Archives for October 2010

Monday Dare: Schoolyard Manners

Every Monday, I’m picking from the list of Things to Try, Places to Go, Possible Acts that Help and Possible Fun to Have. It’s a list I made before The Project started and I’m still adding to it. If you have suggestions, please, feel free to throw them my way. I’m calling the list my Monday Dares, as I get overwhelmed just looking at the words “challenge” or “goal.”

This week: I will be nice to the 
passive-aggressive, turn-on-a-dime tricks  lovely moms at Cal’s school. 

This really happened last week. I swear.

Enemy Friendly Mom: Are you wearing free eyeshadow?

Me: No, um, I paid for this eyeshadow. (Yeah, that’ll show her. Give it to her good.)

Enemy Friendly Mom: It’s so nice that you’re trying these days.

Me: Thanks. (Whoa, easy there, Elizabeth. Put those claws back in.)

Enemy Friendly Mom (walking away): Gosh, it’s always so nice talking to you.

Friends, what does free eyeshadow look like? What are the telltale signs?

Sure, I could be angry, but a bigger part of me wonders what causes this bad behavior. I start to speculate. Is she going through menopause? Is she bitter because her old-fashioned husband won’t let her wear thongs? I mean, why else would she have visible panty lines all the time? Is her coke dealer out of town?

All this speculation brings up a lot of questions. My only answer? Be nice, you classy bitch, be nice.

photo via Blue Q

Package Deal

When two people get married after dating just 18 days, surprises are part of the package.

In our case, it was the Classic Romance Wedding Package.

“If traditional elegance appeals,
this Las Vegas Wedding Package will make your wishes reality. 
The package includes a five-rose bouquet, free internet broadcasting of the nuptials,
video of the ceremony, 24 poses and proofs for online viewing,
and names in lights on marquee.”

Names in lights on marquee. That won me over. That, and Harv’s insistence that I upgrade, for an additional  twenty dollars, to the eight-rose bouquet.

We held hands and talked on the limo ride from the hotel to the chapel.

I told him that I loved him. He made googly eyes and told me that he loved me.

Then, I asked him when his birthday was.

It’s the small things that make love grow.

(I’m feeling especially sentimental today. Harv and I had a lovely lunch and it’s just five days until our fake-iversary. Fake-a-what? I’ll explain tomorrow.)

Photo: Jerome Shaw