shopping center. He dropped me off at Target and then made his way to Best Buy.

Ninety minutes later, I got worried. Sure, it’s never a good idea to leave me unattended at Target (dammit, Harv, of course we need this avocado slicer), but the real test of our bank account is Harv inside a Best Buy.

I decided to give him a call. After a few attempts, he finally picked up the phone. He sounded a little preoccupied and asked if I could pick up dinner on the way home.

Me: I’m still at Target.

Harv: ……

Me: Hello?

Harv: I forgot that I dropped you off. I came back home to play my new video game.

It’s a good thing I woke up right then. It was a dream, but I was pissed. And, I’m still pissed.

So now, any time we go anywhere, I always part ways with a little warning.

Me: You’d better not leave me at *fill in the blank*, you jerk.

Harv: (sigh) I’m not really sure how to defend myself for something that happened in your dream, but come on, I bet it was World of Warcraft.

Me: Don’t try to weasel your way out of this. I’m still pissed and I’m not done punishing you.

I’m starting the new year fresh. Harv, I forgive you for leaving me at the store.
A big “Thank You for all of the Monday Dare suggestions y’all have sent. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be able to fit “waitress at the local nudie bar” or “become penpals with a prisoner” into The Project.

A link to all of my previous Monday Dares is here, or you can just click the Monday Dare tab on the side bar.

Please leave some less fucked up other suggestions below. I have 4 slots left on my List of Monday Dares. If I use yours and it wasn’t previously on my list, I’ll give you credit and link to your site. I’ll also send you a $30 gift certificate of your choosing, as long as I can email or snail mail it to you fairly easily.  Don’t make me go to an obscure store in New Hampshire to buy it for you, folks.
photo via FranticMeerkat @

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  • Miranda Kaye

    World of Warcraft I dont get, but if it was Call of Duty Black Ops I would have understood :P. Glad it was only a dream.

  • Marinka

    I don’t understand this “how can I defend myself against something that I did in your dream” nonsense. Ever heard of the Dream Team, Harv?


  • Karen@OneStrangeChick

    Monday dare: Go to Target with a list of stuff to buy, and DON’T BUY ONE SINGLE THING NOT ON THE LIST. Not even a pack of gum, or a lip gloss, or an avacado slicer. Nada.

  • Audubon Ron

    I sent you a suggestion via email. A wonderful artist and good friend of mine is coming your way soon. A great concert. Many blessings in the New year.

  • Kelly @ City Mom

    This has happened to me before. Where I feel mad at my husband for something he did to me in a dream. From their point-of-view it does sound a little crazy, but from ours…well we have every right!

  • Karen

    Monday Dare: Join the Polar Bear Club…?

  • Jennifer Clark

    My treasure of a husband has been a complete rat-bastard to me any number of times in my dreams. I find it takes most of the day to separate the feelings of hurt/anger generated by the dream from reality on the ground. Poor man; I have anxiety dreams and then punish him for my issues. He’s always very sweet about reassuring me. I’m glad you’ve decided to forgive Harv. Though, flowers would still be nice.

  • TheBabyMammaChronicles

    Haha, that sounds like something that could happen to Todd and I :) If I think of a worthy dare I will let you know!

  • Kernut the Blond

    Too funny!

    Ok I’ve got four from my own list – feel free to use any or all:

    Learn to Sing Opera
    Learn Ballroom Dancing
    Learn to Play the Piano
    Learn to Play Golf (take lessons)

    These count as “enrichment classes”, right?

  • Anonymous

    Do you have a list of “dares” posted on the blog somewhere?

  • areyoukiddingme

    I feel very fortunate that I rarely remember my dreams. I’m usually irritated enough by my husband when I’m awake – if you added sleep time, I’d never calm down! But it is nice of you to forgive him for his dream transgressions.

    Do you have a list of the dares you’ve already completed? My short and long term memory are pretty well shot, so while I can tell you that the capital of Ghana is Accra (maybe – things in Africa tend to be a little unstable), I can’t tell you what I did last week. I suggest taking all your excess stuff to Goodwill/Salvation Army/charitable resale shop of your choice. That sounds like a two-parter, though – one week to determine what’s excess (say, some of your daughter’s books, since she just got a crapload of new ones) and one week to photograph it and document it for tax write-offs and then haul it over. But maybe you’ve done that already?

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    miranda- sigh. yeah, Call of Duty Black Ops is the bane of my existence, too. =)

    marinka- men. seriously….sheesh.

    karen6thsis- they have to be do-able. Ha! If I fail, I’m going to come crying to you.

