…like your family is any better

Cal loves to hang out with my brother, Marshall. Yesterday, he picked her up from school and they spent a few glorious hours browsing the local bookstore.

She made a beeline for her closet as soon as she came home.

Me: What are you looking for?

Cal: Uncle Marshall says I need a go bag.

Me: A gold bag?

Cal: A Go bag. With food and water and a flashlight and stuff.

Me: In case of an earthquake?

Cal: No, for the zombie attack.

(…the fuck?!)

Me: I don’t think you need to worry about that, sweetie.

Cal: Uncle Marshall showed me how to lie still with my eyes open so the zombies think I’m dead.

Me: …….

Cal: He asked me if you have good aim.

Well, I guess that opens up a spot at our Thanksgiving table. Anybody want to take Uncle Marshall’s place?
Update: I discussed the incident with Harv. The only thing he had to say-

“Who do you think has it harder? Me or your brother?
Probably me. At least your brother gets to go home.”

It’s pretty clear Harv worships me.
Anything you heard as a kid you want to share?

photo via blueq.com

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  • http://sophieredhead.wordpress.com/ sophie

    I remember seeing a gender neutral person walking down the street one day. I asked my father if it was a girl or a boy. He replied, “If you can’t tell, it doesn’t matter.” Not as bad as zombies, but not necessarily meant to last a lifetime.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16107214079237461141 areyoukiddingme

    Nice! I like Uncle Marshall. He can come to Thanksgiving at my house…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00830185588772632040 Heather Ales


  • http://dsilkotch.wordpress.com/ Dsilkotch

    You scoff now, but just wait till the Zombie Apocalypse comes and Uncle Marshall’s got all the shotguns and handy survival tips! THEN you’ll be all, “Come on, Cal, what else did he say? Did he mention how to make explosive grenades out of common household substances? THINK!”

  • Kristyn

    No but I’ll share what my darling daughter told ME the other day. I made the mistake of walking in front of her naked, and when she saw my butt she said, “mommy, you’re all raisin-dy!”. She was referring to my cellulite!!! SIGH

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14093567551506518036 Lindsay

    Hahah! It’s so funny the things kids hear and they believe. Poor girl! Good thing you caught on and could set the record straight!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14258891696397242203 Staci

    When I was little, my sister told me that monsters eat children’s toes. It could have been 110 degrees and I’d still sleep with my feet inside the covers. Still do…

  • Corrine

    ME! ME! I want to take Uncle Marshall’s place…and I promise no talk of zombies! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17210832629299621129 TheBabyMammaChronicles

    At least he’s original! My uncle just always threatened to fart in my face … awesome!

  • http://justmakingconvo.com/ bschooled


    So, do you have good aim?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    sophie- stuff like this makes me want to hear other “gems” he had.=) feel like sharing any more?

    areyoukiddingme- just email me your address and the time you want him there. he can also bring the dessert.

    heather- hilarious…..or disturbing? =)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    dsilkotch- ha! i shoulda known you’d be the one to stick up for Marshall. =) i referred him to your amazing writing about all the things he loves. i’ll have to ask him how he’s enjoying it when i start speaking to him again.

    kristyn- oh girl, show me one woman without cellulite and i’ll show you a mannequin

    lindsay- i must admit, though, that i’m throroughly impressed with her “dead” impression

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    staci- this give you total permission to play the best and craziest april fool’s joke on her ever

    corrine-hell yeah, come over.

    khara- hahahahaha. why do you get to have such an awesome uncle?

    bschooled- sometimes, when i am eating, my fork misses my mouth completely. so, yes, i have incredible aim

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06432397460041356445 Jennifer Clark

    Phhffft! I bet you don’t believe in the Closet Monster, either! You’ll find out the hard way, I guess…..

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05134348512629558645 Amanda

    Uncle Marshall would fit in perfectly at our house!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12574615742310337050 Kernut the Blond

    Uncle Marshall should just assimilate and join the Zombies. I’ve already gathered a group of Zombie supporters. I will be Queen. If Marshall doesn’t assimilate, we’ll farm him for brains.

    (Yes, there’s a “special” table for me at my family’s house. :)

  • http://ohnoa.com/ ohnoa.com

    You go and share your unicorn trick with me but not with Cal? What the fuck. I’m picking this kid up when the zombies come. She’ll be ill prepared.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    Jennifer- Awesome, now I have to look out for zombies, closet monsters and cellulite. Life is good.

    Amanda- Good, does that mean he can come over on Thursday?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    Kernut- Maybe you and Uncle Marshall should go on a date, fall in love and have little zombie babies? =)

    Noa- God, I’m so selfish. Can’t believe I didn’t tell my kid to drink unicorn blood after she showed me how good she is at laying still and pretending to be dead. Yeah, I think you better take her. She doesn’t stand a chance in this house.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11371713800889286955 RollerScrapper

    I think you should serve Uncle Marshall something that looks like brains for T-day…that’ll show him!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13866057740157426001 Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    roller- you are a genius. if he was allowed to come over, i would totally do this. ha!

  • http://www.theprojectgirl.com/ Jen Allyson

    Its very important to prepare for zombie attacks!! DH and I have decided that the best place to go in case of zombie invasion is that tiny secret island in Hawaii that only has 130 people that live on it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00986231358585797741 Elizabeth – Flourish in Progress

    JenAllyson- take me, yo!

  • http://www.ourfrontdoor.us/ Mindee@ourfrontdoor

    I used to tell my little sister that if you said “I don’t believe in zombies” you’d turn into one. Then I’d say it and wander around with my arms out moaning. Freaked her out every time. Too bad she didn’t have an Uncle Marshall.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog today. It’s good to have new faces. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13866057740157426001 Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    Mindee- You’re an awesome big sis.=)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06811697675090627618 Shell

    Hilarious! My baby brother would say something like that to my kids. I can’t wait until he has kids and I can have my revenge!

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    Shell- ain’t revenge a blessing? I can’t wait for Marshall to have a girlfriend so I can regale her with tales of his awesomeness.