Monday Dare: Schoolyard Manners

Every Monday, I’m picking from the list of Things to Try, Places to Go, Possible Acts that Help and Possible Fun to Have. It’s a list I made before The Project started and I’m still adding to it. If you have suggestions, please, feel free to throw them my way. I’m calling the list my Monday Dares, as I get overwhelmed just looking at the words “challenge” or “goal.”

This week: I will be nice to the 
passive-aggressive, turn-on-a-dime tricks  lovely moms at Cal’s school. 

This really happened last week. I swear.

Enemy Friendly Mom: Are you wearing free eyeshadow?

Me: No, um, I paid for this eyeshadow. (Yeah, that’ll show her. Give it to her good.)

Enemy Friendly Mom: It’s so nice that you’re trying these days.

Me: Thanks. (Whoa, easy there, Elizabeth. Put those claws back in.)

Enemy Friendly Mom (walking away): Gosh, it’s always so nice talking to you.

Friends, what does free eyeshadow look like? What are the telltale signs?

Sure, I could be angry, but a bigger part of me wonders what causes this bad behavior. I start to speculate. Is she going through menopause? Is she bitter because her old-fashioned husband won’t let her wear thongs? I mean, why else would she have visible panty lines all the time? Is her coke dealer out of town?

All this speculation brings up a lot of questions. My only answer? Be nice, you classy bitch, be nice.

photo via Blue Q

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  • areyoukiddingme

    That is my day every Tuesday through Friday with the jackasses at work. 10 hours a day. This is why I don’t have many female friends.

    What does free eyeshadow look like? WTF? And why do you have to be nice to these people? I wouldn’t be able to manage it.

  • sophie

    Who in the world has the energy, inclination, or desire to monitor other people’s make-up? I have no children–just a neurotic cat and dog, and i managed to arrive at work with my pants on backwards. Granted, they are elastic waist scrubs, but the fact remains. I believe I shall wear the pants and shirt backwards tomorrow–and they can forget about mascara for sure! New to these parts, and I forget who I clicked to get here.

  • Heather Ales

    WTF is right?

    I also wonder what “free” makeup looks like. Goodness!

    And for the record… if I have any eyeshadow on at all… it’s a miracle.

    Or I feel the need to impress.

    Or I feel out of my element.

    I’m an eyeliner, mascara, and lip balm kinda girl.

  • Jus and Kat

    “Classy Bitch” . . . ha! That’s how I describe myself too. I usually just throw witty sarcasm at women like that because, half the time, they don’t understand it and it makes me feel better.

    I agree with the first commenter, I don’t have many female friends either. :P

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    I’m so glad ya’ll are as confused as I am. What a weird question.

    areyoukiddingme & kat- i may have to make some new male friends. preferably the ones who don’t know the difference between eyeshadow and their own shadow.

    sophie-ohmyword. i had a sweater on the other day that just felt so wrong and them i realized i had it on backwards. us smarties really should stick together.

    heather- um, is that free eyeliner you’re wearing?

  • Anonymous

    I’ve never heard a question like that before. Does she know about the Project? Or is she just weird?

  • Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress

    anonymous- she definitely doesn’t know about The Project. I think she’s just weird. And mean. Yes, definitely mean.

  • Jenfromboston

    I think I’m just going to make that my new thing – asking people if that’s free eyesadow they’re wearing.

    If they get all wtf? on me, I’ll just say, “reasearch.”

  • Becky

    OMG, that is the crazy-bitchest thing ever.

    Keep us updated on this woman.

  • JoNell

    LMAO. WTH??!! What was, “It’s so nice you are trying these days?”

    I need to have a witty retort for crap like this because I always think of something when they leave. :p

  • TheBabyMammaChronicles

    Haha, wow, first, I’v never heard of free eye shadow. If it’s given out anywhere I want to take a look at it, maybe pick some up. Second, “classy bitch” too funny. You’re too nice to be a bitch. I wonder what classy questions I will get some day from other mothers? The anticipation is killing me!

  • Jennifer Clark

    Elizabeth- Wow. You must live in a tough neighborhood. The only question I get here in Mayberry is “Did the girls dress themselves?”

  • PearlsAndGreenTea

    What in the world?? Who asks something like that??

  • Maggie May

    WTF is totally right!!? Um, take your pills, lady.

    I LOVE that soap :)

  • Anonymous

    Wow. Did any green venom seep out of the sides of her mouth when she spoke? Sounds like she needs a hobby- one that doesn’t include you!

  • Rachel

    Too funny! Gots to love some good passive aggressiveness….you handled yourself oh so classy…we call it being a pleasant midwesterner in my part of the world….

  • Patti

    Okay, I was confused by the “free eye shadow” reference so I did what I always do when I don’t know something — I googled it.

    While I know now of 1,539 places where I, too, can get free eyeshadow, I’m sorry to say that I still do not have a clue as to what the bitchy mom was talking about.

    I used to know women like her, but now I go to work every day to a place where all of us must band together or be overrun, so that stuff doesn’t happen to be anymore.

  • unbelievamazing

    As a male I know exactly what free eyeshadow looks like, it appears on a woman that is not my significant other. I did not pay for it = free.

  • Anonymous

    Those bitches who are mean to you are insecure and jealous. They are so unhappy with themselves and so jealous of you that they only way they can cope is to make those snide little remarks.

  • Suzanne

    Maybe you should say WTF did you just ask me? And then stare back at her silently waiting for a response. This woman sounds like a bully and a psycho one at that.

  • Anonymous

    One great response to stupid questions like that is “No, (or yes, if appropriate, but why do you ask?”

    And as for comments like “it’s great that you’re trying” I find a big smile and a “thanks, you too!” usually shuts them up.

  • Jackie

    I’m sure this is all a big misunderstanding. She definitely said “Are you wearing tree eyeshadow?” …which, come to think of it, doesn’t make any sense either. What an insufferable bitch!

  • betteroffwithcats

    It was her subtle way of saying you look cheap. She’s a total bitch.

  • Kimberly

    Wow…sounds like she’s one of those people who is seriously so insecure that she needs to attempt to make others feel like sh*t to make herself feel better.