11.06.10

y’all, Jesus did this

Telling nothing but the truth is exhausting and tedious. There is a strong chance that I have three less friends today than I did on Monday. This week, I was planning to chronicle each day’s adventures in a detailed post. I enjoy sharing the pain. It’s the giver in me. That didn’t happen. Unfortunately, an issue completely overshadowed my glorious experiment.

The issue: Jesus.

By Tuesday, I was ready to quit. I called Harv to get a little support and to tell him that no matter what, I was sticking it out for the rest of the week.

Me: I think Jesus is mad at me.

Harv: Jesus?

Me: He planted this idea in my head to teach me a lesson. It’s backfiring.

Harv: What does Jesus have to do with anything?

(Men are so dense.)

Me: Jesus told the truth. Now, I’m telling the truth. Hello?! Totally connected.

Harv: Are you going to talk about this on your blog? I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about Jesus. Religion is a sensitive issue.

Me: Religion? I’m just talking about Jesus trying to teach me a lesson. How do those two things relate at all??

He stayed silent for a minute. I think he realized that I was right. I can’t help being right all the time. I feel bad. I should let Harv win sometimes.

Every day, right as I was about to recount my Jesus-inspired misadventures in truth-telling, Harv rolled his eyes. He said he was being socially conscious. I think he was just being a know-it-all. I got waylaid by Jesus Harv and it really took the glory away from all that tiresome honesty.
Truth-telling: I don’t recommend it. Lie, people, lie.
photo via blueq.com
November 6, 2010

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  • http://dsilkotch.wordpress.com/ dsilkotch

    1. I’m often amazed at how little religion has to do with Jesus.

    2. I’m a pathological truth-teller (probably because I’ve never been able to lie convincingly) (and also because I would always rather hear the truth than a lie, and Jesus says we should treat others the way we want to be treated), and I feel your pain. Honesty is seriously fraught.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00830185588772632040 Heather Ales

    Love it! I FB’d this post!!!

    Oh… and I’m with you both. Honesty is fraught!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07969357513275063157 Amy

    Taking Jesus at His word can definitely get you in some trouble.

    Can’t wait to read about how your week went!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16107214079237461141 areyoukiddingme

    What are you talking about? Jesus was always making stuff up. They’re called parables…

  • http://dsilkotch.wordpress.com/ dsilkotch

    I make stuff up all the time too, it’s called writing fiction. Lying is different. I’m not trying to deceive anyone with my stories, or pass them off as fact. Creativity and dishonesty are two totally different things.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06471450359666416290 smile steady

    Hahaha… I love this. And that parables comment is pretty funny, too!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06432397460041356445 Jennifer Clark

    Did anyone else go here?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugZq9hiuCJo

    “Jesus, he knows me, and he knows I’m right!”

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17210832629299621129 TheBabyMammaChronicles

    I know right?! Super sad but true. Except to friends, then brutal honesty is required :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    dsilkotch- Ha! I love that…”Honesty is seriously fraught.” That’s coffee mug worthy. And, I think I’m going to label myself as “creative.” =)

    heather- thanks for the support! 5 days and counting! are you packed yet?

    amy- seriously. maybe i should just twist the words to fit accordingly. that would make me an awesome christian.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    areyoukiddingme- ha! right on.

    smilesteady- welcome! glad to have you.

    jennifer- this was way funny. i made my husband watch it.

    babymamma- yep, except if they ask if i think their kids are awesome…the answer is always, always “yes”

  • http://www.bugginword.com/ Elly Lou

    Honesty sucks balls and then pretends it liked it. So wait, I just called Honesty a liar. And I said “balls” in response to a post about Jesus. Know what? I’m going to go cower under my bed and try again tomorrow.

  • http://www.eatingstumptown.com/ Mary Sue

    Haha Elly Lou!

    I am so curious about your week, Elizabeth! Jesus may be a little mad at you. Maybe the lesson you are supposed to learn is to tell the truth, except when it comes to this person, this person, and that one. Then, lying is best.

  • http://justmakingconvo.com/ justmakingconvo.com

    Of course you can’t help being right all the time. It’s all people like us know.

    I am the worst liar ever. I lie about the stupidest things, then a few weeks later I’ll say something like, “Remember when I said that thing about my cousin being born with an extra nipple? Well, I totally lied.”

    This post is just another reason why I revere your blog. (And I’m not lying. I swear.)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    Elly Lou- Today is Sunday. Jesus is mad. That’s all I got for you.

    Mary Sue- if ever a week taught me selective truth-telling, it was this week

    justmakingconvo- you’re probably not the person to take along on a crime spree. just sayin’

  • http://justmakingconvo.com/ justmakingconvo.com

    Fine. Be that way.

    See if I ever show you pictures of my cousin’s extra nipple.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    third nipple?

    wait…i take back what i said.

    now show me the pictures.

  • http://dsilkotch.wordpress.com/ dsilkotch

    Elizabeth, I looked up the official definition to put in your comments, but it was all confusing and weird. It was like, “(of a situation or course of action) filled with or destined to result in (something undesirable)…blah blah…” What does that even mean?

    Your birthday resolution was the same as one of my 2010 New Year’s resolutions, but I only made it for 48 days before flunking out. I’m going to try again in 2011, and meanwhile I’ll be here cheering you on!

  • http://ohnoa.com/ ohnoa.com

    Isn’t it funny how you lie in real life, but are brutally honest blogging?

    Not funny, no, but I’ve noticed this in my own life.

    PS-Jesus will be watching over us in Vegas.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    dsilkotch- a. you confused me, and it hurt, but i forgive you.
    b. 48 days is awesome. please, please keep me posted when you try it again next year

    noa- seriously weird! imagine doing it for one week on the blog AND in real life. *teetering on alcoholism*