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    audubon-thanks for the email…will email you back today. i’m seriously considering going. Many blessings you you, my good man!

    citymom- to.ta.lly! dream crimes are the best…they don’t even know what they did, but they know you’re pissed and it’s scary.

    karenRFRF-i googled this. it says i have to live in Coney Island or Long Island, NY. Shucks, lost opportunities.=)

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    Jennifer- Flowers! I just told him he better have a bouquet when he comes home. God, I love your genius ways.

    babymamma- please! i know you’d throw a good one my way.

    kernut- brilliant suggestions. I’m actually going to do one of these. I haven’t decided yet. Whichever causes the least amount of damage to my surroundings and the least amount of pain to my body.

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    anonymous- i don’t. great idea, though. i’ll get crackin on that and make a list. it’s like you’re my boss or something. i’d like a raise, please.

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    areyoukidding- EXCELLENT idea. thank you. this one’s a keeper and i’ll definitely put it on my list. i don’t have a full list of my Monday Dares so far on the blog, but since anonymous and you have suggested this, I am making one for the new year.

  • Staci

    Can you learn a new language or immerse yourself in another culture? Since I already speak spanish, I have been trying to learn Korean. I only know the basics right now. I’m also going to celebrate chinese new year with a coworker.
    You could also try a new simple recipe every Monday. You do have a fire extinguisher right? ;-) Luv ya!

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    staci- right on! i wish i had paid attention when my mom sent me to Korean school FOR YEARS when I was a kid. I just used that time to flirt with the boys and throw stuff at the teachers. I guess it kinda serves me right that I can’t read or write Korean as well as I would like. We have a fire extinguisher. More importantly, does my family have Pepto?


    So far this weekend, Adrian has neglected to tell our family that we were arriving at 3 am, not notified our friends (traveling with a 2 year old) that a pack and play crib was available at the house, and not notified me of an imminent danger of falling luggage that fucked up my knee.

    Bygones are tough today, friend.

  • Annie P. – Get the Frump Out of Your Rump

    Awesome post, Elizabeth. I have completely had dreams like that. In fact, let’s give ex-boyfriend a name… Let’s call him Thomas. and I’d wake up and say “I had a horrible dream!” He would say, “Was it an Evil Thomas dream?!” yes… yes… it unfortunately was..

  • Sara @ Domestically Challenged

    Well, I’ve punched Corey for a dream sequence. It felt good, dream or not.

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    noa- that adrian. maybe he’s showing signs of “tired husband syndrome” already. I know Harv is. do you think they need to form some sort of support group?

    annie- then did he offer an arm to pitch so you could exorcise the negative emotions about evil Thomas? Cause that’s really the only right thing to do.

    sara-husband abuse is always the answer. especially when husbands screw up in dreams.

  • Tracy

    LOL. I give my hubby sh1t for what he does in my dreams also….well he shouldn;t do them should he, lol.

  • Stella

    You crack me up.
    I’m sorry to say this, but I really wish that did happen because you and Harv would officially become my favorite couple. I have no dares for you yet but will have a think over the break ;P

  • Amanda

    Ok, this may be a little tacky, but it pertains to my freaky dreams. Back when I was first married and freshly out of nursing school, I would get a little nervous. I’d bring this anxiety home, but not talk about it with anyone. So I had some issues with putting a catheter in a man. The next time I had a night off, I slept at home, in the marital bed. Ed woke up in the middle of the night, thinking I was getting really frisky. I wasn’t. I wasn’t even awake. I was prepping him to get a catheter. That wasn’t the last time he woke up to me doing something really weird in my sleep.

    I may overshare a bit when I’ve been drinking.

    On a completely different note, have you thought about running a marathon or half marathon?

  • theresa k

    hah! world of warcraft….of course. glad he didn’t actually leave you there, though best buy has taken many a guy away. loving this. xoxo TK

  • jenfromboston

    After a post-work evening of hitting the pubs (pretty hard), I called my then b/f (now husband) whom I lived with on my cell. A woman picked up. I was all “???” and hung up. Seriously sauced, I say to my girlfriend, kinda faux-outraged (because I know he’s the most decent man) “Oh my God, that was his IRISH MISTRESS who answered!” And I am pretty sure there wasn’t a brogue in play, so not sure where the Irish came from. So I was off on the whole Irish Mistres rant and all the drunk indignation I could muster.

    My less drunk partner in crime was like, “ORRRR…or…you know, you dialed the wrong number.”

    Oh. Right. That. That’s a possibility.

    So now we have this thing about his Irish Mistress.

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    tracy- hopefully giving him shit in real life will help his dream self learn to behave a little.

    stella- favorite couple or favorite couple to make fun of?

    amanda- HAHAHAHA! This is priceless. Or maybe disturbing. Pricelessly disturbing? Disturbingly priceless? I just ran a marathon in March. It kind of sucked. In the best way possible.

  • thepositiveexperiment

    I love to hold dream grudges. Again, maybe and shared Liz + Asian girl thing?

    Maybe you should try this geocaching thing out. I want to. Basically it’s a treasure hunt. YEAH. PLUS… wait for it… IT’S FREE

    “Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. Geocaching is enjoyed by people from all age groups, with a strong sense of community and support for the environment. Search for a geocache below or learn more about getting started.”

    do it.

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    TK- there are some guys worth leaving at best buy. it’s a great place to leave a guy and never pick him up again. modern day break up spot?

    jen-that Irish lass sure is scandalous for picking up your man’s phone then putting a spell on you to make you think you dialed the wrong number. Or, I guess maybe you dialed the wrong number. I think #1 is much more logical though. Magical spells are real. okay, done being crazy for the day.

    positiveexperiment- EXCELLENT idea. should we attempt this together? except, don’t make me drive (bad at that) or read maps (bad at that) or think through clues (really bad at that). you know what, maybe don’t go with me. yeah, that could be a sad experience for you.

  • Jill

    The dream is an interpretation of something weighing on your mind. Perhaps you don’t trust Harv to be reliable, in which case, you have every right to be angry ;)

  • Penelope

    Hahahaha, awesome. “I’m not sure how to defend myself for something that happened in your dream.” He sounds like a really great man. :)

  • MOV

    The dream thing: dreamt The Husband was having a not-so-secret affair with Gwyneth Paltrow. Then it turned out to be true! (A dream within a dream, natch). Woke up and punched him.
    As for your Monday dares: maybe it’s because I just finished reading the New-Age-y “Power of Now”, maybe it’s because I just really want you to mention my blog, but here goes– I dare you to spend an entire day living in the NOW, not once ever thinking about anything in the past nor letting your mind drift to the future. Just think RIGHT NOW. I dare ya. (Let me know how it goes!)
    (ooh, got my link in anyway even if you don’t pick my dare!)

  • RollerScrapper

    I had a dream like that in college. The editor of the school newspaper lived in my dorm. In my dream it was all old timey and set in the 1930s. I wanted a job as a writer and he said “you’ll never make it in this town kid”. I awoke and even felt anger towards him the next time I saw him! How could 1930s dream him not believe in the advancement of women in the workplace! Strangely it is one of the few dreams I actually remember! I was trying to think of a dare, how about dumpster diving…lol

  • Dragulska

    Just started following you recently so not sure if this is already on your list, but how about a gourmet meal for Harv(made by you of course LOL) as a Monday dare? are you up to the challenge? :)

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    jill- thanks for the excellent food for thought! i do sometimes see a connection between real life and the dream world although the thought manifests itself in weird ways in the dream. a long time ago, i was worried about a final exam and i had a dream that i showed up to take the test naked. awesome.

    penelope- lol, a good man and definitely a patient one.

    mov- nice.

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    roller-i would totally do that!! im fascinated by people who find “treasure” that way. GOOD one. that dream is hilarious….and sad. i hope you gave him the stink eye when you saw him in real life.

    dragulska- a friend and fellow blogger, Jennifer Clark ( is teaching me to cook in February. I will let you know how it goes. =)

  • Dead Cow GIrl

    My husband would totally do that in real life while playing scrabble on his iphone.

    That’s why he doesn’t get the keys.

  • RollerScrapper

    You know I totally gave him the stinkeye! I also never spoke to him again…oh wait I don’t think I ever really spoke to him before, b/c we didn’t know each other, we just lived in the same dorm….lol!

    I’m throwing down the gauntlet, come down to San Diego and I will go to “D-Mart” with you!

  • theresa

    yo, so i’m back from my trip out of town and catching up.

    the entire time i was gone, i had dreams that huz was doing fucked up things every day, like listening to music and reminiscing about his exes (?? i don’t know what’s wrong with me either). and as a young clubgoer, i used to have the same anxiety about my friends leaving me at a bar.

    also, you totally inspired me to start my own happiness project for 2011.

  • Karen

    Make friends with the pumpkin queen/Christmas decorating neighbor. Bwhahahahahahahaha!

  • Karen

    Practice Yoga, every morning, and see what it makes your body and mind feel like.

  • Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    deadcowgirl-lol, good thinking. seriously, that words with friends has done many a relationship in.

    roller- i’m totally taking you up on your invitation. chill some two buck chuck. p.s. sending you an email today.=)

    theresa- love you! i think the only thing i inspired you to do was drink more and wear shorter outfits.

    karen-you’re just chock full of ’em, aren’t you.=)

  • Michelle

    How about make a new recipe every night for a week. And keep the total cost per recipe under $10. Or, for fun, since you are in LA, how about a fun day at Balboa Island one weekend? Complete with Balboa Bars and a stop at Charlie’s Chili in Newport. Or maybe a beach tour and overnight somewhere?

  • AKathy

    I dare you to give up Two Peas for a week. No looking and no posting :)

  • Morellis Cupcake (Karin)

    My offer for a Monday challenge is to do a nice thing for someone with no expectation of being thanked. Pay for coffee for the person behind you in the drive through for example. Or free? At lunch one day a man passed a napkin to me that said my smile was beautiful. No hitting on me, no expectation, just a compliment. You never know when someone will need a little pick me up, and even though I’m crabby a lot of days, I try to remember the little things that made me happy and I move them forward. That sounds so Goody Two Shoes, I know, but it’s surprisngly fun to do. :) Happy New Year!

  • Stephanie

    take a kazoo to a Friday night karaoke bar.
    Proceed to play the Babysitting blues ala “Adventures in Babysitting” make 2 of your funnest girlfriends sing backup.

  • Rita

    Check out a book on dreams from the library and read it.

    I’ve had dream grudges before. DH is patient.

  • Anonymous

    Buy a pair of funky/fun/silly/silky socks for every day of the week and wear a new pair each day. Right now, they’re all on sale for cheap. And I know this sounds silly? But sometimes, you can just glance down at your feets and smile. I love mine. I have a whole collection of them. Kohls, Old Navy, .. tons of stores have them cheap! Something goofy like cool mismatched socks just makes you feel good. I have no clue why, but it works. I even have 2 of my girlfriends doing it. :) dalayney

  • Anonymous

    Wait. LOL. was this supposed to be anything BUT shopping? LMAO…. oops. :)


  • debbie susee

    Do a random act of kindness each day for a total stranger.
    Leave love notes around the house for your family to discover.

  • Alicia

    Dare suggestions:
    – Go to a movie alone.
    – Treat yourself to a new outfit.
    – Try a new recipe for dinner every night for a week.
    – Rent a foreign film.
    – Pay for the person behind you at the coffee shop.
    -Have dessert for dinner one night.

  • Hoskins Family

    My dd has been having some weird symptoms, someone suggested a gluten free diet for her for a few weeks. So I am doing it with her to be supportive. So that’s my challenge…be gluten free for your dare. Good Luck on whatever you choose!

  • Antuanette

    I have a suggestion that will not only last on Monday, but forever. Get out the camera for day or a week and just take photos of everything. Your home, your family ( with the bed hair and bags under the eyes) your friends, and the things you do. Chronicle a day or week in your life with photos and make a quick shutterfly book!

  • Antuanette

    One more idea…decorate or buy a pretty shoe box and make a memorabilia box. Toss in ticket stubs, receipts, small found objects, little toys, old keys and keychains and whatever else you can find around the house.

    Or make what I had as a child… A knick knack box. A small box full of those small vending machine toys, my favorite small things, pins and matchbox cars.

  • JoNell

    Go to a karaoke bar and sing the Monchhichi song. I dare you. ;-) LMAO!

    Happy New Year!!

  • diana

    Hold off from entering the grocery store for one extra week and live off the food you have left in your pantry.

  • April M

    I really love your blog! I think you should use public transportation for a week. You’ll meet some interesting people.
    Your dream story reminded me of a real life nightmare when I made my husband return a jacket to Costco. The cashier told me the jacket wasn’t purchased at Costco. After *intense discussion* I realized he brought the wrong jacket. Did I apologize? No, I dissed him to her for bringing the wrong jacket. Unfortunately he was behind me when I said it. I apologized daily for a month.

  • scrappysurfer

    Do a flash mob! You will have to recruit a few friends, but pick a spot, maybe a town square or a mall food court or the airport, and break into song or dance. Maybe a line dance, so you can get unsuspecting bystanders to join in on the fun.

  • Disneypal

    Do a random act of kindness every day for a week. For example, baby sit a friend’s child for free, donate time at a pet shelter, pay for the person behind you in the drive thru line or toll booth, etc.

  • No New is Good News

    This reminded me of recent post on happiness project. ‘Try a week of extreme nice’, she describes trying it with her husband. Sounds funny, useful, and hard :)
    Happy New Year!

  • Stacie Hoffman

    Loving your blog! Just thought of a fun cute Monday Dare for you. My daughter is always begging to ride the little car in the store, and sometimes I don’t have quarters! Wouldn’t it be fun to bring a role of quarters to the store, and keep putting quarters in the slots? The looks of excitement on the kids faces would be pricless, and it would make the moms so thank ful too!

  • lovely113z

    floss daily

  • Kendahl, Stepmom Extraordinaire

    Can I tell you how many times I’ve woken up pissed as hell at the Husband for something he did in my dream? Hundreds, easily.